Up until two years ago I was a raging alcoholic which I now suspect was my way of self-medicating. I've been trying to kick the booze (with more success than Failure, I am pleased to report) but now I am faced with full blown depressive disorder. My psychiatrist had messed with my meds so much that I now take Lexapro, Lithium (to support the Lexapro), Ativan, Seroquel, Ambien CR, Neurontin, Antabuse (for the booze) and Atrovent (for emphysema). I've also tried ECT but it interfered with my sobriety. Recently,(the last few days) I've fallen into a deep-blue funk. I haven't told anyone but I've really felt like killing myself. I haven't figured out a plan yet but I know that I find some comfort in wondering who will be at my funeral - helps me get to sleep...