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Are we broken?

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 40

Suzy, my heart broke when I read your topic title. So I will tell you what a wise woman told my daughter when my daughter said "I'm broken, fix me". That wise woman said that she is not broken. She is like a flower that has had a rock placed on top of it and has grown crooked. The flower is not broken, it is still beautiful, it just needs some help to stand tall again. That wise woman is my daughter's psychologist, and now my psychologist. She has been a savior to both of us. Your dr. should make you feel better, not worse. Here you are offering to do the work to really get better, and he's telling you not to bother?? What kind of "treatment" is that? Think of it this way...if someone other than a doctor (say, a spouse, friend, co-worker) said you were broken and basically defective, we would call that emotional abuse, wouldn't we? Just because he's a doctor doesn't make it justified. You are NOT broken. Some part of you believes that you can beat this because some part of you knows that you are not broken. Otherwise you would not have doubted his comment in the first place. See a new doctor, one who really cares about helping you heal. In the meantime, keep talking to us. We'll do our best to help "straighen" you out (like the flower, get it??) ;p

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1890

Hi Suzy, Haven't heard from you for a while. How are you doing?

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 8760

Nullpointer, You're right. You can't reclaim time but you can impact the future! Keep working at it! You've made some progress this week, keep building on it. Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 86

Thanks, but some things are so frustrating and now that I'm remembering all kinds of stuff that happened before I think I've had this problem for a long time and only now I'm feeling better and don't get me wrong 'cause I'm glad for that, but now I feel like I'm starting from scratch and it's too late because most of my life is over and it's nice to be feeling better, but I can't start over because I can't reclaim time and it takes time to do things and to be things. SIGH!! I'm glad you're here though. I always feel better after I check out the forum.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 8760

NullPointer, Not so. We are human. Something isn't right, we learn, we grow, we persevere, we experience change. Keep at it! You'll get there! Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 86

Well, I am definitely BROKE! If I'm broken, it happened a long time ago and I don't know if I can ever get fixed.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 13

Wow Suzy ... that is a question that I have been trying to deal with myself ... I have fallen back into a MDE after 8 yrs (even though I have been on meds the whole time)... I find myself feeling guilty like I don't have any right to be depressed considering how much worse some people's lives are compared to mine... I feel like I should just "suck it up" and stop whining ... perhaps depression is a weakness of the spirit/mind and if we were stronger it wouldn't happen? My Dr keeps telling me that it is not a choice to be depressed and that it is a medical condition but I can't help but feel like a defective person ... I think that your Dr was trying to explain the imbalance and instead, through his poor choice of words, has undermined your belief in this being an illness... My two cents....

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 29

Hi, I think many of us, many people have experiences which "break" them, cause them to look at life differently. From that perspective, I can accept that definition, even though it wasn't what was originally meant. We can become wiser as a result of renewing ourselves. Sometimes broken people do not recover. They are lesser than what they were before. Something fundamental was taken away and cannot be replaced by something else. And they are a lesser person as a result, not a whole person able to deal with life on their own. I believe that there are people like that, to whom life has truly dealt a tragedy that is more than they can absorb and rise above. That is the definition that was used in my case, and I think you can see why I resist that one. I have been told on numerous occasions that I am a strong person. I must believe that. I have been told that my extrovert self (when she is available) is simply wonderful to be around and full of charisma and confidence. My introvert self (who I really am) is "the confidant", the people others talk to, the one they know will understand and not pass judgement but will try to help. My intelligence is off the chart (almost). And I am well skilled in my field. And yet - I am afraid to face the day. What will it bring that I can't handle? Will today be one of those days I end up on the floor in a puddle of tears for no good reason? I do try to control this. I follow the rules (pretty much - but I'm not a saint). I try to keep stable sleep times. I try to eat well. I get some exercise. I try to have social activities. I try not to overindulge in gin & tonics or wine (and I really don't, unless I'm on vacation and not going anywhere - so I'm safe). Right now it's hard to see any benefits to my condition. The drugs I take dull my mind. Each day is a "let's see what's behind door # nn?" I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. Going back to bed to try again. Night all...

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1890

Suzy, I think that Ava has her finger on the real meaning of 'broken'. But it doesn't really apply to chemical imbalance which we all suffer from. What it does say is that the experience of falling into MD/BP or MDD 'breaks' the mould of the old Self and forces us to look at alternative thinking and habit-making in order to make a 'new' more workable Self. I know that once I found myself the first few times scuttling around in the black hole, slack-jawed with fear, I began to understand that I had to look into myself, at my core-beliefs, my habitual thinking patterns and, somehow, 'design' a more honest Patrick. Yes, it has taken years and I don't really believe that the renewal process ever ends. It's the journey not the destination. Taking meds regularly and adjusting them under supervision as you ( and I)do gives us the 'space' to re-think this newer Self. What do you think? I know your glib psych said "broken" in the sense of less viable than a non-broken you but what he's missing is the point that a newer, different you, coping with the altered state, is quite possibly a more mature and wiser entity than the un-broken you. Saying "broken" in the sense of seized engine of a car and now "useless" is utter nonsense. I would rather be a 'thinking' depressive, a 'working' depressive than a mindless sheep in a field with nothing to do but scoff grass all day... I'm not trying to make light of BP, Suzy, I know how horrifying it is for the sufferer. I'm saying that you see more deeply into human nature with this experience and that is a compensation. Sorry if this sounds half-assed but I'm struggling to understand what it is to be beyond MDD and suffer from BP.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Suzy, Broken, eh? Yes, I can understand that and the pain it would cause. broken?; Much as a pancreas that stops producing insulin is broken. The resulting inability to use sugar is a disability ... Type I diabetis. so broken; Depression is the brain that no longer has the ability to control its chemical balance. Medication is the only/best solution. I hope I understand. I know that there are a lot of taboos and misconceptions about depression. So when it is call a metal illness all the negative past of these words put a bunch of lables on us. "You are... you should... all you need ... if only you would...." this is painful and more so when we lable ourselves! I agree that depression is an illness, but it is on that can be controled like high blood pressure, cardio-vascular illnesses, and etc. We do not have to fall into the deep dark pit of our illness like the first diabetics had to nearly starve themselves to control sugar/carbohydrate intake. I think that we will always have that sensitivity to stress and life's unheavals that make us prone to the chemical imbalance. bye.

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