Ok...so I'm a little new to posting but be lurking in the back ground for a while. My couselor tells me I need to open up more and get some of these neagative thoughts out so that I can hear how "off" they really are. My biggest hang up is getting over what others think! I assume too much or read too much into what people say, do, & write (emails) that it sometimes leads to big anxiety attach! It doesn't help the fact that I'm more functioning at this great depression the most. Even though I hate my job there are somethings I still do. Even though I'm a codependant with my husband, I still really love him. I'm functioning as a member of society but am I living? I'm struggling with the "whole" "do the right thing" because of how it looks. Taking anti depressants was a hugh deal for me because it made me feel like a failure for needing them. Now I think my couselor/dr suggests taking some anti pyshcotic drugs to help with the cognitive thinking. Maybe that's a good thing...I hope. Depression sucks big time! Somethings have got to change and I'm being told that only I can change it! That is a hard thought to grasp when I feel like I'm drowning myself daily! Like some of you, I use self harm as a coping tool. Not very good and very punishing. I wish I could just wake up from this very very bad nightmare!
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