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fear of failure-painful anxiety

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs

I would say that that is accurate. And I would say that because you figured this out on your own that you will be more likely to retain it. Also it matters not where you get information as long as it is accurate, You tube does have some wheat among the chaff.

An example of stacking memory is that if you do something often enough like my bread making you don't need to look up the recipe because it is close enough to the top of the pile in memory and since you repeat it it becomes like a core belief in action even though it isn't one.

Going to bed with positive thoughts allows you to sleep better and sleeping better allows you to absorb more, in this case the positives you went to sleep with.

It is good to see you being more confident, am I right in thinking at one time you would not have improvised?

Sounds to me like you are changing some core beliefs.

There is a possibility that the reason we dream is a hold over from survival. There is a possibility that by dreaming we keep important thoughts in the memory stack. There is also a possibility that since survival skills are negatives that with anxiety disorders we think these negatives are important and keep them in the stack where they are too accessible and cause morning panic. Therefore it becomes even more important to go to sleep with positives.

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Davit,

If I can give another example of a learned skill, it might be my cooking. I was able to quickly take broccoli, and follow a recipe, although I feel nauseous and tired, since I had other challenges this morning. My fear was that it wouldn't be acceptable to mom, and she's miserable, like anyone, when she's unwell.

I came from knowing little more than knowing how to boil water, to improvising, and in a short time. Using knives safely isn't something I was born with, and I took courses specifically geared to learning to use a knife, and watching on youtube(not the best place!).

I also review my "new" core beliefs before bed, and find something, for each of my 3 new ones, showing that I was:

1) competent

2) can be liked

3) persevere

Doing this at night, just before sleep probably allows me to ignite an inner life of more positive thoughts, is my theory...

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

rohit

People seem to have a hard time understanding that we are not born with any skills. Everything we do is learned. Even that first breath we take. Getting the fear when you think about doing a more challenging job is a learned thought. These learned thoughts are called core beliefs and they control our thoughts and actions. Where the problem comes in is that you can not erase them from memory. Everything you have ever done or learned is in memory but it is like a stack of papers, some is so far down the pile it can't be found. Some like core beliefs keep getting repeated all through the pile. These thoughts are easier to use. and come up more often. Some beliefs like how to drive a car are positive and important where as your fear core belief is not. The one thing they have in common is how often they are repeated in the stack that is your memory. Some people can not drive a car because all through their memory is a thought of a bad thing that happened when they drove. It only happened once and should be in memory only once and at the bottom of the stack but they keep repeating it all through the stack that is their memory. You are doing the same with your fear. You can not erase the memory but you can put something more positive in the memory stack every time you think of the fear. In this way that fear thought will slowly settle to the bottom of the stack in your memory and you will use the new positive memory instead of the fear. It takes time to bury a thought and longer to bury a core belief but bury them you must.

Davit.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 101

Hello Ashley,

I did some work in initial sessions of the course.I find much better myself as compared 1 year back.Its a combined effect of many activities which I did for myself to get relieve from depression & anxiety.As per your suggestion I will move further across the lessons of the programe.

Hello Davit,

Your thoughts seems to be very encouraging for me.It seems every time I check in site to see your responses against my query.

But one thing;I simulated myself in challanging environment.I seem to have high level of anxiety.This happens me 2-3 times.

So due to this again fear of failure starts coming to my mind.

What shud I do to regain my confidence then;to prepare myself for bigger & challanging roles in life.

rohit131

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

rohit

What do you do when a song gets stuck in your head? I change it by thinking about another, and some times another and another but the stuck song goes away. Core beliefs are the same, play one you want counter to the one you don't want till it goes away. It will take time, but you know you can do the work, that is not the problem. An unrealistic fear is. Relaxation and coping skills are the soil in which you grow positive thoughts. They have to be there but they are not the answer, only the medium. You are the answer, you have to grow in this medium. Together. Use them to venture into experiences that will build and sustain the new core belief you want. Use them and the new core to banish the old one.

Can you do some high pressure work on the side to help build this core. Even if it is volunteer. Then do what you do to relax and play it over and over in your mind that you can do this work. That you did do this work. That it wasn't perfect but it will get better. Never let the old cores interfere. Don't listen to them.

You need a reason to do this too. Let me be one of the reasons, prove to me you can do it because I'm putting a lot of faith in that you can.

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Rohit,

How far along are you in the program? Have you tried to counter these negative beliefs with positive ones in Session 8?

I can tell you that fear of failure is very common and that there is nothing to fear. The more you fail the more you learn. I can tell you that I believe you can change this way of thinking and I can also tell you that these core beliefs can change. But to be honest me believing these thoughts is not important because you have to. I cannot convince you but if you work through the program you can begin to convince yourself. Through systematic work these fears can be managed.

What have you tried so far?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 101

Its almost an year when I became jobless due to anxiety.This year I am in huge financial loss but gained huge profits in terms of physical health,mental health & support from my family.

I again want to start my life yet not feel confident.There is a tremendous fear of failure set within my core beliefs.I have maintained a core belief in last one year, that poor habits like getting anxious in specific conditions can not be changed from my personality.This start of anxiety at once becomes like a storm and captures my mental status.

I feel if I step ahead for big challange I will again be fallen & I do not have power to face big challanges of life & job.

Can this core belief be changed?

How can it be changed?Pl suggest

rohit131

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