Hi ND,
Of course you are allowed to be angry! However, it likely won’t do you any good at all. As you’ve learned, your husband takes your anger as confirmation that you are struggling with sobriety. I agree with you that it was totally inappropriate for him to say what he did in front of your son. Not sure why he feels the need to watch your every emotion so closely. Sounds like he is being unnecessarily hypervigilant.
Not knowing what you have already said to him I can only suggest having a “boundaries talk” with him. Let him know in a very controlled and calm manner how deeply hurt and embarrassed you felt for his indiscretion and that you need for him to respect you. Tell him that you have many responsibilities and unfortunately when you’re feeling a little overwhelmed that it may show on your face from time to time. Make it clear that just because you appear stressed, he is not to assume that you’ll fill up on alcohol. Reiterate that you are an adult and would very much appreciate being treated as such.
Then throw the ball in his court and ask him if he feels his constant
watchful waiting game is helpful to you. Ask him if he feels it is appropriate for him to discuss such a sensitive topic in front of the children. Ask him how he feels about your progress. Never defend yourself simply tell him how you think he must feel about you based on his actions...calmly.