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going on holidays with family and friends who drink

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going on holidays with family and friends who drink

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Mcaodha,

Keep up the great work! I know it can be a challenge at times. Over the last number of months I've had a few travel\ holiday experiences with family and friends and there were times when my mind was in a turmoil because I had made a conscious decision not to drink because I was so accustomed to having a drink in those situations. It took focus for sure and logging on here really helped, especially getting the positive feedback. What you're doing right now is SO important and I didn't realize it at the time just how important it was\ is to assert your will and mind over the situations. What you are doing right now when you say "No, thank you, I appreciate the offer though" (that's one I use a lot) is you are re-wiring you mind to a new way of dealing with situations, living, and thinking. Yes, it can be really uncomfortable at times but that will go away. You'll feel better about yourself in a very profound way, and it's something I didn't appreciate in the months past until now. I see now how significant it was and it's really quite incredible. I feel very sure and relaxed in my confidence when I don't drink and I don't get any pressure from anyone about it. I wake up in the mornings and I feel really happy in a very deep way and I couldn't experience that if I was drinking. Now it's something I treasure and you'll find that too. The most important thing about your holidays is the company you keep, and that doesn't include alcohol. When I attended a wedding on the 3rd weekend after I stopped drinking I finished off the weekend reflecting on how good it was to really enjoy the company of my family and friends. You'll find the same so appreciate it for what it truly is. You might be surprised to find some of those with you will find your confidence a positive permission for them have a day or 2 off as well.

Keep checking in Mcaodha! Stay strong.

All the best and have fun!

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 20

Hey...want you to know my last drink was Thursday, May 29th. I will check in with you every day to see how you are fairing, which will help to keep me on the straight and narrow too. I am with you in spirit (but not in spirits..LOL)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 100

mcaodha, that journey sounded quite a challenge! What inspires me about your posts is how you are managing to tune into the people around you and give them a helping hand. Also, I hazard a guess that you'll be taking in so much more of your exotic surroundings, with all your senses, than on previous holidays. Well done so far and keep it going!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Hi I have arried.

My first leg of the journey yesterday was taking the 2am bus to the airport. A guy sat opposite to me and the first thing I noticed he had drink on board and was very keen to chat, which I did and discovered halfway he had a few jars earlier to overcome his fear of flying and talking was taking his mind off his fear, gave him a few tips on minful breatging exercises which both he and I practiced for the remainder of the bus trip...... mine for a different reason of course!

had to change flights in London which ended up being delayed for 2 hours. When I eventually settled into my seat the people sitting next to me who had started their hols with a few scoops at the airport arrived and settled in for a session during the 4 hour flight, I even held her lovely chilled chardonnay while she rooted in her bag for stuff,!

My sister asked me are you serious about not drinking? YES YES YES

Eventually we arrived to our place of destination to a monsoon battered tired and humours of boiled rats!

went for a meal 6 of us and I sipped my soda water while other sipped wine, back to the apt and I drank green tea while my companions enjoyed a few more drinks. ALL WHICH I WOULD HAVE DONE LAST YEAR

off to bed i went and said my prayers in thanksgiving for getting through and knowing you folks were with me.

now day 2 and guess who was up bright eyed and bushy tailed

One day ar a time

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Thank you all for your encouraging support and advice, I am off on Sunday and I intend to log in everyday so I keep my intention of not drinking on target. Long walks, loads of reading, mindfulness practice and thoughts of how disappointed Peter would be if I don't, along with printing off all the advice in the toolbox should also help. Will keep in touch

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi mcoadha,

First of all a HUGE congratulations on being nearly 5 months without a drink!! I'm sure you've faced many challenges to reach where you are today and you have learned an enormous amount about what has contributed to your success.

Foxman & Dave have provided amazing support and tips for you to use while you are on holiday. It sounds like this will be your biggest challenge so far - but I have no doubt you can get through it.

Glad to hear you were straight up with your friends, letting them know ahead of time you do not plan on drinking.

What have you planned to do to distract yourself or as alternatives to alcohol? What has been your best strategy to date?

If you can, please check in with us and let us know how you're doing! We'll be thinking of you!

Vincenza, Health Educator

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi mcoadha,

I can really relate to what you are saying and the expectation for your holidays. Holidays usually entail a lot of drinking and partying in most cultures and , after spending a week in Ireland (I believe that's where you're from?), it's easy to see why you'd be concerned. I've had a few experiences like what you describe with family and friends. My nieces wedding was a fly-away to the east coast (2 1/2 weeks into quitting) and was a real blow-out. Like yourself, I told my family and friends ahead of time I'm wouldn't be drinking and there wasn't any pressure from them to drink. The times that someone dis start to pressure me when that person was intoxicated was met with a very assertive refusal. Assertiveness is so key to this process of learning to live a different lifestyle based on OUR choice. Perhaps that is one of the reasons you feel the anxiety and depression...because you may not be supported in YOUR choice? Not being assertive is very often a core reason for our drinking. We sacrifice our sense of self by caving into the peer pressure or we place others before us trying to be the problem solver and lose our personal power. It's really quite disturbing and offensive if the people close to you apply pressure to drink to be part of the 'group'. ANYTIME someone does that I dig in and take it as a people challenge NOT to drink. This holiday is really important for you because you establishing new mental pathways in your brain that challenge and define how you deal with situations like this. Change is never comfortable but you can do this and you need to do it. Another example of what you describe are my annual trips with my buddies where we're gone for 1-2 weeks and the dinner, drinking, sharing late into the night is a ritual. That was difficult and had it's share of anxiety and I gave them fair warning I wouldn't be drinking. I didn't cave and you know what? I am so grateful I didn't because it was so empowering now that I look back and it also clearly established boundaries of for my choices in their mind. They clearly understand I am perfectly fine not drinking. It's now freed me to relax moving forward and I feel no pressure with the anticipation of future holidays. You mentioned this is an annual event so you're not missing anything if you don't drink. Quite the contrary because you are re-defining the 'new and improved' mcaohda.

Hopefully when you're away you'll have access to a laptop\ internet and can post and document you're experience. I did that when I was at the wedding and it really helped A LOT because it kept me connected to my intentions and my plan and was extremely helpful. It gave me a vehicle to work through what I was trying to process mentally and the positive support kept me centred on my decision. This is one of those tests that will challenge you but you are ready for it so embrace it and step on it with the heal of you boot (or hopefully a bare foot in the sand) and crush it into oblivion.

You're doing so great mcaodha! Well done on your progress! I really admire what you've accomplished and it's such a positive example of strength for those here moving past this challenge. Great work!

Best regards,

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I just googled AA meetings in Turkey and I found a few of them, English speaking groups. You are always welcome in AA any part of the world, even if you don't know the language. We communicate through the heart.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Hi I am approaching 5 months since I last took a drink, I feel a lot better, clearer in my head and see and appreciate the advantages of not drinking, and the urges are not as often and I have managed to face them so far, working the one day at a time. However I am going on my annual holidays with my sister and friends to Turkey, and there is a lot of drinking during these 2 weeks which I would have actively participated in.

I have told them I am not drinking, and don't plan to do so, however as the time is getting nearer I am feeling anxious, and depressed that I may not be strong enough to resist. I love where we go and I usually read a lot and take walks while I am there, but when the evening comes, its dinner with wine and drinks into the late night, sitting out on the balcony chatting.

Any nuggets of advice to survive and still enjoy my holiday would be most welcome

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going on holidays with family and friends who drink