mrsbelleb
I'm going to show you how core beliefs work and you can apply it to the information in your post because I can see a pattern here. I'm going to use me as an example. This is negative core belief that has off shoots. It is a very common core belief. First off core beliefs are the memories that control how we think and subsequently how we act. The root of subsequence is sequence or the order in which we do things.
The core belief is "I'm not wanted" the off shoots are. "I'm not good enough", "I'm ugly", "I'm stupid" and finally when added up "no one could love me". Horrible to think this of myself. So this is how it got started. My brother who is a year and a half older than me got invited to a birthday party. I was a year and a half about. They were playing hide and seek and me being young and not knowing the rules got excited and opened my mouth. My brother shouted at me and said I was stupid. I cried and ran home. My mother said I didn't have to go back. So I believed I was stupid and my mother reinforced it by not allowing me to show I wasn't. I wasn't allowed to go back and play so I wasn't good enough, I was too stupid. Not like my popular brother. Why wasn't I popular? Must be because I was ugly. I must be ugly because my mother tried to hide me. (my mother wanted a girl and dressed me as one) No one could love a stupid ugly kid who wasn't a girl. One incident started all this and could because there was nothing in my memory to compare it to. Nothing to say it was wrong so it must be right. A false core belief, but one very easy to build on because My brother was spoilt, He had classic good looks and was popular. (he bought his friends but I didn't know this) He would not let me tag along. More reinforcement here so that the lie I told myself became true. As time went by kids would be friends with me so they could get close to him, especially girls and especially when he was old enough to get the family car. I was not allowed to take up space that his friends could have.
Every time something went wrong in my life this core belief came up as a reason. Every time something went right it told me it still wasn't good enough. I could never be like him.
I spent my whole life being better than anyone else or at least the best I could be. It ruined relationships because no one wants to be with a perfectionist. It shows them up. It works on their core beliefs.
Core beliefs are strong enough to make you believe stupid things and do stupid things. You know the saying, "tell a lie often enough and it becomes true". Well I was lying to myself and didn't even know it. And that is the truth, I did not know it. So here we have core beliefs that are supposed to control our lives and all they can do is what they were told. You know about the straw that broke the camels back. Well up until now your core beliefs were something that didn't matter enough to be a problem. Till now. In the program is something called the ten questions. Use it to challenge the core beliefs. Even if they are true. I'm not ugly but neither am I hansom. I am most definitely not stupid. Etc. And yes, someone does love me. Pity he is a cat. These negative core beliefs affected my life for almost 60 years and kept me from my full potential. Not anymore CBT has changed all that. But this was all because some wrong thoughts were installed because I had no proof they were wrong.
Now we come to triggers. Thoughts that call for answers out of memory. And you have too many inappropriate memories to call on and the more you do the more you will, strengthening them. You can change these thoughts. It takes time because to weaken them you have to have a minimum of ten positive thoughts for every negative one. There is a reason for this but it can wait a bit. Enough to know that what you think and how you remember can be changed so it has no power over you. So it can not bother you anymore.
Davit.
