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11 years and counting

Timbo637

2024-10-31 6:49 AM

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Feels like hell week all over!!

Timbo637

2024-10-30 9:38 AM

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Roller Coaster Withdrawal

Timbo637

2024-10-14 12:28 PM

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Smile....and don't shoot the messenger

Timbo637

2024-09-27 3:17 PM

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just rambling again


19 years ago 0 142 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
so what is next??? he is most likely drinking and not taking meds...what are you gonna do? what is best for you? that should be your most important concern. but you know that. im worried you are getting depressed also. im here for you...i hope you know that. take care. hugs
19 years ago 0 54 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
We haven't had a heart to heart since May. He didn't start his meds. That pushes me in a direction that says maybe enough is enough. He does have some responsibility in this. I am talking with a counselor and he has told me the same thing. You can't do anything if he chooses to deal with this this way. What I want is the husband that I fell in love with to come back. He has been slowly slipping away from us for about 8 years. I don't know what will happen to us but it isn't because I didn't want to try and I did all I could. I think the only thing that will help us is a really good counselor. Someone to see both sides for us to help us get through the fog. Thanks for the post. I had a bad day-some days are good-some are not. Your buddy, What Now.
19 years ago 0 142 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
more than likey. at least in my opinion. depression is a slow, gradual thing. it doesnt just happen overnite. it a deteroriation of sorts. have you and your husband been able to have any "heart to heart" talks about how you BOTH are feeling? i wonder how honest he is with you and himself on how he is feeling. i have a zillion questinos but i dont want to lead you someplace you havent thought of before so i wont ask. i guess ill just simply ask, what do you want? you have a say here. if you could have things your way, what would you want?
19 years ago 0 54 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
He was raised by his mother. His dad died when he was about 2. He has an older brother and sister who are fine. His mother dealt with depression when he was a baby, was hospitalized and had shock treatments. She was always treated with kid gloves. She never got over the death of her husband. So, he dealt with this all through childhood and probably inherited her tendency for depression. He was always in the mode of taking care of himself. My son told him that when he, our son, was little his dad was not like this. This has just been a slow progression for about 10 years. My husband said that he has not been happy for a long time-probably 10 years-is that part of this? I hope this tells a little about him.
19 years ago 0 142 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
what now, the question is really if he loved himself wouldnt he seek help. again it has nothing to do with you, you are just an innocent bystandered. like i said in the other post, its easier to lash out at you or more likely to you than say "i am hurting so bad". i even cant seem to say that when i am. i just feel weak and then i feel guilty. its so many emotions rolled into one. anger is easy. its just surface. it keeps the real pain at bay. its also immature. and that is sooooo hard for me to admit because i act like that alot of the time. its handling things as a child would. i am curious about his childhood. is that something you feel comfortable sharing? and im glad you are my friend. i appreciate you. im here for you always. hugs
19 years ago 0 54 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi. Batty. I am dealing with "I'm angry, I don't know how I feel, I love and miss you" with my husband. I think that is a fair reading of what he is doing. But, and this is a big but, (lol) he said he was on meds and I called him on it that he wasn't and he isn't.So, you are doing much better handling this than he is because you are taking yours. I have really listened to you and I have talked with a counselor and you both have said the same thing. Nothing you can do; take care of yourself. What is it that you are doing on the 16th? I do want to know how you are afterwards. I think that your posts show a lot of strength. Your best self will win over. It is amazing how this type of illness affects so many people. I just had no idea. I care that you are doing better. I think that a lot of people that don't feel good inside mask it with smiles. That makes it worse, I think, because they think that they might be ok. It is help that they need. I will tell you it is hard on the people that love them because you are really standing beside them and there isn't anything that you can do. What I have trouble with is this-maybe you can help with this-if he loved me enough wouldn't he seek and take the help that is there to be better-just a small question. I was glad to see you post. Your friend, What Now.
19 years ago 0 142 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
i was sitting here reading some of the past post of mine and others. its a shame how we all live. (or not live) holding things in, hiding in the light. pretending. i realize i am not the only one, not by far. there are a couple of people (and you know who you are) that have helped me tremendously when times got really tough. there have been many kind words said to me and in re-reading some of my posts i learned something about myself. im not worthless and a loser. im not empty and i dont have to hate myself. i too have said kind words and been someones shoulder to lean on. that gives me merrit and worth. people around me tell me all the time i am so tough and they cant imagine me feeling bad because i smile and joke around. sometimes i wonder if something is reeeeeeally wrong with me because i do that. sometimes its genuine but most of the time its a farse. i smile and joke for others not for me. i dont think its fair for them to be spoonfed my illness. so i just dont talk about it. i wonder how many more do that. just dont talk about it. how many of us push the people we love most away. how many of us have the i hate you i love you syndrome. im just curious what people feel and think. i know im not the only. i cant be. i would like to see more posts and here more about people. its a shame more people dont post. i wonder why that is too. i ramble alot i know. but this is my outlit. and i know someone reads it and i find comfort in that...crazy right? right now im just sick of feeling down. im angry at being depressed. maybe frustrated is a better word. i would like my moments of smiles and jokes to be real and to be able to enjoy them not feel guilty because of them. does anybody else have any of this going on??? is guilt a part of depression?? i wonder how that fits in. i guess that is what is on my mind at the moment. well, i hope everyone is well. im better today. the 16th is that treatment, the EMDR. its been pushed back. if anyone is interested i will post when i have it done. just let me know. take care everyone. hugs

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