EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Members List
Member View
Posts created by loves trees

Advanced Search Form

Members List
Moderation Team
Member View
Posts created by loves trees

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Mindfulness

Ashley,

How did i get into meditation:

I took a free class on meditation over 10 years ago. I learned the basic idea behind it and was introduced to deep breathing, etc.. It was good. I got to hear from other people who had been meditating longer had different approaches, some used music for example. That was neat to learn. It was a totally new concept to me. I was raised to pray not meditate. They are different.

Was it difficult?

I have not meditated much in terms of achieving the clear mind. Maybe a half dozen times I've gone deep enough to say I meditated. I guess right now the act of lying there and breathing and relaxing in a focused way gives me something even if it is not full on meditation.

It is calming. My interactions with people right now are rarely calming. Sometimes I find myself telling myself, at least i have tomorrow to rest and meditate to get back to my centre after this social event is over.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

planning for exposure work

So I will be starting week 2 of the program next monday and have documented many many negative thoughts all week and every day it is probably getting easier to catch them and write them down.

I wanted to ask the moderators or others to help me deal with the fact that I cannot avoid exposure to the things taht cause me anxiety because the things that I fear are being rejected by someone, and / or conflict with someone.

I am exposed to situations that cause me anxiety every day because they come in the form of emails or phone calls and basically things people say to me. They say x, and then I have a negative and anxious thought. i.e. "they do'nt care about my needs" or "they don't actually like me they are just bored".

Because "exposure work" is a planned activity later on in the program, what do i do in the meantime? It would be difficult if not impossible not to be exposed to triggers until week 4 or 5 because they are part of my daily tasks. How do others handle this? Advice?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

planning for exposure work

I wanted to add a bit more info here.

I am open to the possibility that I need to reduce the exposure I endure as part of a regular day for the next few weeks while i work this program. It would entail asking a few people to leave me alone for a week or more. It is not easy or practical but it is not outside the realm of possibility. I want to do what it takes to succeed in this program. Is this necessary do you think?

I usually alleviate my anxiety by doing things for people, controlling things and jumping in to prevent them from dissapointing me or doing it "wrong". I think that is called co-dependent. Already this week I feel a bit stronger in resisting the desire to jump in and 'save' people from hurting me or getting angry with me. Lightbulb moment! I have been so worried about being rejected for not being co-depedent anymore. I played the 'what if" and came up with:

- what if i lose a friend or 2 by becoming less controlling based on anxiety and fear of rejection? well if they were only my friends while i was codependent with them, its good i learned that in the long run.

- what if people i don't want to lose get angry with me for not taking over and doing things for them anymore? Well, after their anger subsides, i am sure i'll be able to explain what i need. If their anger or anxiety increases due to my co-dependency decreasing I will a) at least have the skill and insight to manage my reaction to that and b) be in a better position myself to know what sorts of things I can offer them or not offer them by way of support, friendship, etc..

I had a major lightbulb moment this AM. There are key people in my life that I don't want to lose and becoming more assertive and less anxious might alter my relationship with them. I fear this. But I see this more clearly. I see it as a bit insane for me to agree to remain codependent in order to not rock the boat as it were. Maybe my own contentment is becoming more valuable to me and too high a price to pay for a relationship with someone. Yikes. this is scary stuff. but necessary. it feels scary but necesssary to realise this.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Pleasant Activities

Hi Red,

If you google "threads magazine sewing machine review" you'll find their 2002 article that reviews machines. the article is a bit dated but they discuss the qualities to look for and have a downloadable comparison shopping sheet. Their magazine is well researched so I would trust their guidance.

