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Topic: CBT Day ? Communication, Part III


16 years ago 0 74 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
timing *sheesh* I'm so impatient when I want to say something, that I'm practically squirming in my seat waiting for a chance to say my bit - especially if I'm ticked in some way. I totally admire those of you who can take a time out, breathe, journal about it, write it out and then approach the matter in a calm way. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]9/9/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 536 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 21,440 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10,720.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 49 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 28 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17
16 years ago 0 515 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Misty I know, for me, if i write it down first(or type it)/journal about it, then all of sudden it doesn't seem so bad and i tend to lose my strong emotions (anger etc.) It makes it easier for me to talk about it after that because i am more "level headed" and can think before i speak. Although, i must MAKE myself journal about it first - that is the key for me. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/7/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 51 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 918 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $358.02 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 26 [B]Seconds:[/B] 20
16 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You have answered your own question :) Josie, Health Educator
16 years ago 0 591 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Do I write the letter and give it to him, or just write it as practice for what I want to say to him and throw it away? I think that i communicate better in writing than in person because I don't get so emotional. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 590 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 44,250 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11,062.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 3 [B]Seconds:[/B] 29
16 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Misty, Communication can be complicated but doable. Putting forth what you want in anger will only escalate the situation. Take some time when you are both calm and talk it through. Express what you would like and let him express as well. Writing a letter has also been seen as therapeutic and it can make a difference with expressing feelings and emotions. Expectations have to reasonable. Journaling can help you sort out your feelings and ideas and make them more presentable in a positive state. We all need to be heard, approaching it the right way can help you communicate more effectively :) Josie, Health Educator
16 years ago 0 591 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Wow Josie - that timing part really struck a chord with me. I don't recal a time that I communicated my needs at a time that my husband and I weren't fighting. After he's let me down, i'm hurt, or angry... then, I tell him what I need from him... usually in the middle of an arguement. :8o: then I get upset when he does it again, "we've already faught about this once!" So - help me out here for a second? Do I not tell him why i'm upset when I get upset? If I do tell him, how do I go about that? This part right here usually leeds to an arguement with us because he usually gets defensive and then i get angry. Should we just not do this part? Go and cool off, journal.. whatever? Then when we do talk about about it and I express my needs to him.. do I bring up the incident in question when I felt like he let me down? Or just communicate that as though it never happened? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 588 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 44,100 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11,025.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 52 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17
16 years ago 0 579 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Josie, I am really enjoying the CBT threads. Even after being quit for some time, I can recognise situations where I would run and hide (smoke). Developing new coping skills is critical. Thanks for the therapy! Lizzie :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]4/23/2003 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1769 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 26,535 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �6,633.75 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 181 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 24 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24
  • Quit Meter

    $8,922.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 789 Hours: 8

    Minutes: 9 Seconds: 55

    Life Gained

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    5948

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    35,688

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16 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Welcome to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Day (CBT) on the forums! Every Sunday and Thursday will now be known as CBT day. Every Sunday a SSC health educator will launch a challenge. Members are encouraged to take on the challenge and post their results. On the following Thursday, a SSC educator will post specific tips and strategies to aid you in the way you look/interpret yourself and the way you view the world. This month we have discussed anger & communication skills. This week we will explore specific problematic communication patterns... Blaming Blaming is what happens when you try hard to convince yourself and the other person that the problem is the other person�s fault. Unless you�re trapped in an abusive relationship, start with the assumption that you�re 50% responsible for the problem and the other person is 50% responsible. Self-Blame Sometimes, when people have a problem in a relationship they often believe that the problem is entirely their fault. Instead of trying to solve the problem in the relationship they spend a lot of time thinking about what a terrible, miserable and rotten person they are. As you might guess, instead of getting the problem solved, such thinking can lead to sadness. Another possibility is to use the Responsibility Pie technique. The technique is pretty simple. First, write down a list of all the factors that are responsible for creating the situation that makes you feel ashamed or guilty, including you. Next, record how much responsibility you want to give to each factor as a percentage out of the total of 100%. Next, draw a circle on a piece of paper. Finally start assigning each factor that is responsible for the situation a slice of the Responsibility Pie. The best way to do this is to make the size of each slice proportional to the responsibility that you assign to that factor. For example, if you assign yourself 50% responsibility, then give yourself half of the Responsibility Pie. Denying Your Needs People who communicate with a very passive style often deny their own feelings and needs. They feel sad, angry, or hurt but they deny their feelings and needs, even when asked directly. As a result, they get frustrated and angry because they feel unheard and disrespected. Other people get frustrated and angry because they have to guess what the passive person is feeling and needing. The answer to this problem is to adopt a more assertive communication style. More about that a little bit later� Yes Butting People who communicate in a passive or passive-aggressive way can do a lot of �yes butting.� In response to any suggestion from the other person for how to solve a problem or make a decision they say �yes, but�� Usually people who �yes but� don�t come up with any solutions of their own, they just reject all of the solutions of the other person. If you�ve ever been in a relationship with someone who is a �yes, butter� you know how frustrating it can be. No matter what you try to suggest, it isn�t quite good enough. So, what happens? That�s right, eventually you respond to the constant rejection by giving up and withdrawing. The solution to �yes, butting� is to recognize the symptoms, inhibit the impulse to criticize, assert what you really need and want, and be prepared to compromise. Timing Timing IS everything. Sometimes we assert our needs and wants at the wrong time. As a result, we don�t get what we need or want. We get an argument. The secret to timing is to get better at taking the other person�s perspective and understanding what they need and want. More about this a bit later� This week we challenge you to keep count. How many times have you fallen into these problematic communication patterns? As you track, don�t forget to note the 5 W�s of your anger: Who was there? What happened? Where did it happen? And why did it happen? Don�t forget to share your results here and to tune in on Thursday for part IV! Josie

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