Welcome. I hope you find this site helpful. I have found it to be an integral part of my progress over the last 3 months. I have received more support here than anywhere else. I hope you find the same. Post as often as you feel you want to. Don't hesitate to post questions or vents or anything at all here.
Welcome! There is a lot of advice and wisdom from the people on this site. i am glad you found it too. I like the image of being on red alert. I can empathize with that feeling.
Something i did recently was simply make a list of things that make me feel good (either content or happy). I just brainstormed for myself things that i enjoy or get something good out of. would that help you? distractions as you call them, might be things you need to relax right now and find some peace for a few moments. there is nothing wrong with having those things.
doing anything that brings a bit of peace even for a few minutes (i.e. a hot bath, etc..) is part of coping and relaxation techniques that are very important parts of the program. Thought i would mention taht in case it helps or gives you some ideas for how to feel "not on red alert" for a few more minutes. and if you follow the program things will get better. anything that feels calming to you is worth doing - crafts, hobbies, reading, listening to music, whatever it is.
I succeeded in raising an emotionally charged issue with someone without letting the feelings around panic take over. I managed to express myself based on optimistic beliefs rather than based on anxiety / negative beliefs. This is a huge success for me.
The number of times I have negative (anxious) thoughts during the day is lower. This in itself has freed up a lot of time and energy for me to focus on other things.
Most important to me is knowing and believing that the next time I get into a rut emotionally, I do have the skills to pull through it and that it won't last forever. My ruts have lasted anywhere from 3 days to 1 year in my lifetime. When I had a 1 year rut, I had no skills and no support to help pull me out of the rut and work on having positive beliefs about myself and living based on those beliefs. My most recent emotional rut was 3 weeks and based on processing lots of emotional stuff from the past. I wanted to include that info for people who find things "underneath" their anxiety when the cbt starts working and they wonder why there are still things to deal with. For me, there were things to deal with, the anxiety was its own issue, and a distraction from being able to deal effectively with other things such as grieving and also becoming more assertive in general. Cbt helps with the anxiety so that you can go on to tackle these other things. I was not prepared for what I was going to experience after going through the 12 steps of the program. Learning how to be assertive, learning how to grieve, those are still skills that take practice even with a lack of anxiety.
I feel i've had success today because I managed to take care of myself better and it is paying off. I am feeling much better.
I like this tip. I just finished being in a rut for almost a month so i"m enjoying being back to having a routine of things i enjoy. if i get into a rut, changing routine seems like a logical option.
I would go into the tool box on the site and use the directions there to help you look into the "what ifs" you are having. (i think this is in sessions 2 or 3).
Starting new meds is always a bit of an unknown, as we know there are potential side effects to each one. again, the tool box and taking time to work with yourself around the "what if's" can help with how you are feeling.
Welcome. I've been using this site for going on 4 months now and reaping great rewards.
Something stuck out from your post here for me. You mentioned struggling to 'stay positive" and then you say you are tired at night and when you are stressed it gets worse. I just wanted to chime in - being tired is not the same thing as being negative or depressed. So I guess I"m curious as to how you define "staying positive" and if you are putting too much pressure on yourself.
It is a lot of work to do CBT - it is 'relearning' how to perceive the internal and the external events around us. Feeling tired is understandable. Having anxiety is tiring too. Concealing it from certain people is tiring too, or at least I find it tiring.
Give yourself a hug and some needed rest if you are tired.
This came at a perfect time for me. the program has raised my self esteem but there are some troubles getting people in my life to now understand that i know how to advocate for myself when I didn't used to do this. I believe I am deserving of respect and recognition for the work I do and the attention I give to others. It is not easy for some people in my life to adjust to my new found assertiveness.
As for your suggestion to consider important people in our lives and how they shaped our self esteem, today I was remembering a sitatuion I was in a few years ago. i sought out support from someone and they didn't think i needed support from them. i am glad that i finally stopped asking that person for support. I realized I deserved more than they could give. While I was in a relationship with them though, they did wreak havoc on my self esteem.
I am looking forward to your future posts on this topic.
Great prayer. Even for someone who is not theistic it has meaning.
Ashley,
That is good advice. When I read your advice to set differences aside and keep conversations light, the thing that came to my mind is that some family members only see each other on holidays and sometimes that can end up meaning that their relationship issues never get addressed. I thought that might be valuable to point out because there might be other members who struggle with some family relationships and have a hard time just keeping things light when the real issues they need to iron out with some family is not being addressed.
There is someone I had a falling out with this year, if I see them over the holidays I do'nt want to pretend everything is ok. I think it would be respectful to pull them aside and acknowledge things still need to be addressed but that it can be done after the holidays. although there are people in my famkily who would be offended by that simple gesture which i guess just goes to show that they don't want to work on the relationships.
i guess my point is that holidays can be really challenging for those of us with very dysfunctional family systems.
I have been sporadic in my contirbutions here this last month but I wanted to welcome you to the site. Davit and others have a lot of knowledge and wisdom to share with you. Ask questions! That is my best advice.
I have been working with myself, working with my mind. that is how i see it these days. my mind is not an enemy , and not something to think of as my adversary. i am learning to work with myself on every level. that is a new belief, and changing beliefs using the 12 weeks worth of exercises is very helpful to address anxiety.
i cannot say enough abouot learning to breathe deeply throughout the day. that has helped as much as everything else (diet, exercise, knowing relaxation techniques, counselling and CBT)
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