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mad!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Deb; Thanks for your kind replies! I know you can't log in every day : ) No one can - it does take energy and time to post and offer support at SSC - and people come and go as their lives and circumstances dictate. It's a good thing : ) It's just that I was online a lot on the weekend and feeling some kind of blue, so I think that's what you picked up on. And I was concerned about you, wondering if you were feeling better and if I could offer any words of comfort.

I just wanted to let you know how great you're doing - even through the tears & sensitivity, you’re still rocking this Quit! I really noticed the emotional stuff (tears!) hanging on, even after being quit for two months - and remember wondering when this (annoying) aspect of the quitting process would finally ease up. And it does get better - every day :)

I’m so glad that you’re doing better now and well on your way on the 50 day cruise. I hear you have some great lookin’ tan & buff Cabana boys on board serving up margaritas too

. Cool! Now that’s what I call a reward.

Cruise on!

Eyja

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 375

ejya! I can't log on everyday. I just read your most recent post and I felt horrible because when you write, it means so so much. Please don't give up on anyone that can't write everyday. Your words are so important.

You literally changed my head! I hope you're doing okay. Don't worry about a day of silence. You are so valued and loved. And you single handedly kept me going with my quit. You. You are so important and so beautiful. Your spirit shines through in every post that you write.

No discouragement anymore young lady. You have too much to give.... and there are a ton of others out there who want to give back to you too.

xoxoxoxoxoxox.

Deb

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 375

Oh my Gosh Eyja.

I haven't read your most recent post yet, but need to tell you that your first post was the most perfect thing a person could have ever said at a time that it was most needed. What I needed was a head shift. And not only did you give me a powerful headshift, you made me laugh.

You yanked me up by my shorts, put things in perspective, and I needed that so much. You are a rock star. The thing I love about this site is that someone always manages to say just the right thing!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are such an amazing girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things are calmed down here. I decided to just hang in there and do what I'm supposed to do everyday. Number 1 not smoke. Number 2 take care of my little boy. Number 3 work. Number 4 take care of myself. ........

Love you Girl!

Thank you for shifting my sand and helping me see things from a totally different perspective. I needed that, and it meant a lot. I don't feel in limbo anymore.

Deb

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Perhaps my timing is off! I read the posts; smile; empathize; cheer; think; think; think . . . then I try to offer something of value to a post; diligently post my reply when I finally have it - and - the board goes as silent as the dead of a winter night! I guess I'm just lurking away here daily (instead of smoking!) and others are (hopefully) just really lucky to have important, wonderful other things to do!

Anyway, if you're all done with mad! now Deb, that's great! I'm just another one here who is rooting for you every step of the way with your successful quit to date. Thanks for sharing here at SSC : ) Eyja

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hello Deb : ) Big hug to you for all you’ve been through the past few days! I relate to your feelings of displacement at this crucial time in your quit. It really is like ‘limbo’ when you feel like you’re somewhere between the category of “I’m a Smoker” & “I’m definitely a Non smoker.” In fact, what the heck is being a ‘Nonsmoker’ even supposed to feel like?? Not sure if this will help you, but it gave me a boost when I faced the same dilemma, so thought I’d share. The gist of this philosophy is to shift your thinking from ‘being’ (passive/noun) mentality to ‘doing’ (proactive/verb) mentality. I.E.; When you view yourself as a ‘Smoker’ or ‘Non /Ex-Smoker you’re repeatedly reinforcing your mind’s picture of yourself as some version of a - you guessed it - ‘Smoker’. So that remains your focus. The example used in the article I read was to switch the (noun) from ‘Smoker’ to , say ‘Diaper-wearer’ . . . Now, can you imagine a new parent going around bragging up their child’s major transition to ‘big kid’ pants by calling him/her a ‘Non-Diaper-wearer’ ? Hmm . . not too likely! Instead we say something like “Wow Buddy, you’re doing great! Just look at these new undies you’re wearing! You’ve outgrown those diapers. You’re a big kid now!” etc . . . For some reason, this slight shift of thinking helped me look at NOPE in a different light - Now when someone asks me (sometimes derisively) if I’m still a Non-smoker, I just smile and say “Well I don’t smoke. ” and leave it at that.

