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going on holidays with family and friends who drink

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi mcaodha,

I was thinking of you and was wondering how you were doing....everything good? I thinking about your comment about the feeling of malaise and, now that I think back (I seem to be doing a lot of reflecting and thinking today!) I remember feeling the same way. It was almost like I just had to keep pushing forward on a long journey in confidence that things would turn a corner and they did. I haven't experienced it since so I can only attribute it to the healing process because now I feel quite positive the majority of the time.

How are things progressing for you?

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi mcaodha,

Welcome back and "Well done!" on the 6 month mark! That's a great accomplishment, especially in light of your trip. That stubborn streak can be a blessing, certainly in this case. These tests get much easier and your passed a really tough one by getting past this challenge. Sure there will be more but you'll get to the point where it doesn't faze you, which is very liberating. It's like you're concentration and resolve are a $10 bill and, at first, you need to spend $9 to past the challenge because it is such a huge effort. Eventually you only feel like you need to spend a $1 or less to even consider it, if that makes sense. Glad you're back. No doubt many will benefit from your experience and example to help them move forward.

Great work!

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi mcaodha,

Congrats on being over 6 months AF! Going on a 2 week holiday with drinking friends and remaining AF to me would seem the ultimate test. Your next AF holiday will be better as your status will no longer be in the limelight. I can understand where you're coming from in that I believe when you're AF for a long time you start to wonder whether you really had a problem and whether perhaps you're all better now. I went back to drinking after being AF for two years. Biggest regret of my life. At first I was moderating pretty well but as time went on I just got worse and worse.

I suggest that you reread the posts you and others have made and remind yourself as to why you came here in the first place. I believe you'll fiercely hold on to your success and never let it go.

Keep up the good fight!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Hi Dave and everyone

Cant explain why I have been out of touch, had feelings of malaise but for the last few days had a strong pull to come back online. I need ye

First of all I am still AF and am one week over the 6 months mark, which I am delighted about especially after the holiday in Turkey. I am very grateful to you all for the support i got from you all while I was there.

Looking back it was too soon for me to go away for 14 nights with 7 other people who drink, people who were used to me drinking and for both them and me it was hard at times to adjust to the fact i was not drinking this time. While things were said in jest for example 'its an awful waste of tonic water' I felt on the outside at times, but my stubborn streak would not give in.

Since I have come back I know I did enjoy some parts of the holiday, the weather, the food, read a few books and learnt ways to protect myself for future outings.

I know I cant continue on my own and I need a boost to get me out of this feeling of being stuck, and this is where I feel I will get it

Once again many thanks and happy posting

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi mcaodha,

How did your trip go? How are things now that you are back to reality?

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

You rock Mcaodha! That's a major accomplishment. I've noticed the same thing as what you mention about your friend. That has more to do with him than you. When people feel that way it's usually because they are more uncomfortable with themselves than you. If a person can't relate to you because they aren't drinking then my first suggestion to them would be to stop drinking and figure out what their problem is. Really close friends, who mean the most to you, don't care if you drink.

Keep up the great work Mcaodha. Thanks for the update. Are you having fun on your trip though?

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Day12

Thanks Dave its great when you know people who have walked our walk only those that have or doing so can really relate.

well I am very happy to report I have managed to stay alcohol free. After my last post I turned a corner and it got easier to go out with my companions who are drinking. Looking back I was very anxious, consumed about being different on this holiday.

An interesting conversation happened yesterday, one of group who I would be very close to, admitted he didn't know how to connect with me for example he and I would have gone to the village and had a few drinks and a chat on holidays before and he admitted to me he didn't know how to get around that now that im not drinking, that its not the same my response was I am drinking just not alcohol, that I would love to be able to continue our tradition, but I suspect its more about his stuff than mine..in that he is not comfortable with the new me

2 more days left of the holiday, but not taking anything for granted!!!!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi mcaodha,

You're doing really awesome! It's totally normal and understandable you would feel a little disjointed and PO'd when everything seems "wrong". When it starts happening just say to yourself "This is a test and is part of the process. These things are supposed to be happening and I will get through it and each will make me stronger." It's not easy but neither were the feelings that we were having originally when we started drinking and medicated ourselves. You're learning new skills and ways of dealing with yourself and it's bloody uncomfortable at times. But PLEASE just bare with it and crush these little (although they don't seem like it) tests into the ground. You are supposed to be going through this right now. You are ready for this stuff and there is one thing I can PROMISE you and that is you will feel so much better down the road because you held strong and stuck to your guns. Trust me, I've been going through the same thing. Now when I'm in that situation I don't care. I'm neutral whether people drink around because I AM in control of my decision making. Change is never comfortable and creates its own type of anxiety and sometimes it feels like we're pushing a large stone up hill. It is only temporary and it pays huge dividends later because the stress on your mental muscles makes them stronger. It's the same as lifting weights. We building strength in new skills and replacing old ones that were weak.

It may seem like you are alone in a larger group but you are not. I, for one, am sending you TON's of positive energy and thinking about how you're doing and I have no doubt many more are here too. You're doing so great mcaohda. Stay strong!

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Hi just checking in. start of day 6 of the holiday.

Still managing to abstain, however I found that I was in a ratty mood, very irritable which was obvious to others last night. Everything was wrong I didnt like the waiter, the steak was too well done, they forgot my salad......... it was like I really felt out of place.

In a group of 6 I am the only one not drinking when we go out in the evening.

I am just back from doing a 3km walk this morning in the hope it will raise some endorphins otherwise the next 9 days are going to be tough

This is looking very much feeling sorry for myself but I just dont want to be a martyr

thanks for being there

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Thanks everyone

Yesterday was tough I think it was due to tiredness. When we ate out last night I had strong urges to have a glass of wine, the little voice was telling me sure one is no harm, so I had to break away from the group on the pretence of going to the atm giving myself time to read my survival tips. The main one for me is you are reaching 5 months why ruin it along with reminding myself one drink is too much and 100 was never enough for me. I rejoined the group and changed my thought pattern until I got back to the apt early. I owned my power in that I let myself know, feel what I feel, but abovr all trust and validate myself.

I was delighted to see your posts when I got back THANKS so much

getting ready to go out now today's thought for the day is so appropriate, help is there if we look for it.

chat tomorrow x

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going on holidays with family and friends who drink