Wishingwell Many thanks for your latest pssting. I shall definitely post back about my mother in due course. I was sorry to hear about your mother's memory problems. What makes this sort of thing difficult for all concerned is, of course, that people are usually all too well aware of the possibility of dementia, and that it can take some time to determine what the cause of the problem is. I don't know about your mother, but my mother does have a strong family history of dementia. This of course does not mean that she HAS got it herself. As I understand it there are many possible causes for memory loss, not the least of which are problems like depression itself. Also of course memory often deteriorates with age anyway. It's the uncertainly that's really diificult isn't it? And the "awfulizing" particularly for those of us struggling with depression! Sometimes I think making a decision to do something, or even not do something, can help in these circumstances. I certainly felt better when I started the process of having my mother's problem investigated. I have felt a whole range of emotions since I can tell you! I hope all this is of some use to you. Although we love our parents dearly, sooner or later thay are going to get ill and die (I lost my father over 20 years ago). It is very sad but in some strange sort of way I think it's for accepting as part of the human condition, and something we need to come to terms with. Looking at it from the point of view of us with depression, and I don't think it selfish to do this, I hope we can guard against allowing these circumstances to derail our own recovery from depression. One way I intend to do this is to do eveything within my power to help my mother - but with the emphasis very much on "within my power". Sorry - I must end now as this wasn't meant to become a sermon! Nevertheless it is offered in good faith. Kind regards to you and all. MRB :)

MRB, Thanks for clarifying your situation with your mother with me. I am interested because my mother is elderly but otherwise healthy. However, she too seems to be very forgetful of most things she says and needs to have my stepdad repeat things. Other family members have started commenting on her memory deficits or least a few of them. So please do keep me updated and let us know how your mom is doing. I will be wishing her good thoughts and prayers. Talk to you again soon.

Wishingwell, You are always in our thoughts. Take care, be strong. Melanie __________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

Wishingwell Just a quick note to thank you for posting back to let us know how things are going for you. From your postings you definitely seem more positive than you were. Thank you also for your interest in my circumstances and postings. I feel I need to clarify that my mother has not at present been diagnosed as suffering from Alzheimers or indeed any other illness. She has undergone a series of tests including the most recent one which was a CT scan. I am expecting her to be sent an appointment at the hospital to discuss the results, and I plan to go with her. I will post back under the relevant thread once this has taken place. I am going to sign off now as I am in fact getting ready to go to my mother's on this bank holiday Monday. Best wishes to you and everyone else on the Support Group. MRB :)

Hi Melanie, Thanks for thinking about me and the encouragement. It is truly hard right now I am sure for a lot of us to always be positive because that negativity just creeps up and gets us when we are at our lowest. I find it extremely hard to focus and concentrate on anything that is too complicated so I am still only able to post in the mood tracker and try to keep up with that. I find it helpful to save the information and maybe later I can look back and see any patterns. I was just thinking how hard it must be to know there are so many people all over the world with several illnesses in common that cause so much pain and heartache. There is certainly no language barrier to emotions, especially happiness, sadness and anger. Melanie, one thing that I have been able to connect my depression to is unexpressed anger. I either get so angry over how I am spoken to and answer back sarcastically and if it progresses, then I end up shuting down like when your computer powers off. It's like all the senses seem to know they are on overload and shut off. I then feel so numb and everything is like in slow motion. Maybe someone out there can relate to what I am saying, maybe not. SO just in case I forget to acknowledge you and all the others on staff for helping us as we learn to help ourselves, Thank YOU

MRB, Thanks so much for all the comforting words and yes it does help, I don't quite know how, but it does. I couldn't go to sleep last night and stayed awake for a long time doing a lot of thinking, probably not too good when you have depression and in a bad space. But what is good is that I worked through my feelings and tried not to let them over power me and take control of my thoughts and actions like what happened last time. My husband has already threatened that if I should do that again he will leave me for sure and take our son away from me. I couldn't live with that. I got a chance to read some of your earlier posts and I think you said your mother has Alzheimer's Disease. I hope you are coping and are still able to take care of yourself too. Thanks for trying to lift up my spirits when you have so much to deal with at home. In a way both depression and Alzheimers are similar, in that they take away part of who we are inside and distort are thinking and actions. The big difference is that in depression it is considered short term, while Alzheimer is lifelong with no recovery. I am not trying to make you feel sad, but I am trying to prove a point to myself and anyone else who is reading this. I Have to remind myself daily and SAY, it won't last forever, you will feel better and get your life back. Maybe one day I can truly feel this inside and out. Best Wishes and let me know how you are doing.

