Hello! I'm new and could really use support. I was married last spring to a man I love with everything I have.We live in the Midwest, with our blended family. I actually have a bachelors degree in addiction counseling. I'm 42 and my husband is 45; I'm now a stay at home mom and my husband is a highly successful business man. He is an a amazing father. Before we got married there were a few times was beyond drunk, and in one of those times was horrificly verbally abusive, I've never even told him what he said during that first crazy night. His father (he passed at 49) was. Very verbally and physically abuse when he was growing up. After we've been married there have two horrible times again where he was beyond drunk and verbally abusive. Tonight we had a night alone, both of our kids are with our ex's and enjoying watching the Super Bowl. My youngest son and my husband apparently did not agree with who should win, and did the normal talk about who'd win and raz each other about it, neither are die hard fans. The patriots win and his mood changes, he is drunk. Out of know where , he becomes angry and starts telling me in a very mad tone to tell my 13 year old son to not say a word when he comes back tomorrow. At first I thought he was kidding because they do this kind of stuff all the time for fun. I said, come on your not serious and he just became enraged, telling me to tell my son again to not say a word. I then realized he was drunk to the mean stage, and tre
a tried to deescalte the situation, I was still in shock about how rediculous it was. He stormed off, went to bed and I got my pillows to sleep on the couch. He came out again and started arguing, normally in these situations I have always been hurt and cried and begged for him to love me and felt sick about iteven when it wasn't my fault. He can go to bed ( in still on the sofa) and wake up and it will be my fault. He can leave me all day at work when has done these things and expect me to forget and move on. Tonight I didn't chase after him, I just couldn't. If I say anything when he's had enough to drink he tells me to leave him alone. Tonight was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. When he starts drinking , it seems he can't stop. I've seen him drunk around his kids and is still the same nice dad, with me he just lashes out . I don't know what to do anymore, he says he loves me and says he doesn't get how I don't know.But when he gets drunk and acts like an idiot over something that was so no big deal, my security in myself is quickly being pecked away. Please help. I know I can't change him, he has to want to stop, he's said he realizes he has a problem but won't do anything. How can something so ridiculous out of the blue infuriate him. He does this all the time with the kids ( giving the kids hard time in a playful way and vice versa) and it's never been an issue. We weren't even talking about my son, out of all of my kids he gets along with my youngest the best. It sounds crazy, and in the end I'd usually apologize because I'm so afraid of losing him, and my self esteem is shot. I'm starting to feel numb inside. I love my husband very much, but how do I deal with him when he desires to get drunk and is mean . If you've read this far, I appreciate it. Just writing it out is therapeutic in a way.