Hello
My name is Mike and this is my first time posting. I've been actively working with CBT over the past year or so. It does seem to work however once things level out I seem to slide away from the program. Today's globe and mail had an article on antidepressants et.al. and because I am currently taking these types of meds the article terrified me. Perhaps that is the anxiety, afraid of the worst case scenario. I am starting to wean off the meds under my DR.'s supervision because frankly I question their effectiveness. Someone posted here that we must keep on discovering what works for people like us...perhaps the journey is the cure!
Hello again
In a recent discussion with a close friend whose daughter has OCD I was asked about my anxiety and how it has affected me. My answer actually suprised me! I told her that aside from the immediated lousy feelings of stomach running and fear during episodes my anxiety has somewhat been a blessing. I feel more in tune with myself and others, I think my level of empathy for others has increased. Furthermore, I seem to have much more confidence and really do not shy away from letting people know some of my struggles. That is, I no longer cover up the titles of my books on anxiety while sitting in Starbucks...It is fascinating how many people will approach you and the great discussions with complete strangers who share commonalities. I call this public therapy! I some strange way the past year or so has been somewhat of a blessing. Thanks!
Mike
Derek
I think most of us have all been there at some point or another. But I'm telling you buddy it really does get better. It seems really hard when you are in it to believe that it will pass but it will. I find the weird thing about anxiety et.al. is that when we are in it the feeling is so overwhelming that you can never imagine feeling 'normal' again. However, when you are in a period of calm or low anxiety it really is difficult to feel or imagine the intensity of high anxiety. The two feelings are so far apart that only when you are experiencing them do they become real. I try to take heart in the fact that nothing lasts forever and that means high levels of anxiety. Good luck and keep chatting!
mike
Dear Dazed Mommy
Sometimes those fears overwhelm me as well. For me it is like "oh my god what if I start to hear voices or lose control or they have to lock me up and I can't see my kids." The trick of the anxiety is that it seems to work on your greatest fears. I try to put it into perspective like why am I not anxious of streetcars or anything as innocuous as that. When I put it into perspective I realize because having that anxiety wouldn't be an anxiety so in order for us to feel this anxiety we have to have it work on our deepest fears. For me it has made me realize that losing control is one of my greatest fears and by losing control it means being locked up or not having all of my faculties about me. These such fears actually enabled me to isolate my real fear, losing control. So believe it or not, you are completely normal and you will not go crazy or lose it.... You simply have anxiety. It really hit me after my second child was born. Make sure you post often, I find that when other people can empathize and have had similar experiences, thoughts et. al. it makes me realize that I am not alone...
Mike
Dear Dazed
Isn't it amazing how much people who have anxiety have in common in terms of fears, senses and overall angst. For the longest time I have thought I was completely alone in these thoughts and fears. Then I started asking trusted people questions such as "do you ever feel like this, or does this ever happen to you" It is suprising how many people, those who have anxiety and those who don't have had similar discomforting thoughts. I dare to think that perhaps I "we" are more 'normal' than we give ourselves credit for. You reminded me of the first time anxiety hit me. I was sitting with a friend and then this wave of unrealness washed over me. I remember asking my friend "who are you. Who am I" It was as if I left my body and was watching me from above...I felt so detached. It was the most terrifying event in my life and I thought I was going mad and that made me even more terrified. The beauty of it now is that whenever that feeling has returned over the past years, I can never be as frightened as I was the first time...I see that as improvement and in a strange way comforting. Recently one of my students confided that he had this situation happen to him and I was able to reassure him that he wasn't losing his mind and that he was probably suffering from anxiety....The relief on his face was palpaple...anyhow take care and chat soon, lots of luck and thanks for help me keep things in context...
MIKE
Amy
Your early morning feelings are very familiar. Although I am doing quite well these days there are still times when I wake up with that uggh feeling or the racey stomach and I think how the hell can I be anxious even when I am sleeping or worse, is it sitting there waiting as soon as I wake up. I find that taking the first steps of the day could be drudgery...Now when I get up I always say to myself o.k I feel like this now but as I get into my day and get a bit busy it will get better. By busy I mean just getting into the day. I am on med's and am now in the process of weaning off them. To be honest I am not sure to what extent they helped me if at all. The only thing I know is that they gave me very vivid dreams that were all too real and that seemed to keep me tired when I woke up (it is tiring chasig airplanes and dragons all in one night)(. So now I wake up and simply tell myself yes I am anxious or dull but I don't really have any time to give it at this particluar moment so I will be anxious or dull a little later. This really is a neat trick for getting started and actually takes away the importance we tend to place on our 'ucky' feelings...My theory is, if you postpone something it can mean it is not really that important to you. Sorry for rambling but I just want to let you know that you are not 'coocoo' as you so scuccintly put it but 100% normal with a few blips thrown in. But it would be good to check with your doctor just to give you a piece of mind. Good luck and post again...This is a great space to throw it all out there and realize we are generally all o.k but just in need of someone who has been there.
Mike
Hello
I am currently at session 4 of the program. I am really taking my time because I want to practice the techniques quite a bit before moving on. My concern is that right now, actually over the past few weeks I have been doing extremely well and quite well before that. The only anxiety I experience is what I call 'normal' anxiety. Teaching a class etc. As anxiety is best understood while experiencing it how then do I continue to record anxiety records etc. I have set my goals and am doing quite well in the steps moving toward them. I am down to my lowest med level since I started on them and will be off them completely in the next week. In some bizarre way I feel as if a fog has lifted. The question I'm trying to ask is how can I work through the program in the absence of real anxiety...By the way the program is really working thus far.
Michael
I have really learned that everyone has something in their lives that challenges them, some worse than others. This has really developed my sense of empathy and that perhaps people sometimes behave or treat others not in the nicest manner and that perhaps something is going on in their lives that precipitates this. Through my anxiety I've become much more forgiving and understanding and sympathetic where once I may have been short or dismissive. It is still a work in progress but I do notice people are thankful when they are cut some slack....Thanks for all the positive postings...they are real day makers!
Michael
Dear Dazed
Wow those thoughts are so much like my own. I'm wondering if having children somehow makes us worse. I've had thoughts about hurting those I love and yet I would never ever do it. I remember visiting Niagara falls and thinking god what if I through my son over or jumped myself. I actually backed away from the viewing pad. Needless to say the rest of the day was me being anxious about having such horrible thoughts. On the more positive side the Dr. I see once every few months laughed and said "the most ironic thing about those types of thoughts and people who have them it that they are the least likely to follow through with them"...he assured me that it was simply the whole anxiety/OCD ball of wax so to speak....
If I read about someone who jumped off the Don Valley viaduct or something like that I think "will I do that" or people who have a bad experience with medication..."Will that happen to me"...
A little trick I have is simply asking myself..."have I ever done that before? Or...have my meds ever done that to me before? and usually the answer is no. This helps to bring things into perspective
Sorry for the longish diatribe but honestly in some strange way it makes me feel better that others have similar experiences and the fact that we are concerned about it means we aren't the type to do it.
Michael
Some of us are very sensitive to meds and that includes, changing, upping them or even forgetting to take them. Last summer my Dr. suggested I take a small dosage of welbutrin to offset some of the side effects of my anxiety meds. The dosage was quite small but the racy stomach and anxious body was phenomenal. It was if I was starting meds for the first time/ I remember it lasting for at least a week... I think people like us are just sensitive in all capacities, physically, psychologicaly, spirtually, emotionally etal. well at least I am lol. Even the sunshine picks me up and revives me. All winter I used one of the UV Box lights and that really worked noticeably. Apparently alot of Canadians experience SAD (seasonal affective disorder)...Sorry to ramble, good luck and enjoy the sunshine
MJM
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