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One fumble and downhill I go

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 90

Hi Hugs,

My therapist does not think I may have grieved for my dad, since I took over caring for my mother. I miss my dad a lot, since I was the closest to him. My mother and I never did have the best relationship, but out of the four of us kids, I really was the only one who could take care of her and the money my dad left behind. It is not even a lot of money, just enough that if she needs to be put in more advance care, it should be able to help cover it with her window benefits. My mom is very unhealthy.

I sometimes wonder where my life would have been if my dad did not die or if my mom did not outlive him, which as horrible as it sounds, surprised some.

I do think a part of my problem is not being where I thought I should be. I did not think I would still be in the state of Maryland or single. I always had big plans of traveling, but I am not sure if that will ever happen.

Right now, I would be happy if I could own a cabin/house in the woods or with a lot of property with little to no neighbors, be able to grow a garden, get into canning, and just enjoy the fact that I can live how I want to live with no one bothering me (besides friends and all).

I sometimes just want a simple life.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi Gailerina,

I've lost my dad for a long time too, and I responded negatively. Also, I have trouble with loss. What I used to be told, was that we all have our emotional timetables. This means that we are unique in how we deal with things.

I remember a wonderful workshop I took in transitions or loss. At that time, I was being promoted, so there was an exercise to deal with the transition by reusing my work uniform. Since I'd be using a computer, I made a computer dust cover for the computer from my uniform shirt, so I was connecting the shift from a blue collar to white collar job, and keeping some of the old job.

Major religions have all sorts of rituals to revere those who have passed, and ironically, November is the month for doing that in the Christian tradition. There are so many facets to changes though, aside from the spiritual ones.

I'm not sure anyone can speed things up, but why would anyone wish to do that anyway, unless the memory wasn't good.

Being present to each other, anonymously as we are, but as best as we can, might soften the bumpy ride of life

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Just a quick note before I head outside,

been there, done that.

My Dad has been gone over 30 years, I'm getting more like him, he had some good things about him. I still miss him even though we did little together. The war destroyed him.

Mourn your Dads passing but celebrate his existence with your memory. It is a good thing to remember all he did and all he was and if there is anything that bothers you remember we are all human.

My dad built me a boat once. I used it till it rotted. He never once got in it. He was that confident it would be fine and it was.

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 90

Over the years, I have had something happen, something small by most accounts and I will go downhill. Normally is lasts a week or so, but this time, it has been going on for a couple of weeks. I have not had this issue since one time in college and I went and saw a therapist for the rest of my time in college. I believed it help, but as I have gotten older, I am wonder if it still enough.

I know depression runs in my family, because I know my father suffered at times but never sought treatment.

I also believe a part of my mood lately has been the fact I am missing my dad more and more. He died in November 2011, so the 2nd anniversary and is coming up. I used to love November, because my birthday is then and I actually liked Thanksgiving dinner. But nothing is the same anymore, since my dad is the one who cooked dinner. My therapist wonders if I ever grieved his death, as I became responsible for my mom.

My life is not where I thought it would be, but God has different plans then we go. Sometimes we have to learn to accept that.

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One fumble and downhill I go