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8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Nice hearing from you Aqua. A psychologist gave a talk recently, and said that some people can't form attachments after a death. It seems true for me. I was shy before the early death too, around 15 for me. It became harder later.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Hi Hugs, also had lost my father, when I had 12 years. And I felt a lot of pressure from family dinamic that changed significatly.

The first night after this event, I was very sad but I sleeped on my bed and I had a restfull night, I remember I thought "strange...it seams that life continue. I´m really sad but I don´t feel any diference on my night routine, my bed is the same, my room is the same, may be this will be not so bad as it seams.". But on the day before my mother started wanted me to sleep with she at the same bed that my father and mother sleeped together. This was really bad for me, because always that I gone to bed, I remember by father, the acident and our current situation. This was too heavy for my head and too pressure. I sleeped with her till 16 I think.

Today, trying to not blaming my mother for donne it, but thinked what could had I donne it? I could take myself and told my mother I wanted to sleep on my own bed, or that she could sleep at my bedroom with me too for example. On that age we can be very anoying to our parents to manipulate them doing what we want. Why I had so passive personality at that age? That is a good explanation why I´m having anxiety problems till now.

Hugs, I´m saying that to you, for you find a way to not feel family pressure be on you. Do what is better for you, it will better for them too. Find a away to relieve the pressure that you could feel from other family members you have without stopping supporting them as you can.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi Ashley, I'm focusing on sleep optimization, although my sleep coach says it is generally really exellent. Regarding volunteering, I was raised to appreciate this, but I fear "demands" since there was so much asked of me over the last few years. As fortunate as I felt to give, the depletion still hurts. And I'm pretty self-critical, so it's hard to cut myself slack, perhaps explaining why I'm so irritable. I heard Plum Johnson describe her book "They Left us everthing", about closing the family home, and her comment about reframing clutter as discovery about the family dynamic took some pressure off of me, but it's still grunt work, in what seems a long, overwhelming at times, journey. How does one "honour our parents", and still balance the demands of life...

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Aqua, I was surprised to learn that sleep works contrary to my "efforts", and more according to how you describe letting things happen naturally, since our bodies have systems for this.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Bump up this thread..

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi hugs,

There has been so many changes in your life recently. You take as much time as you need to grieve. You mentioned you still can't believe your mother is gone. I think this is completely normal - just ensure you let yourself feel any pain that comes up. Grieving is an important process.

I think you wanting to make more friends is a great idea. You might find it helpful to talk to a therapist about all your thoughts. You might have some thoughts and goals you need to work through. Also, set some small goals for yourself. It will take time to learn to be more social again. Volunteering is a great way to meet people - have you thought about this? What are some goals you would like to set for yourself in regards to being more social?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

Hi Hughs, I´, dealing also with the same issue. I´m reading about simple positive thoughts, and I´m trying to aply it for making friends and interaction with others. What I´m doing and I find it´s helping a lot: when I´m alone at home or pauses at work, I´m visualizing and fantasy what I wish to happen next time I´m be around people or in the future. I visualize and feel my hapiness while I´m interaction with others, and thinking "this is possible to happen, it´s real". This thoughts real help me feeling happy during the day. Finally when I´m with people, doens´t help what I imagined, but I find I´m dealing better and that I enjoy better being around them.

One of things it catches my attention was something I read "It doens´t happen what we want but what our imagination want´s". And that´s true, all of us that have problems with interaction, we are always afraid because we know ourselves and know normally how we react being around others, not being abble to. So we are always expecting and happening what our imagination does, bad result.

People with good interactions, they have keeped in their memory good feelings about others and good memories, so they expect the same always next time they are around with others, it´s printed like a habit in their mind. I´m trying to "print" a new habit in my mind, by repetition visualizing good feelings when I´m with others. I´m doing this for a few days, but it are already helping me. Also I had the luck to join a group of people related to sales and self development, and I´m practising with them (without they noticing), this thing I´m sharing here.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Becoming isolated over years, while caring for my parent, I now have this freedom I don't know what to do with. I've ventured out, and someone actually showed interest in me. I have all these fears now about how could I feel safe, what are others' motivations, since I never had the luxury of time or freedom. And the city is so large, while I used to only be around medical facilities. It might also be that a personal problem has worked out, and I can now sleep, so I might just need some sleep. I also can't believe my mom is gone after so many months, and that worries me too, as though it's a "puzzle".

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