I am really struggling with my Mother's behaviour. For as long as I can remember when ever I was sad or upset my mother labelled it as "having nerves" or "its just your nerves" etc. Even when I was just feeling down I was labelled as having a disorder. My Mother has had depressive episodes for as long as I remember and she and I have never got along. I never really felt as though I had a mother at all.
Now when I try to just talk about issues she labels me again. Today, for example, my neighbours pot smoke was filling up my house which made me nauseous and headachy. I complained about it and my mother said "your nerves are really bad tonight".
I just got frustrated and said I had to go. I am really sick of it. It makes me wonder if I don't have any issues at all. Maybe I am more normal than I thought?
I wonder if anyone else out there is struggling with lack of support? I know of a few here. How can I cut off the relationship? I don't want her in my life as she is so negative and cruel but I love my Dad and want to be able to still see him.
Not sure what to do and am not having a good day at all.
I do realize that I can't change my Mother and I accept that even if it stinks :)
I just struggle because during normal conversations she blames nerves for everything. I could break a leg and she would say it was because of my nerves.
I think this comes from the fact that she has had mental health issues all her life. I remember being looked after by a wonderful neighbour while my mother was locked in her bedroom for months at a time. She seems to get mad at me because I am her only child that hasn't told her that I am struggling with anxiety etc. It's my secret and yours here :) My 2 sisters have been medicated for their depression/anxiety and one was hospitalized. I do struggle too but don't share it with them. They have no idea about anything. I don't share anything with any of them but they call me and tell me every thing. I think it bothers my mom that I don't have the same issues as them.
She has always gotten mad and put me down whenever I tried to better myself. She mad fun of me for returning to college after my daughter was in school. At one point she warned my husbands family that I wasn't good enough for them!
Sadly my Mother is poison but yes, she did give me life. Now I just need to take it for myself and leave her out of it which is sad because I love my Dad so much. He is a saint!
I tend towards perfectionism which I recognize as being unrealistic. I also crave recognition and acceptance. I also have a lot of self dislike. I also feel as though I am not gifted in any way and am not good at much of anything other than cleaning.
I was wondering what I could do about this? I punish myself and doubt myself so often.
I was listening to a talk by Tara Brach and she mentioned that the Dalai Lama had never heard of self hatred. He was puzzled. He couldn't imagine not loving yourself.
How can I break this cycle? I feel most of the time like I am never good enough, I will always fail and that I am a loser. I don't have many friends and my relationship with my family members is horrible. I don't trust any of my family members. I feel very alone. Sadly only my 10 year old daughter makes me feel good. Not even my husband makes me feel good.
I do accept though that I am responsible for my own being so maybe it will never matter how much people love me I will always feel like I don't measure up.
Not sure what to do as I am realizing that my depression, anxiety and panic issues stem from my lack of self esteem. What steps can I take?
I have no real friends other than my husband. I don't trust anyone enough to include them in my life. It just isn't worth the risk.
The "friends" I had all my life were ones that came to me with all their problems and then would ditch me if I had any problems of my own. Very disappointing and hurtful.
Also when it comes to my family even I don't trust them as they are gossipy and cruel. So I guess if I followed what the dr suggests I would only be around my husband and daughter which I try to do. I feel safe around them and not safe outside of my home with strangers.
I am constantly terrified of being judged or of being embarrassed. I am terrified of looking stupid.
I am also incredibly hard on myself and I am a perfectionist. I avoid most situations with other adults which is probably why I chose to work with children :)
I would love a vacation and have only been on one in my life. Our family drove to Calgary and Canmore. I loved Canmore. I feel at home. And then we drove back home. What a huge disappointment. No matter how long the vacation is you still have to return back your own sad life. I miss the freedom of Canmore, the scenery, the beauty of it. I didn't have a migraine in Canmore! That is a big deal for me.
I used to think meditation was a good thing but it doesn't seem to change anything in my life. Yes, I sit and clear my mind but I still have to return to my life eventually. It just seems unproductive but I am sure it has some long term value.
I think this thread is a great idea! I have been feeling very down today.
I do have some good news. I got a new job, one that will hopefully be way less stressful. The downside is that the position starts in October so I am facing a horrible summer at my current position.
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