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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Thank you sunflower.

Unfortunately because I use mac computers I can not do Private message here, I can read them but can not answer. To answer it has to be Email. I can post longer messages on EMail but the other members miss out on information that way. I will just put information of interest in getting by 2. It can stay anonymous that way. Like the last one, it is just information.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Padesi is a way of talking to others so they understand exactly what you mean without offending or giving a wrong impression, It is in my blog. My therapist gave it to me. As far as I know it is not on the net.

Presumption is as bad as me saying you will be okay. From personal experience I think you will, but can't know can I. I had social anxiety but found a councillor helped. They can, so it is worth going I think.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 18

Hi Kendra,

Your counseling appointment tomorrow is a positive step. I hope it goes well for you. I am sending you positive thoughts and energy.

Mel

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

"Assuming anything can lead you down the wrong path. I think I posted PADESI on here."

What was that again?

Just to update, I did have a discussion with my husband and I think he understands why I was upset. He admitted that he tends to only think about himself and will work on that. I tend to make other people selfish. I make them more important than myself, so they naturally grown a large ego. This only lasts for so long and then I realize I am worthwhile too.

I realized also that I need help. I have a counselling appointment tomorrow which I am afraid to go to. And I signed up for a social anxiety course that starts in Sept.

More than anything I wish I was confident to join something. A church, a temple, anything! I don't even really know what I believe in, but I would like to just try them out. Maybe this is where my social anxiety comes in. I am so afraid to meet people. People scare me. I have never had a lot of friends, and the ones I do have moved away for better job opportunities. I have no one other than my husband and my family. I know this isn't necessarily good but I can't seem to push myself out the door to join anything.

So all in all, things are ok. I am meditating on my own each night and I am learning how to fall asleep again without my medication. I can't remember if I mentioned that I am being weaned off of my amitriptaline at night.

Thanks for caring,

Kendra

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Kendra.

The past is in the past and if the past is what you are having trouble with I would worry too because you can not deal with core beliefs without going into the past. But once dealt with the past can be dropped forever. It has to be done, but I can see your husband worried it will make you worse. It will, but only for a few hours which is better than a life time. I wish you well with your sessions.

Assuming anything can lead you down the wrong path. I think I posted PADESI on here.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Sunflower Painter,

I am so sorry to read this. I can hear that there is a lot of pain and loneliness in what you wrote. I think we can all relate in some way to what you are going through. I think you making this realization about needing support is so important. Knowing what you need is the first step to getting it. It sounds like you were very disappointed when your husband did not meditate with you and I can certainly see why but I don't want yo to jump to conclusions about his actions. He may not have realized how important meditation is to you. Sometimes people need a bit of coaxing in order to warm up to an idea. I encourage you to share with him what you shared with us. Ask him specifically for what you need and talk to him about how you can both work towards that. In my oppinion, there is no such thing as unconditional love. When we love there is always conditions - respect is one example I can think of. As I am sure you know, love takes a lot of work but it sounds like you have been putting a lot of work into giving love but you may need to work a bit harder at communicating clearly what you need. Actually I think we all need to continually work on that. It is certainly not easy to figure out the specifics and then communicate these needs in a way that doesn't make the other person defensive. When it comes to marriage always aim for progress and not perfection. What do you think about all this?

Also, I think it is important to note that a marriage cannot fufill all of our social needs. How do you think you can take steps to find other social outlets?

I want you to know though that you are not alone in this. We will help you every step of the way.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Thank you for commenting, I appreciate your caring.

My husband introduced me to meditation and Buddhism, so he is very familiar with meditation. I am not really sure why he did what he did. We talked about it and things seemed ok until we were talking about how I would be going to counselling for the first time in my life. Basically he said that the past is in the past and to just get over it.

I am not sure where this is coming from. He usually seems like a sensitive nice guy. Maybe he is afraid? I have no idea and I don't want to make excuses for him.

I do love him and I know he loves me, but I think I will always have a part of me that I can't share with him. Maybe this is ok? At least that part of me won't be hurt.

Kendra

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 162

First off....you are definitely worth it. Please don't ever think that you are not.

Perhaps you could phrase your request to your husband a bit differently. Perhaps the word "meditate" put him off. You could let him know your feeling anxious, and ask him to sit with you for a few minutes while you practice some deep breathing. He wouldn't have to do anything or participate if he didn't want....but he could at least support you by just being there.

Yes....anxiety, panic and depression suck. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 18

Hi Kendra,

You are lovable and worthwhile because of the caring and sensitivity you show in your writing. I've been feeling alone lately, too, and certainly don't have all the answers. I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Melanie

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

I have been on this site on and off for a few years now. It really does help a lot, especially this forum.

I signed up for a social anxiety course that starts in Sept, which I am looking forward to. And, I am taking advantage of free counselling offered through my insurance. Both are huge steps forward.

All this is great except now I am coming to realize how alone I truly am. I recently read Geneen Roth's When Food is Love where she explains that a lot of overeating has to do with feeling lonely and not having the right coping skills. I agree. I also realized that food has become intimacy too. I struggle with life in general and have used food to soothe and celebrate myself.

This is also a step forward but now I realize how very much alone I am. Without food to "love" me what do I have? I am married but my husband does not support me emotionally. I guess I never realized that until last night when I asked him to meditate with me for 5 mins. I am going through withdrawal from Amitryptaline which I have been on for over 10 years. I usually take it at night so I am struggling with falling asleep. He refused. He just said, "Nope, this isn't for me" and stood up to leave. This is the first time in ages I have asked him for help and he refused. I am not worth 5 mins.

How do I get over this heart break? I see my life stretch before me and I don't see things getting any better. I have never experienced unconditional love, and I yearn to be loved. My relationship with my family was the same. Emotions were ridiculed and we were told to take care of ourselves. My parents did not express love easily and I have forgiven them for that as they were raised in the same way. I had hoped that when I met my husband he would love me. But I was wrong. Yes, he loves me, but not unconditionally. I always knew that I cared for him more than he cared for me but I guess last night it really hit home. I have cared for him, encouraged him, helped him, cheered him up always. I have always put myself last. First him and our daughter, then other things, than me. I guess I only have myself to blame.

When you make yourself a doormat for many years, don't be surprised when you get stepped on.

I am not sure where this leaves me with my anxiety, panic and depression. I guess I just don't see a lot of hope.

I guess I want others to understand how dangerous it can be when you look to others to care for you. That other person can never fulfill your needs as they are usually busy fulfilling their own. People can be very selfish but I guess I was also being selfish when I asked my husband for love. No matter what we can never know what is in another persons mind.

So maybe this is a good thing? Maybe now I have realized that I need to take care of myself. That, ultimately, we are all alone.

The question is, am I worth fighting for?

Panic, anxiety and depression stink. I hope your days are all better than mine are right now. Hug those people that love you, you have no idea how lucky you are to have them in your life.

Kendra

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