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Posts created by Dart

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Feel like rolling this patch and smoking it...

Hi, I'm new to this forum but not new to quitting. I've tried quitting more times than I can count.

This is day 2 for me, I'm using The Patch for the first time. It seemed counter-intuitive to be continuing to feed my body nicotine while I'm trying to get rid of my nicotine dependence, but I haven't been successful with cold turkey so I might as well give something else a go. So far, OK - I don't feel like I'm trying to function underwater or like I'm on cold medication, but I haven't really stopped thinking about smoking either. I guess all in time, right?

I like the idea that one day I'll never even think about smoking ever again, and it will be something I just used to do and now do not - like peeing your pants before you were potty trained. Or something like that. Don't you wish they had those Men In Black memory eraser things for real? I could just zap out remembering ever having smoked in the first place! Perfect.

Thanks all for sharing your stories. You're all giving me hope.

Cheers

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Feel like rolling this patch and smoking it...

Thanks so much!

It's funny how I do associate so many activities with smoking. Driving, having a glass of wine, reading, my little "me" breaks at work.... it's really difficult to reprogram, but I am really determined to have it stick this time. I have done enough "hell weeks" and I never want to do one again!! In fact, that used to be my justification for going back to smoking! "I'm so good at quitting, it really doesn't matter if I buy a pack and have to quit again. I can do it no problem". Ridiculous, right?!

Anyway, I love N.O.P.E. It's such a simple rule to follow, which prevents me from making up all the other ones I had for myself when I was starting to slip.. "just one a day, after work", "only when I'm drinking", "only at work and when I'm drinking", "only week-days, not weekends..." You know the story. I know now I can't outsmart my addiction or make allowances - and why would I want to, anyway?!? I am so happy to be free from smoking!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Day 3

Hi Carols!

I'm on day 3 today, and I totally agree with the tummy troubles! I could barely squeeze into my work pants today, and I've been trying so hard the past couple of days to eat healthy!

Anyway, so glad to hear someone else has experienced the puffy-tummy as well and understands, I didn't know that was going to be a side-effect... but as uncomfortable as I am right now, I know that it is temporary and I know that it will go away soon.... and that I will never put a stinky death-stick to my lips again!! EVER! Just gotta breath today....

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Feel like rolling this patch and smoking it...

Thanks Red, I will do that!

And WorkingOnIt -- I couldn't agree with you more. I did have a glass of wine last night and went downhill so quickly. I ended up in tears, going to bed depressed, discouraged, and just miserable. Was NOT worth it. I felt like a caged animal in hy house, pacing and unfocussed. I'm pretty sure that's the exact opposite effect I was going for to relax with a beverage. Think I'll stick with tea for a bit.

The worst emotional part of last night (and what made me cry) was the thought that I may not ever be able to enjoy certain things without feeling that uncomfortable need/want clawing away at me. My partner and I have a routine of sitting on our patio and chatting with a drink after work (he's a non-smoker), and it made me so angry to think that I don't have the ability to do that right now and relax.

Today I feel better. One hurdle at a time. I don't need to "bully" myself into feeling normal and resuming my regular life right away. I need to respect the process, listen to myself, and take it one day at a time. NOPE.......... and more than half-way through HELL WEEK!!!

PS - I was joking about smoking the patch.... I can't believe people were actually doing that!! What a terrible horrible drug nicotine is. So happy to be breaking the addiction!!!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

What If ? Part III

I am healing the damage and feeling stronger and better and healthier every day.

I will not smoke today!!! :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Feel like rolling this patch and smoking it...

Thanks so much for the support!

So true about the scents I was missing... I think my sense of smell is beginning to return which has been amazing! I can't believe I was missing out on so much goodness (and some not so goodness, lol).

Today was extremely hard. Very, very hard. I had a presentation to do, and I find them extremely stressful. When it was over and I got back in my truck, I felt like something was missing, like I needed to expell all that nervous energy out with smoking. I thought back to a post I had read earlier, that someone had put nice smelling perfume on their wrists and if they felt like smoking, smelled their wrists to remind them how great it is not to smell like an ashtray! Thanks so much to that poster because it really worked for me - along with some deep breaths and a very lound radio sing-along!

Sly you and others are so strong for going cold turkey! The Patch is really working for me right now, finding it easier to think & function than I have in the past going CT. I'm still on 21mg for another 3 weeks but hopefully when it's time to step down I'll be used to living life without smoking.

