Wishingwell
I am very sorry to read that you're having such a rough time at present. It is good, however, that you are receiving help from a doctor and a therapist. I hope that the change in medication will help you as well. I can't really say much about "disability" because I am from the UK, and I suspect that arrangements for such things are very different where you live. There can't be any harm however in you seeking more information about that option. Your health and happoiness are more important than jobs, but obviously there are still bills to be paid etc whether someone is at work or not.
I am not a doctor but I suspect that the dizziness and lack of air etc that you felt when you were at your therapists were physical expressions of the strong emotions you were feeling at that time. They are certainly not signs of going crazy, unless it is considered crazy to experience emotional distress! It is also prefectly understandable that you current emotional state is making it difficult for you to post on this site or follow the program. You have nothing to apologise for that. If we were always able to do all these things then I don't think we would be depressed to stsrt with!
I think that at present, and many of us have been in a similar position although the precise circumstances are always different, you should try to concentrate on what might help you in the short term rather than trying to deal with all the problems that are swirling around you. "Short term" here means "how can I get through this day?" or even this hour. Is there anything that I can do to help myself today? This of course might include contacting someone else for assistance. Another thing that I think might be helpful is to have a sense of HOPE! I know this is very contradictory because when we feel depressed part of that is that we often feel hopeless and helpless. I still think, however, that a part of us can konw that how we are feeling, is to some degree at leats, an excessive and exaggerated response and that eventually we will get back to a more helpful frame of mind.
Thank you for sending us hugs. I send you one back as well. You mention the need most of us have to be "...connected somehow to someone that really cares about them." I agree with you, bu