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Do I tell my boss?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Jacques, in two paragraphs you have helped alleviate 10 years of guilt and shame. I actually felt real feelings, they came and went taking so much pain. I'm not exaggerating. I didn't curl in on myself. I didn't drink. I didn't freak out. Your words... actually I don't know how to explain, except that this is a really big deal to be able to use your thoughts on the matter to change 10 years of negative thoughts. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Maybe I have a different view because I have employed people. Not every employer is the same and the focus is too often on the bad employer who would kick a sick person on the street as soon as he can. The worst are the new lower-management people, who need to make a career for themselves; they don't know yet how to value people. Tenured managers know how to value employees and look at the complete picture.

I think you are too hard on yourself. You followed the common perception that people with illnesses only cost the employer money. You shouldn't blame yourself for that. If your previous employer needed 4 people to replace you, you are probably much better employable than you think.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Really good points Jacques. I sure wish I had known all this when I quit an absolutely wonderful job because I felt too depressed to function. My employer was very willing to help out in whatever way I needed, but I just felt like such a loser. Such a slacker. So I quit. They had to hire 4 people to replace me. Four! Talk about skewed perceptions.

I have long held that it was the best thing for the employer.... but I never thought about those things you wrote.

I feel really sad... I left 10 years ago and haven't worked outside the home since. I don't think I ever grieved that loss because I'm sitting here feeling weepy and my reaction ... well... i just wasn't expecting it.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Pete;

Personally I think your GP's advise was at least incomplete. Mental illnesses have a stigma and I don't deny that, however good employees are kept despite work hampering illnesses as long as the employers know what they can do to make things easier for the employee. Employers often invest large amounts of money in training etc., so making the workplace easier for a sick employee is often cheaper than training a new employee... On top of that: employees who have been facilitated with their desease are often very loyal and often become the corporate memory of the organization.

Besides that an employment gap in your resume will also result in questions with future employers and you will need to explain it. So the issue will come out anyway. You can create a web of lies, but seasoned interviewers pick up on lies and you will lose your chance on employment. It is better to come clean and tell that you were ill, had treatment and are ready to enter the workforce again. You do not have to go into detail what the illness was or what kind of treatment was provided. Do be ready to explain specific adjustments that may be needed in the workplace, such as no night shifts etc.. Your illness might even work in your advantage as you will have to live a very balanced life to limit the chance on a recurrence of the symptoms. By having a balanced life, your reliability factor for the employer increases.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Well it was pretty much just an overload of emotion at what a mess i am in, and i find when i tell myself to hold it together that's usually when i fall to pieces also the fact i already have low self esteem and it was just a kick in the nuts to have to ask for my job back, i had also made a web of lies regarding my resignation which was questioned, that didn't help.

I have had i diagnoses of dysthymia and at the time what my psychiatrist believes to be a double depression type issue, and coming out with it all at work was hindered by the advice of my gp who told me being young and having this types of issues exposed at work could harm my future in the company.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Great advice!

I also like to add that it is important to be clear with your employer about what you are going through. Saying you are feeling a little down is different then being depressed. Depression is serious so downplaying it to an employer might make things more difficult for you. Also, seeking out treatment and a diagnoses can be beneficial to show an employer prior to asking for time off.

Pete, what do you think caused you to be on the verge of tears while talking to your boss. How would you prepare yourself differently if you had to do it over again?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

This is a good discussion and i like reading the positive stories about depression in the workplace.

I'm only 22 yrs old male currently living in Australia and have been working with a company for the past 2 and half years, as my depression got worse being at work was like a living hell, i was always super quite anyway and i am sure most people knew i was in a bad way ,i made the fatal mistake of keeping it all bottled up and felt guilty taking sick leave because in my mind i thought the following,

- mental illness doesn't warrant time off work (only physical illness so i had some pretty messy plans to get time off)

-it's difficult for me as a young male to come out and say "hey i am feeling a little down can i have some time off to recover"

-In my opinion there is a stigma that comes with depression and i was afraid people wouldn't understand.

-it was a busy time of the year and the supervisor was on leave for anxiety attacks, he turned out bi-polar! ( this still didn't convince me that my problems warrant time off.)

Anyway i quit my job shorty after i had an episode at work where i just broke down and fled in tears, and it was hard to say anything because i knew i would cry and i felt so ashamed, now unemployed after a couple months i feel a lot better on my meds and weekly visits to my psychiatrist.

I went back asking for my job back and my mouth went bone dry and i could barely speak and was on the verge of tears again.

what i have learned is if it's getting really bad speak to someone in the workplace about it and don't quit your job on a whim like i did.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 23

Hi everyone!

Ashley, you said you wanted positive stories about telling your boss. I had a great response from my boss.

One of my major troubles was getting up, showered and dressed in the morning, and I was often late or at work in the nick of time so-to-speak. I was also getting quieter and quieter as the weeks went on, and my work started to slip a little. None of these were so much that I was doing a 'bad' job, but that I was no longer doing a good job.

I ended up telling my boss when I realised that I was very close to not having my contract renewed (and the whole crying at work thing - red, puffy eyes are a bit of a give away).

She was very supportive, even though she doesn't entirely understand what it is like. And by telling her, not only did it explain my falling attendance and productivity but I was also made aware of mechanisms in the workplace that I could take advantage of and help me get through this. If I had not told her, I would probably no longer have a job, and I would have been unaware of all the support that was in place to help employees if they needed it.

I also found that my two bosses helped keep an eye on me, to make sure I was okay. Simple stuff, such as reminding me that I *have* to take a break (and to eat something) every 5 hours, that I really should be out of the office before 7pm, even if my work isn't done etc.

I'm young and have only just entered the workplace and the amount of support I have received and the knowledge that if I *need* to take time off I can has made me reconsider career options and I have, in the short term decided to stay in my current industry due to the support mechanisms in place.

I never realised that this would be something that would influence my career choices, but if you are in a situation where you are not receiving support, remember there are workplaces out there that *do* provide support and maybe consider a change if your workplace is affecting you negatively or having an impact on your health and recovery.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 217

Hi kcbaseballguy,

Take your time, use the program to help you get things in order and work on a plan to work towards your goals. Start writing in a journal, finding a way to express yourself might help you out. It really helps me...sometimes I just need to get my feelings and emotions out and jotting things down in a chicken scratch mess makes a world of difference..

Know that you are not alone, I hear you.

Strength

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 23

I haven't said anything yet.....so many things going on in my life right now...my boss is the least of my concerns. Not that I don't care about my job - I do and I need it. But I think I have done okay in not letting my topsy turvy life interfere with work at this point.

My main concern now is my wife and kids....and hanging on to them and fighting to keep my family together with everything I've got. I'm failing miserably at it...but I'm trying.

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Do I tell my boss?