So not worth the pain!!!

Hi, I am new to this site. Just started, but this is a topic of discussion on feelings I am all too familiar with and am actually dealing with at this very moment. I have wanted to fix these feelings now on some small level for years. My boyfriend has been begging me to seek help for almost 2 years, and I've finally reached that breaking point of reaching out for help from someone other than him. I have a very difficult time when my BF chooses to spend his free time with people other than me on his days off. It hurts my feelings alot. Knowing that he needs time away from my "stuff" makes me feel unwanted and like his co-workers and friends are more important than me. It has, at times, sent me into jealous rages, which of course only sends him away to his friends even quicker. I need to learn how to control this anger. I know where it was initiated, and I need help to let that old relationship go so that all those feelings don't carry over into this one. Trust and letting go are foreign concepts to me. I'm sick of feeling like my neediness pushes others away. I'm sick of feeling guilty for asking my boyfriend for more time together and having these feelings when he chooses to take a break from me, instead.

Effects of exercise

Hi, believe it or not, I am a very depressed mind-body fitness instructor. Despite my apparent illness I work with people of all types on a physical and energetic (Chi) level for a living. I love what the work I teach does for my own body and mental well-being and sharing it with others. But for a few years now, I have been taking care of everybody but me. Due to my boyfriend's decision for a job change, we moved and I have been cut off from my own work and the ability/equipment to work myself out. Not having my work has been the major reasoning behind my latest bought with depression and anxiety. It has been a stressful, agonising 5 months, involving lots of financial and material loss and harsh feelings between me and my boyfriend. We are working things out and getting back to the city we used to live, in order that we can both make a living and get me into some therapy. At any rate, I do know a little bit about how exercise affects people in a physically, psychologically, and energetically. Its funny that I read this today, because I just did the same thing as you. Exercise is good for everybody psychologically speaking because it increases our energy levels and evens out our brain chemicals/activity. How our bodies feel is directly related to how we feel emotionally and vice-versa. Its great that you're working out in an attempt to feel better physically and emotionally. However, too much is too much if your body and brain aren't in that kind of shape. 2 hours of working out when you're not in the shape to do so is NOT good for you. Your body will rebel. You're just trying to feel better, you're not training for the Olympics. Like I said, I have not had the opportunity to work myself out on the level I'm used to for several months now. I finally went down to a studio where I had hoped to find a job upon our arrival here and asked if I could rent the equipment. They actually let me use it for free. I felt so great about their generosity that I put myself through a workout much more intense than I was ready for. Ofcourse, I too felt great all day yesterday, but I'm sore as hell today and started having terrible thoughts about myself, too. My advice now for me and for you would be that we both need to continue the working out, but at a steady pac

Used by 'friend'?

You'll have to excuse me, as this is a very sore topic of discussion. I'm going to do my best not to sound mean or condescending. I worked as an exotic dancer after my divorce to make sure my child was taken care of and to get through all of my school and training. That job did quite alot for me in the monetary sense, but it also helped me develop an accute sense of distrust with the male gender, along with several other issues. I used to make alot of money off of men like you who seek out inappropriate, female companionship as a temporary means of dealing with issues at home. Though my dancing and talking to those men was not cheating on the level of actual sex, it was cheating on some level. I felt so terrible for taking advantage of those men...I felt terrible for the girlfriends or wives that must be at home...and I felt terrible about myself. I went from one level of distrusting men post-divorce to a whole new level of very serious distrust. That same level of distrust affects my current relationship, and I've been divorced for years and haven't danced in a strip-club for quite sometime! I am always afraid that my boyfriend will seek out other women when things are not going well between the two of us. This distrust is something I will be working on. I guess i'm telling you in a very long-winded version, that this woman you've had an affair with has very serious issues of her own. I do not know what she may have been thinking she would gain by stealing you from your wife. You made a big mistake by allowing things to get this far with her. Obviously, this must have put major strain on your marriage. Is there anyway you can come to terms with and embrace the fact that you have a woman at home who must truly love you to stand by you through all of this?

Alternative methods?

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone out there has tried alternative methods to medication. I'll be moving back to the city that I have a successful career. I will be able to afford and am planning on doing some intensive therapy. I'm also planning to combine this with help from a Chinese Dr./Accupuncturist. I understand that accupuncture can help depression. My mother has also agreed to help me get together with her homeopathic Dr. He has had alot of success in developing diet and supplement programs for people with depresion/anxiety etc. I have taken meds before and found that they all had terrible side effects. Anti-depressants I have taken before made me feel like I was on cocaine or methamphetamines. I felt like my hair was standing on end everyday. I would get weird shivers or hotflashes when I had negative thoughts. I couldn't sleep or eat and dropped down to 92 pounds. I actually ended up being more depressed and anxietal than before. Then it always takes alot of time to work the meds out of your system. At any rate, does anyone have experience with more natural methods? If so, please share...and I'll keep you all posted as to how my treatments go.