Right now, I've got migraine headaches, crazy vivid dreams, and gut-rot... but I am deliriously HAPPY that I've made it to Day 5. NOPE works!! Hope everyone is having a great day!!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Depression and The Patch

I am a week and a half into quitting and I am considering stopping using the nicotine patches.

While they are responsible for the first few days of quitting going so well and easy for me, I'm now struggling with a lot of physical symptoms that are making me absolutely miserable. After reading about Nictoine and what it does to your brain chemistry, it sounds like it takes 6 - 12 weeks for your brain to return to normal. And I'm not sure I can finish another 8 weeks of the patch and then start the 6 - 12 weeks of nicotine withdrawal.

I have never experienced depression before, but now I'm struggling with high high's that feel like a sugar rush, and extremely low lows - I missed work yesterday. My partner and I have been fighting for 3 days. I have had a pounding headache for 3 days. Mostly, my moodiness and knowledge that no matter how hard I try I'm not "myself" is driving me crazy!!

So: do I go headfirst into the storm and detox the nicotine (stop using the patches) because I can't stand the 'limbo' stage and what it's doing to me? Or do I keep going with the patches because they're probably responsible for the fact that I have zero desire to smoke??

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Depression and The Patch

Hi Eyja,

Thanks so much for the support!! "Feeling alienated from yourself" - YES. That is exactly how I'm feeling!! It's horrible, you want to participate in life and celebrate yourself and the new you and be a part of all the things you're used to doing... but you're not quite "you" (and man, is it ever a bummer when your closest love ones point that out when you thought you were doing OK - that is actually the worst ever).

I'll give it some extra thought today; I accidentally forgot to put on a patch this morning, and I'm not whigging out yet!! But I'll probably throw one on as soon as I get home. What I'm trying to do today is to tell myself to respect that it will take a few weeks to break the habit of something I did about every 2 hours at least for a third of my life. Not a bad trade-off. Patience with myself needed.

I might give it another week with the patches and get another weekend or 2 under my belt, and then if the depression and mood swings keep up, go it CT. I honestly can't feel any worse, and as long as I stay stubborn with my quit I can handle those random cravings head-on! Thanks so much for sharing, it's such a booster when someone understands what you're going through!! Cheers!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Depression and The Patch

Congrats to you, Carols!! Look at us all go! We are getting healthier by the day! It's a great feeling waking up knowing I have one more day under my belt that I didn't break, one more day of only good clean air going into my lungs... One day closer to feeling 'normal' again! Wahooo!

Roses, totally true. What works for some may not work for others. I've tried CT before more times than I have fingers and toes, never made it to the 2-week mark (it'd always be some stupid inner rationalization that got me right back, like I can just have one tonight only with this drink....). And that's exactly the reason why I'm hesitant to remove the patch. I'm kicking Butt! I don't even want to smoke!! I just feel like I'm getting lost inside myself sometimes, and that's a feeling I never felt going CT. Like words won't come out and I can't carry on even a basic conversation. I'm calling it depression but I've never been clinically depressed before. I feel tiny, isolated, non-functioning, and SAD. I'll call it the Blues, then, because it's probably not depression.

What Sherry describes is more what I felt going CT. Lethargy, bubble-headed... like you're living under water. Everything is exhausting and looks warped and distorted and takes a while to process thoughts or do tasks. But that didn't last too long, so it was OK. And then I'd get intense cravings and break.

Carols, it's true - you forget about all the other toxins that were in there that mess with your chemistry! You're just a little ahead of me on your quit -- CONGRATS -- so it's interesting to hear your thoughts on quitting with the patch. I'm still on the 21mg, and my 14mg should be arriving this week, so I might step down early and see what happens. So hard to decide - there's no desire to smoke, but I can't really do much else either... what's preferable? Blues or intense cravings to overcome? I'm sick of hearing I'm 'weird right now' or 'not myself these days'!

So glad to hear it gets better. Chin up today, keep breathing, put a smile on and know that I'm a non-smoker for the rest of my life and that this too will pass. Weekend's coming!! :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Day 17

Awesome pick-me-up points here!!!

I had totally forgot about the vacation smoke stress factor! Spending almost $100 to make sure I brought enough with me on longer trips, freaking out while camping if I only had a few left, chain smoking in front of my non-smoking partner or leaving him by himself every half hour to go have one... YES!! No more of that!!

Enjoy the Rockies! What an amazing place to be to appreciate your health and freedom!

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