I myself have a machine from the 1980's that works better than most I've sewn on and its because it is (was) an expensive one. i hate to say this if you are on a budget but honestly with sewing machines you really do get what you pay for. I think that there are bells and whistles that no one really "needs" that you pay extra for but honestly the machines that my frinds have paid less than 500$ for a new machine have been really hard to sew with - the tension and basic machinery isn't good quality or well made so the thread breaks, skipped stitches and lots of puttering around fixing things instead of sewing.

the one i use I see is sold on ebay for about 500$ US which is a good deal if it has been treated well. If i had to buy a machine today, I would go with a used Bernina from a reputable store that sells new and used ones if you can locate that so that they can confirm its been well maintained and not abused. Though mine has been hauled around a lot and not babied much and it works really really well. I also notice the sewing shows are often using Pfaff, they are probably good as well. You could go online to a sewing community to ask people what they like too as another way of researching. mysewingcircle.com is one but i'm not too familiar with it yet.

hope that helps.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

planning for exposure work

Just posting this in itself helped me to clarify what I was struggling to understand about exposure work for myself and then all the replies have helped too. thanks everyone.

I challenged myself to think about specific people's responses to my being either co-dependent or assertive with them in the past and realised some people in my life do not take advantage of me, my anxiety clouds my ability to see this sometimes. Some people in my life do appear to take advantage of me and I have taken leave of them for a while during this program, maybe for good.
Like Teebs said, some friendships will change and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

I am probably doing boundary work without really calling it that per se.

My initial reaction when I realised I can be codependent with people is "whoa, i better put a better boundary around myself and everyone" when in reality, I do have a few caring people in my life who do not want me to be codepedent and like when i know what i want and say so.

This program is doing a lot for me. Onward,

trees

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

What would be my exposure?

Personally, I have not found it to be a good idea in my line of work to divulge info about health issues i am dealing with except to tell people I am dealing with some health issues and getting help to address them. In the past, when things get bad for a few days, that is pretty much exactly what I say, to which people are not able to be jerks about it (i.e. judgmental). They don't know what specific health issues I am referring to and it is really I think too much detail to tell them it is about anxiety.

I think that telling people you are managing some stress right now might be a better idea than saying a lot aobut axiety and panic. If someone hears that and they don't know you very well yet, they may judge you. Just my 2 cents. I wanted to say that I do'nt think we can assume all employers are knowledgeable or sympathetic about employee health issues. I read something recently that was about telling someone something personal, wait and check their response, and then decide if you will proced or not with telling them more. Basically figuring out if you can trust them with this info or not. Giving people you work with personal information may not be a good idea. It depends how much they know and how professional they are and whether they will feel they have to make decisions about shifts, workload projects for you based on this info.

If they are understanding, all the better of course. I"ve had one understanding supervisor and yes it makes a big difference.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

planning for exposure work

Hi Ashley,

I guess the answer to "what if this person doesn't want to be my friend anymore" is that I'll be upset about the amount of time I put into that friendship and will have to grieve yet another loss. I know that this is a part of life. There are 2 friednships I lost this year after being friends with them for quite a few years, 10 years for one of them. but they both have their own issues that they have told me they stil ldon't have a handle on. so i am guilty of expecting too much out of htem. i had hoped we would help each other through the rough patches, like i imagine good friends do. they both dissapear as soon as they start to feel depressed. i really care about them. but i know i can't save them.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Working

if you are just finishing up college, chances are at least one or a few people have suggested its normal to be nervous about the 'next step' after graduation. often colleges even have seminars for graduating students to deal with the "what now" feeling that comes from finishing up a program and graduating.It is common to feel "what now" after a few years of having a certain routine as a college student. graduating means losing that familiar place and routine of college life.

It can be helpful to know that feeling 'what now" is normal when we graduate from school. sometimes people minimize this because they say "oh this is normal, you'll get over it". when really you want more support than just a pat on the back sort of thing...

it took insight and courage for you to post how you feel about it. good for you!

starting a new job is nerve racking for me too. this program, the pages in the tool box about challenging anxious thoughts have been really useful for me to get a handle on managing anxiety about these "normal" events we all have to deal with (new jobs, new family members, new things).

good luck!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Problems with Avoidance

I would say it has impacted my life in big and small ways. I have missed out on going to events because of panic that it won't go like I want it to. I have avoided making important decisions more carefully because of the anxiety felt while I try to problem solve.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Pleasant Activities

Awesome! I'm really happy for you.

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved