Hi! I'm not really sure where to start, but I guess I'll givve a quick explaination of my disorder's.
I was first experiencing symptoms of anxiety when I was 11. I didn't know what it was at the time and my parents and I moved past it.
When I was 13 the anxiety got worse (due to bullying) and I missed 3 months of school. I went to a doctor and he diagnosed me with Depression and Social Anxiety.
I moved past the depression and was fine till grade 10 (14). I spent another 3mths away from school. At this time I had my first Panic Attack going up the stairs to my next class. Very scary. I ended up missing another 3 months and was forced to drop out of school. I went to a vocational school for "bad kids and kids that were pregnant or hated school." It was a nice place and I earned a credit.
Anyways.. for a my grade 11 year I was fine. No problems. In grade 12 the symptoms came back, but not as bad. Over the last 5 years my panic attacks would come and go. Nothing that was to serious though.
In August 2006 I had a mental breakdown after my bf of 2 years used me. This placed me into an Agoraphobic state and I wouldn't leave the house for 5 months. I've gotten alot better from what I was, but I seem to reach a certain point and then get worse again. I'm currently in a "worse" stage at the moment, which is the reason I've come here.
I'm on Effexor XR and Lorazopan(sp?). I switched a year ago to these meds because I became used to Paxil over the time I was on it. I also have asthma and use inhalers. I've tried lots of books, therapists and councillors too.
Anyways, that was longer then expected, but thats my story. I've spent over 8 years fighting this and it seems to be a battle thats going on forever.
I've always tried to keep it secret, but its hard to do when people wonder where I run off too. I do tell close friends and my famiily has known and helped me.
Unfortunatly even my family can't understand it after 8yrs of dealing with panic attacks. They don't understand why I can't just put it on the back burner and go on with life.
I can't even work. I can manage a day before my anxiety shows and then they illegally fire me because the company doesn't want to deal with it. I'm a risk I guess.
I don't know what to do. No One gets 'me'.
I miss being able to have a regular coffee. Its nice to have sometimes. I drink decaf tea and caffine free drinks now. Plus drinking more water is better for you anyways :)
Sugar can also be a pain. If I have to much sugar I feel really sick.
A little off topic, but also surrounding the pregnancy issue.
My family is genetically linked to Depression, Anxiety and other mental health disorders. So theres a good chance if I have a child that I'll most likely pass it on. Which in my point of view is living in hell, so I've sworn to myself that I will never have a child of my own. Having Children/Babies doesn't interest me much anyways.
I wonder if its worth it to have aa child when theres a good chance that the child could live with a mental illness?
Thank you all.
I've hit a point where I'm on my last nerve and I don't know what to do anymore. BUT no harm in trying new programs or readings. I can only hope that I will get better to atleast work.
I've had panic attacks that last from a couple minutes to over an hour. Its such a hard thing to go through and its never easy feeling that way.
I usually take a 1mg or .5mg tab of Lorazepam during an attack. It can be very helpful.
Thank you for the replies.
I'm not sure if anything can be done about 'being understood' by anyone. My Mom and Dad get emotional if I talk about it to much. It only ever comes up when I'm very anxious or panicing.
At one point I had a psycologist and the Dr wanted to talk to my Mom about coping with it. She refused. I was upset to hear that considering I rely on my mother alot.
Anyways... sorry.. going off topic..
My doctor told me to cut out caffine and things with heavy sugar since it has the tendency to make anixety worse. Plus I also get vivid dreams when I've had to much caffine or sugar too. Odd how the body works.
I've always relapsed at some point. I can get better for months or a year and then I'll relapse back into a horrible panic/agoraphobic state.
For some reason my body/mind won't let me stay 'better.'
Lately I'll have a few good days/weeks and then something will trigger it again. :confuse:
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