Anger

I have become so enraged that I have destroyed things. Mostly my own things! I got arrested once for throwing a bunch of weights through my own walls and at my car! Luckily, they let me go because I didn't hurt anybody's stuff but my own. I have flown into rages over things my boyfriend does to make me mad alot. Usually, I have a good reason for being mad, but the way I go about it ends up in a fight, and the validity of my argument gets completely thrown out because of my inappropriate behavior. I think that things in my life that happened years ago still come back to haunt me and make the anger I feel that much more intense. It so stupid, because I know that I should take a deep breath and cool down, but I can't! I know what needs to be done, but lose it anyway. I guess I need the help of a therapist to give me more skills in coping with my anger. Thanks Gabbi for starting this discussion. I'll check it regularly.

Used by 'friend'?

I am not religious, at all, but in times of needing to let someone/something go, I have John 11:44 calligraphed and framed on the wall to remind me... I behold the Christ in you. I free you from my anxiety, from my personal idea of what constitutes happiness for you. I trust the spirit of God to illumine you, to guide you, to show you the way that is right for you, the way that is for your highest good, the way that means happiness and success for you. I place you lovingly in the care and keeping of the Father. I stand by in faith. I refrain from imposing my will upon you. You are God's child; you are here to fulfil your own special purpose. As close as I am to you, as much as I love you, I can not live your life for you. Your destiny, your place, your fulfillment is between you and God. I know that we are one in God and that as I trust God in my life and trust Him in your life, all will be well... Bless you now, child of God. I behold the Christ in you. "UNBIND HIM, AND LET HIM GO." John 11:44 Reading and repeating this passage to myself has gotten me through death, divorce, break-ups, and more recently things about my current boyfriend that drive me nuts. I look forward to passing it on to my son, as was passed to me by a parent-figure when approaching adulthood.

Effects of exercise

Thankfully, the job is there! I had a job teaching 6 to 10 clients a day, 5 days a week. My schedule was booked as far as a month in advance! I'm excited to get back to it, knowing that my boss/friend is giving me additional opportunity upon my return, but getting past this difficult time and being stuck in limbo until my house here sells is making me anxious in bad ways. Trying hard to be positive that there is a future. I was a very driven, professional ballerina before the birth of my son, and I tend toward anorexia and workout bulimia because I am so self-concious about my body. If you are an over-achiever in the workout department like I am, maybe workout regimens that are geared more toward calming, balancing, and centering techniques could be looked into. I teach a very yoga and tai-chi based program and practice several types of yoga. When I'm actually taking care of myself, I find it leaves me feeling worked and centered without being over-worked. Being that you are a runner, you could probably use something to stretch your hamstrings and calves, anyway, and could use something to quiet yourself after all that cardio. just a suggestion.

Alternative methods?

I'm not really good with meditation, but my accupuncturist really pushes it. I'm very much a "go, go, go" "do, do, do" person. I generally get depressed when I'm bored and don't have any outlets. On the other hand, when I go and do too much, I forget to take quiet time out for myself and meditate. Its very difficult for me to sit quietly and think positively. I need to get some coaching on that end, as well. I sit quietly after I do yoga and try to get centered, but I need to teach myself to do the same at night when my negative thoughts creep up, instead. The thought of living on medication isn't so depressing in itself to me. I just know how terrible the side effects were and don't want to go there again. This journey I'm about to begin with the alternative methods is going to involve a complete change of diet/lifestyle for me, and I know it. Its going to take alot of dedication to stick to. In some ways it'll be more difficult than just remembering to pop a pill, but I'm hoping that it works. I'm excited to get started feeling better and nervous of all the changes that are neccessary, too.

Anger

I feel so sorry for everyone I'm close to with these anger issues. My boyfriend and my son and all of my friends and family were so proud of me when I was working successfully and feeling good about life. It hurts so much that I have this man in my life who used to brag about me daily to everyone and tell me how beautiful I am every day. He's not very proud of me lately, and my stupid rages have made him embarrassed of me, instead. He helped to create the sorry state of financial problems we are having now, but I have behaved irrationally over it all and made the problems worse than they were to begin with. As a result of everything that's happened, I am moving back to the city where I was successful with my work, and he will not be there with me until his new job there is finalized in mid-January. I know that the time apart will allow us some time to work things out within ourselves, but I'm so scared of being alone. I guess all I can do is get started with healing myself, and hope that when we are re-united that I'll have released all the resentment. I know that all that's happening is for the best, and that I'll be that person he was so proud of again, but the path to get there is frightening. Do any of you have the IM option on this website? Does anyone use it? I am thinking that it may be helpful when I'm feeling lonely after this move.

Riding Public Transport

Hi, Sharon. Congratulations on that big step. I can't imagine living with the level of social anxiety that you experience daily. By the way, what is an experiment report? I suffer from major anxiety with airplanes. It's really silly, considering the fact that I have no problem with cars and that I love to ride motorcycles. I'm not even afraid of heights and used to be an avid rock climber. But every time I have to get on a plane I must prepare for it by getting to the airport early enough to visit the bar for a few drinks first. Fortunately, I'm able to make myself do it because I have to for my work...it's not really much of a choice. I have to fly regularly or I'd miss out on alot of great opportunities. For instance, I'm being flown to Europe to teach for 3 weeks in February. I'll have to make the longest trip on a plane I've ever made since I was a 8 years old. I have to do it because I'll make enough money in that 3 weeks to save myself financially...I'll also have a great experience travelling to another country, but believe me, if there were some other option for travel I'd take it!