Hi browneyed
Welcome to the Support Group and hope you'll do the CBT program as well. I am pleased that receiving replies has made you feel less alone. We are all in the same position really, but in different kinds of ways.
Your posting was very sad and it seemed written like a poem which I found rather creative. In a strange kind of way there can be great beauty in sadness, and speaking for myself really I find that "depression", pain, hurt and suffering, call it what you will, is something that I have clung onto sometimes while at the same time wanting to let it go! I don't know if you can relate to any of that but it seems to me that the price that we pay for the possibility of human friendship and love is that we have to become vulnerable and risk rejection and hurt. There isn't any other way, that's part of the "deal". Part of depression, I think, is a "shutting down" to avoid being hurt any more. But then of course the possibility of joy, hope, friendship and love is also cut off.
Sorry to be so "philosophical" as I am trying to be really practical! DEPRESSION HURTS and I've found in my life that I have, hopefully, reached a point where I have decided "I DON'T WANT TO SUFFER ANY MORE!" It's making that decision that I found was really crucial. I think we do have choices, although of course a lot of things may be largely out of our control, or seem so. Even so there is always some "room to manoeuvre". Tomorrow doesn't have to be as bad or worse than today. It may be so, but also it may be better. Sometimes I think that we can just simply HOPE that things CAN change for the better even when we feel that it's highly unlikely.
And I HOPE that my ramblings may be of some use. I wish you all the best for the life ahead of you, and hope you will post again to let us know how you are getting on.
Melvin :)
