Hi powysbiker, If you are unhappy in your marriage why do you stay?I am also in an unhappy marriage and stay because im petrified of being a single parent to my 4 young children we have a comfortable lifestyle if i were to leave i would struggle.I understand how easy it must have been to fall in'lust'with this woman when you dont feel loved by your wife but turning outside the marriage only makes matters worse as youve found out the hard way.Sort something out with your wife whether you stay with her or leave you have to be happy obviously at the moment you arnt happy and if you do nothing about it nothing will get done.Gabbi.

I am not religious, at all, but in times of needing to let someone/something go, I have John 11:44 calligraphed and framed on the wall to remind me... I behold the Christ in you. I free you from my anxiety, from my personal idea of what constitutes happiness for you. I trust the spirit of God to illumine you, to guide you, to show you the way that is right for you, the way that is for your highest good, the way that means happiness and success for you. I place you lovingly in the care and keeping of the Father. I stand by in faith. I refrain from imposing my will upon you. You are God's child; you are here to fulfil your own special purpose. As close as I am to you, as much as I love you, I can not live your life for you. Your destiny, your place, your fulfillment is between you and God. I know that we are one in God and that as I trust God in my life and trust Him in your life, all will be well... Bless you now, child of God. I behold the Christ in you. "UNBIND HIM, AND LET HIM GO." John 11:44 Reading and repeating this passage to myself has gotten me through death, divorce, break-ups, and more recently things about my current boyfriend that drive me nuts. I look forward to passing it on to my son, as was passed to me by a parent-figure when approaching adulthood.

Hi Gabbi and Liz Thank ou for your replies. I'm really sorry if this subject offends the ladies on here. I know that what you are saying is right, and that I should have been strong enough to resist, but I wasn't because I found so much comfort from my friendship with Susie that I couldn't stand to lose her, whereas my wife, althoguh she says she loves me desperately, shouts at me all the time and generally spends her time stamping around the house until I do everything for her to avoid yet another row, I'm frightened of her. Susie had got me to the stage where I was desperately in love with her, I know that this sounds as if I'm yet another inadequate ale..and I probably am but I can't see any point in living without her and yet know that she isn't going to contact me. I got up last night an hour after I went to bed after a panic attack as a result of thinking about her and was up for 5 hours before I could sleep again. I just don't know how to come to terms with it.

As with Liz this is a very sore subject with me also i dont want this to sound nasty either and each to there own but when she kissed you and asked you to take her to bed instead of saying you didnt want to ruin the friendship why not say."im a married man" sort out the issues with your wife and go from there dont look for happiness outside the marriage very rarely does anything good come out of that.Gabbi.

You'll have to excuse me, as this is a very sore topic of discussion. I'm going to do my best not to sound mean or condescending. I worked as an exotic dancer after my divorce to make sure my child was taken care of and to get through all of my school and training. That job did quite alot for me in the monetary sense, but it also helped me develop an accute sense of distrust with the male gender, along with several other issues. I used to make alot of money off of men like you who seek out inappropriate, female companionship as a temporary means of dealing with issues at home. Though my dancing and talking to those men was not cheating on the level of actual sex, it was cheating on some level. I felt so terrible for taking advantage of those men...I felt terrible for the girlfriends or wives that must be at home...and I felt terrible about myself. I went from one level of distrusting men post-divorce to a whole new level of very serious distrust. That same level of distrust affects my current relationship, and I've been divorced for years and haven't danced in a strip-club for quite sometime! I am always afraid that my boyfriend will seek out other women when things are not going well between the two of us. This distrust is something I will be working on. I guess i'm telling you in a very long-winded version, that this woman you've had an affair with has very serious issues of her own. I do not know what she may have been thinking she would gain by stealing you from your wife. You made a big mistake by allowing things to get this far with her. Obviously, this must have put major strain on your marriage. Is there anyway you can come to terms with and embrace the fact that you have a woman at home who must truly love you to stand by you through all of this?

Sorry for the long post but I have tried to be complete rather than concise. After I started on my antidepressants in June, a friend of my wife who had recently thrown her husband out started coming to see us in the evenings several times a week and we would share a bottle of wine (at least). I feel that it is relevant to point out that she is a very beautiful woman who is 18 years younger than me. My wife has always gone to bed early so we used to stay up and talk a lot before I walked her home. She initially told me how much she liked my company but was concerned that she didn't want to make my illness worse so wouldn't come round if she was making things more difficult for me. I assured her that having an 'outsider' with whom to talk made me feel far better. Within a few weeks she started meeting me for lunch and a glass of wine and going to the gym with me. When I was with her I felt that my depression had lifted and was even able to get on with some work. But only for about 4 days in a row and then she'd tell me that she 'needed space' and that I wasn't to contact her. A week or two later she'd ring and ask if I could fix her computer or take her children to school for her and we'd be back to seeing each other for another few days. She knew that I felt very good when she was talking to me and that I got very down, sometimes to the point of feeling suicidal, when she fell out with me. One afternoon she kissed me and asked me to take her to bed, I said I didn't want to spoil our friendship and her reply was "I can have any man I want; if you don't then I'll never speak to you again", so we did. Following this, the usual cycle of events followed except that she'd ring and cancel a trip to the gym at the last minute and then ring either later, or the next day, and say "you sounded a bit shaky and upset last time we spoke, would you like to go to lunch" or she'd ring my wife and say "I hope I didn't upset him because I know how sensitive he is" and then we'd be back in touch until the next time she decided to fall out with me. She claimed that she loved me more than anyone before and I believed that I loved her but am not sure if it is love or dependency. She had persuaded me that it was my home life that was causing my depression and I was o