Hello Godislove, I just fell across this site too this past month and wish I had found it years ago too. It is wonderful to know we are not alone. Personally I think alot of people either are fooling themselves or are just ignorant to how they are really feeling. I know that for me I do not want to be on meds either but when I went on Wellbutrin it was like life was turned around 180 degrees and everything was good again. I could deal with the things that life was throwing at me. Unfortunately lately there has been alot more dished my way and I found that I just couldn't keep going. I have gone off on medical leave and now I am feeling that I can get back up again and keep going. I know you really don't want to go on meds but it might be a good idea to look into it if only until you are feeling more able to deal with things. My Dr. has also decided to send me to some sort of support group where they teach you how to deal with the depression and life, etc. I have a hard time standing up for myself. I get walked over all the time and this is a big reason as to why I am depressed. I am sure you have analyzed your situation, do you know what your "buttons" are? I hope you feel better soon!

Thanks for the chat. Since I wrote this in the AM, I was feeling pretty down from my action taken against me at my job. This afternoon, Im still in my nightgown and just not having the gumshion to get up and get anything done, My associate pastor called and gave me a good fussing over and then got me feeling a little better. After that another good friend who is also a Pastor at a differnt chruch called and help me with some very insite full informtaion that I would have never thought of and prayed with me too. As much as I hate the meds the docs try to shove down you, I may have to be put back on something else! I am just so very med sensitave, they even have trouble giving me antibotics when I do need it for an infection. So I am learning to lean harder on Jesus and the Herbal store products and not so much on modern medician!

Hi godislove, I like your description merry go round of life! So true. I like to thing of the merry go round as a place where we can choose to make different stops depending on the destination. I am trying to take some control of my life and although my merry go round has some pleasant choices, there are also so many lonely and empty ones that it makes it hard to find where I should go. I hope this makes sense to someone. I am currently experiencing a dilema about my future as it will affect so many people, that I don't know what is in everyone's best interest to do. I feel caught in a web like the little spider who is searching for a way out and be free. I don't know what your specific circumstances are, but I know that while I am in this fog of depressed thoughts I cannot choose the right path for me right now. Eventually I will have to make a decision about my life, but for now I can't even think about that. I hope you find peace and feel comfortable connecting with your support buddies. Right now this is what I find comfort in and know it can make a difference even if only for a short time. Take care and continue talking about how you feel. It's good to be able to get the garbage out and not suffer in silence. Wishingwell

Single, lonely, family will not contact me?, jobs, even the ones I enjoy never work out long term, health problems to many to count and tired of going to docs who collect their pay but don't help with the problems! Start doing well, get back on my feet and then get slammed in the face that I don't do any thing right! WELL, I am so glad to see in this site I am not the only person in this world who have these same thoughts and problems. Please talk to me! I am really fighting for sturcture right now!