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11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Cara,

I`m sorry your first day didn`t go well. It sounded like a depressing and anxiety filled day certianly. Starting a new job and being away from your kids for the first time in awhile is stressful and stressful situations bring on anxiety. But those three good weeks you had are still a victory - you still have learned a lot. It will take time for you to be in control of your anxiety at work, you will have bad days but you will get there.

You mention you keep trying not to think about your anxiety. Perhaps, that is your miss step right there? Telling yourself not to think anxious thoughts is like telling yourself not to think of a pink elephant...eventually you will just keep thinking about that pink elephant! What may help is if you focus on other thoughts. Instead or focusing on not thinking something focus on something positive instead. It is easier to work towards a positive behaviour or cognition then it is to avoid doing something. For example, you said you kept thinking about how you missed your kids. How can we reframe this? How are you helping your kids by going to work? What messages are you telling your kids by going to work and doing what you want to do? Most importantly, I am sure your kids don't want their mom to be hurting or anxious - How do you think your kids would want you to feel at work? If these questions arn't working for you what positive perspective would?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 169

I bring these feelings back by thinking about what I went through, by revisiting the memories of feeling dizzy and off in the car, by thibking in dizzy when I'm really not, by remembering all my anxiety symptoms an just by worrying about my anxiety again.

I was only diagnosed with illness anxiety, I worry too much about my health. So with this cold and other things when my body just doesn't feel right, I worry about what's happening with me? Why am I feeling this way? Why am I so off? I then bring back all the anxiety because of this.

Maybe I need to forget what happened to me, and try to bury the memory so far back that it will never come back. I changed alot of my core beliefs and am working on believing different things to help.

Maybe I need to stop remembering I have anxiety? And say to myself, I don't have it now I haven't had it for three weeks so why start over????

Maybe I need to stop over analyzing my life and just live it?

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Cara

You said it yourself, your life is for your kids. That happy girl can not be if she is not allowed to be. She needs room. Do you miss your kids, or do you worry about them? Do you think about them all the time or do you worry about them all the time? Take a page out of the worry manual. Only worry about them when they are in your presence. Let that girl have some room to be happy. You are allowed to multi task. You are allowed to be you and be a mom at the same time. You will still be there when they need you.

Worry causes information overload which gets in the way of productivity which causes more overload which can show up as "dizzy" or that "not there feeling" even that "on the outside looking in feeling." These are not setbacks, they are sabotage, they are you bringing the anxiety by what is usually excessive concern. So I have to ask, is this what you are doing or is there something else. That something else would be a core belief telling you for a reason only you can know that you can not do what you are doing and it can exaggerate a situation as a reason to give up. Such as you missing your kids. You can miss them and you can be sad as long as it is the type of sad you will have at their weddings. The sort of sad that says they are growing up and you are doing everything you can as right as you can, there is no need for worry.

Since you know you are causing the anxiety do you have an idea how you are doing it. Is there more here than job and kids although those two seem to be the focus. Something you are blocking by focusing on other aspects as an excuse. You once were a happy girl, lets get her back. Find the root.

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 169

Thanks Davit, I was really hoping you would reply as you have helped me the most through this. More than you know. I was feeling some anxiety earlier, dizziness, detachment and feeling off but bby using the CBT skills I learnt and because I have felt these feelings over and over again before I have accepted them as normal and they don't scare me since I have felt these before, althought feelings of depersonalization still does tend to scare me.

I compare because I always search for the normal me, the happy go lucky girl who thought she had the world. Now it's more like I take It a day at a time for nothing, although I keep reminding myself it's for my kids. My kids are my world. They make me smile all the time and they are the reason I push to be better from this anxiety.

How can I keep going when I have these setback? Any advice? How to stop all these dreaded, uneasiness feelings?

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hello Cara.

Remember that CBT is about changing thought patterns. Instead of missing your kids you should be thinking about what they are doing. You should be thinking about how much this time away will make you appreciate them. That sort of positive thought rather than how the job keeps you from them. Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, not depressed.

You are doing very well, concentrate on the achievements. And there are achievements. And the job is important. Even if it isn't, find a reason it is. And please get rid of the associated memory. Please quit comparing, it can only bring up negative memories and you don't want them at the top of the pile. I could pat your hand and say quit the job, but you would not be happy and definitely poorer. And you know that is not how to win. You can not say " I won" unless you do.

Remember you like me have an anxiety disorder built on a lifetime of memories. Anything foreign can trigger it, even the common cold. It will pass, just like the cold. Give yourself some time. You know you really do expect a lot from yourself. Which is probably why you are progressing this fast but it is also going to make you cycle up and down.

A good three weeks? Are you comparing? How about, I had a good day, not perfect but good. That is a positive thought.

Davit.

PS, I am here for you, post often if it helps.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 169

I started my new job yesterday and today was my second day. After today, I was really disappointed in myself because for some reason, I brought back these feelings of sadness and anxiety.

I missed my kids so at work, I thought how I missed my kids and then I felt dread and uneasiness in the pit of my stomach again, that gave me a bad feeling about life in general.

Also, I was so stressed about being at work away from my kids and worrying about me being sick that while driving I started to feel panic again. I've been feeling very anxious and panic again but I'm using my CBT skills to keep it away, but I know its lingering.

How do you stop this? I try not to think about it and remind myself and challenge these thoughts by saying that I'm healthy, and everything came back normal...its all in my head. But its so hard? I had a good three weeks.

I'm also fighting a cold, so I know my body is real tired but because I feel so off I'm getting scared again? I've also had some feelings of unreality again that I hate.

Please help!

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