Sure hope you reward yourself too Deb - sounds like your (reward?) time spent making a lovely lunch for your partner didn’t quite work as planned - so I hope you went ahead and ate it yourself! Wishing you a restful evening : )

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 375

Well.........

I wrote when I was at home. Ate breakfast, took my vitamin, and then decided to make my guy a really great lunch and took it to his office as an 'I love you' gesture. I had to work really hard to stay positive this morning.

I got there, he took it, said thanks, and started laying in again. When he's worried about money, all bets are off and he will and does attack everything and everyone around him-- and the subject isn't necessarily about money-- it's about everything he thinks is wrong with me. Now, just for clarifications sake, I know for a fact that this isn't about me-- just in case any of you out there were worried that I'm taking this on.

So I listened for a few minutes. I didn't say a word. I told him I was sorry he was feeling so bad, and then I turned around and walked away. Cried again when I got into my car. Drove to DMV because I lost my license somewhere yesterday-- fixed that. Came to work.

I'm lucky in many ways with supportive people. You guys for instance! But I also have an office in a church, and the reverend here is probably one of the kindest persons I've ever met. I wasn't crying anymore, but he stopped by my office to say hi and realized that I had been crying so he chatted with me for awhile. That helped a lot. He got me to laugh.

Regardless of how my days go, and I'm going through some bad days lately, I still have no desire to smoke. I don't have much of a desire to go home either! That's not good. Hopefully things will smooth out. This kind of behavior from him is extremely rare. Usually he's lovely.

My strategy at this point (and because I've already talked to him rationally about how his behavior is affecting me to no avail), is to steer clear and engage with him as little as possible until he comes to his senses. It's hard to fight with someone when they aren't present, and I'm feeling self-protective at this point. In the trenches extreme self-care seems like the best course of action.

Wish me luck. But my promise to everyone today is that I will not smoke. That goes with the extreme self-care package.

Deb

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 375

Wills,

I'm not worried about smoking too much. I went to bed early and thought about it a bit more-- I realized that I'm in the quit phase where I don't identify with being a smoker anymore, but I don't identify with being a non-smoker yet either. I think that's more what I was trying to get at-- it's a limbo phase and I look forward to getting past it because it really is an uncomfortable feeling. Part of it also leads to the next paragraph!

Josie, your post helped a lot. I've been under a lot of pressure at work, and lately a lot of pressure at home, and haven't had time to do much relaxing or rewarding. Unfortunately, I'm out of vacation time at the moment, and am trying to build some up for holiday time. But that doesn't mean I can't take bits of time for myself during the work day, and rest more at home. I made myself slow down last night and take it easy. I separated myself from my partner, got into bed, and read. Sometimes taking a little break from each other when angry is the best medicine. So I'm not upset anymore, and he's not either.

I also am taking extra time for myself this morning-- going to make sure I eat breakfast because I've skipped that for 4 days now. I even skipped lunch yesterday, and I'm sure that didn't help my mood.

Vitamins too, and a walk today. And hey, on a positive note, I'm down 5 pounds.

Ron I promise to board with you! Thanks for such a nice post. You also encouraged me to slow down last night and get away from the person who was irritating me. We all love our loved ones, right? But we also know there are times when we don't necessarily like them! Getting away and cooling off helps with the liking part again.

Thank you everyone. Gonna go eat breakfast. It's a new day.

Deb

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 792

Smoking is never the answer to any problem. In most cases, taking a cigarette results in a more serious situation than the problem leading you to take it.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 377

Hi Deb,

I can relate with the Mad thing. I'm telling you anyone and everyone came out of the woodwork when I quit and pushed my buttons big time. It's always why I relapsed and it always "because of them". This last time I said "No Way". Deb what I can say is your quit is so precious and you have gone 45 smoke free days (not counting the other 45 days from past quits) and frankly these people including kids, BF's whatever are not worth caving over. Stick with us and do what I did on my trip recently. Just feel the yuck and tell yourself you will get over it shortly. The secret is it passes. When it passes you will have done what you have wanted to do in the past. That is to not let anything control you. You are now in charge and it's powerful. You are a strong woman who has so much to help the world. You just can't do well unless you get rid of that nicotine monster. You can do it..yes you can. Like Josie says just take time for yourself and tell everyone to just chill and if necessary GET LOST