Yesterday marked two weeks since I stopped drinking. I have had three little slips where I snuck a drink from the bottle but I am so astonished and thankful that I am here.
I am 47 years old. I have had problems with alcohol most of my adult life and for the past few years I have been drinking one to one and half bottles of wine a night. The only times I have abstained from alcohol in the past 15 years was when I was pregnant with my two children and once when I stopped for four days. I have "fallen asleep" (passed out) in the middle of reading bedtime stories to my five year old so many times that he is surprised now that I finish the stories. My short term memory is so bad, I often forget what I am saying before I even finish my sentence. I have stolen money from my children's piggy banks to buy wine and I have frantically dug through all the cupboards in my house, my brothers house and my mother's apartment looking desperately for anything to drink when I have been out.
Now all of a sudden I find myself here. I am sober and clear headed. I have a plan. I have hope and for the first time in a long time I can look around me and see that despite everything I have done, I have been a good mother and my children are both doing well. I am good at my job and I make an important contribution to the lives of many people. I am intelligent and compassionate and creative and there are lots of things that I want to do with my life.
How is it possible that I am here when less than a month ago I was so stuck in self destructive patterns and negative thinking?
Obviously there isn't a simple answer and I know that this is just the beginning of a long journey, but I can tell you that without a doubt, the support and encouragement I have found here has been incredibly important to me. So, to everyone at AHC, thank you for:
- being there night and day, anytime
- offering continuous hope and encouragement
- sharing your stories and feelings
- reminding me to re-read things I have written on good days
- helping me remember that bad days don't last forever
- offering tips and strategies
- having the courage to share your journeys with me
- reaching out to me and others, even when you are having a bad day.
Happy Thanksgiving to those of you in the U.S. To the rest of you - Happy Friday!