Whishing well, Thank you for keep us posted. Stay strong my friend. Make sure you are taking your new meds and keep us posted on your next apointment with you Doctor. Take Care, Melanie _________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

Wishingwell I am very sorry to read that you're having such a rough time at present. It is good, however, that you are receiving help from a doctor and a therapist. I hope that the change in medication will help you as well. I can't really say much about "disability" because I am from the UK, and I suspect that arrangements for such things are very different where you live. There can't be any harm however in you seeking more information about that option. Your health and happoiness are more important than jobs, but obviously there are still bills to be paid etc whether someone is at work or not. I am not a doctor but I suspect that the dizziness and lack of air etc that you felt when you were at your therapists were physical expressions of the strong emotions you were feeling at that time. They are certainly not signs of going crazy, unless it is considered crazy to experience emotional distress! It is also prefectly understandable that you current emotional state is making it difficult for you to post on this site or follow the program. You have nothing to apologise for that. If we were always able to do all these things then I don't think we would be depressed to stsrt with! I think that at present, and many of us have been in a similar position although the precise circumstances are always different, you should try to concentrate on what might help you in the short term rather than trying to deal with all the problems that are swirling around you. "Short term" here means "how can I get through this day?" or even this hour. Is there anything that I can do to help myself today? This of course might include contacting someone else for assistance. Another thing that I think might be helpful is to have a sense of HOPE! I know this is very contradictory because when we feel depressed part of that is that we often feel hopeless and helpless. I still think, however, that a part of us can konw that how we are feeling, is to some degree at leats, an excessive and exaggerated response and that eventually we will get back to a more helpful frame of mind. Thank you for sending us hugs. I send you one back as well. You mention the need most of us have to be "...connected somehow to someone that really cares about them." I agree with you, bu

I don't know which is worse, emotional or verbal abuse. It's easy to spot it when you are not in this type of relationship and you can say why would someone put up with this treatment. But for each person it is different. For me sometimes I feel it is justified when I say something inappropriate to my husband. When I feel that I have done nothing wrong and he is being unreasonable, then I get so angry inside that the rage builds up till either I explode or I just get so numb nothing matters anymore. The severity of my depression sets in and all the distorted thinking and negative thoughts seem so rational to me. It's at these times that I can't recognize the potential for me to fall even further down the abyss. I just can't seem to concentrate on the program and been feeling extremely sad lately. I am having a hard time posting or reading others posts for awhile. For that I apologize. I thought I was getting better, and while at my therapist's appt this past week, I actually broke down and cried uncontrollably for the first time in over 5 months. I don't know if anyone out there has experienced this or not or maybe I am really going crazy, but either I was having a panic attack because I felt like I was outside my body and then back in falling way down into nowhere as I cried and closed my eyes. I felt the air was too little and I couldn't breathe too well, then I felt a little dizzy when I got up to leave. I am so worried lately about losing my health insurance as my medical leave from work is almost over and I don't think I can return to the same position, nor do I think I want to work there anymore. The people do not seem very compassionate and I think they want to fire me if they could. My marriage is at risk, my job, income, insurance, my sanity, all these things I took for granted are now up in the air. I don't know what to do or what is best for me. Should I apply for disability? I am so scared right now. I saw my doctor this week and he changed my medication from Lexapro to Zoloft so now I have to see if this combination with Wellbutrin XL will do better. I really don't know why he switched. But if I don't start getting any better at my next appt I may need to ask whether I would qualify or not for disability and if is willing to