Thanks David,
Some times, I have been able to rationalize, distract, my way out of the anticipatory pain of doing the hardwork, and start doing it any way. My biggest problem is irrational anticipatory pain, whent that hits, I just want to stay in my comfort zone, otherwise I am not able to relax.
But when the emotions (panic, -ve thoughts, anticipatory pain) run high, benifits don't count, accomplishment doesn't count, pride doesn't count.
Regardless, I have very rarely felt accomplishment in my life, and almost never felt pride. By that I mean, the emotion of accomplishment, or pride.
I have always, explictly, sought out recognition of accomplishment from others, and they know this need of mine very well. I do big, wierd, funny, thing to show off, make people take notice. And people know that I am showing off. Because I am very transparent, in my needs, and the reasons behind my behaviour.
But internally, I have almost never experienced pride, and accomplishment. Although, from eyes of others I have achieved a lot in very short time. I am perceived as a Hi-potential-individual. I potray a very narcistic personality, except I am very transparent, about being a narcissist. So, usually I am not hated that bad by others.
All this rant was to make a point, that, accomplishment, pride, just don't drive me. Not most of the time.