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Are we broken?


16 years ago 0 29 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
There is a misunderstanding here, either between what I am trying to explain, or what you are telling me and I am not understanding. What I was told was that "I", all of me, was broken. Not reparable. He wasn't talking about a life event that changed me, or something that changed my views about myself. "I" was broken beyond repair. And it would be best to accept that and go through life with the limitations I now have. I just cannot accept that. There is more to me than this illness, and while I have to accept certain conditions in my life as a result, I can still do everything else and can aspire to do more. Is that what you are hearing me say, and are you agreeing or not? I'm not sure if we are talking about the same type of "broken". Suzy
16 years ago 0 8760 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Suzy, Ava brings up a great point. Truth is, everyone becomes "broken" at some point. We don't all live charmed lives. People are "broken" by experiences, events or even others. The trick here is that you must choose and work to learn from these events, people who break you and rebuild. Much progress can be made by changing your perceptions and delving into understanding and modifying those core assumptions that hold you back from rebuilding. As for commitments, start small, tackle the challenges you come across by applying the strategies you learn here and build your confidence towards making bigger commitments. Hope this helps. Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist
16 years ago 0 56 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Suzy: I think we've all been struck by the wording of your post, and I don't want to add too much to an already thoughtful discussion except to say this. I've thought about the "broken" thing too, and I think I have been through experiences that "broke" me. But I see it as a good thing. I think I had a shell that needed breaking. I prefer to think of it as being broken open. So yes, the old pattern is broken, but sometimes that's a good thing. If I hadn't been broken I am not sure I would have ever woken up to how complex life really is. I'm glad I got broken, otherwise I would still be sleepwalking through life. Ava
16 years ago 0 29 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks everyone, As I said, I have been haunted by this. The image of a broken china doll, or perhaps a broken mirror, seems appropriate for the words. We all do have mountains to climb. Often people throw rocks in the road whether they mean to or not. Maybe I throw some at my fellow climbers without knowing it. I know one should always aim as high as one can. Aim for the stars. You won't get there unless you do. But if the result of aiming for the stars is that when you miss them, you crash and burn, should someone still let you aim that high? Shouldn't they tell you that - hey - you just can't get there!!! There is a myth - Greek or Roman - about someone who wanted to fly, and had I think used feathers to help him to do so - but was cautioned not to fly too high. He did anyway and the sun destroyed his wings and he fell to his death. So - should we not be told about the dangers of flying too high? Devil's advocate. I know I double and triple think commitments I make - what will happen if I'm too depressed to follow through? But I am told by some people close to me that I can't live my life based on what might happen. Do I have the right to knowingly take a chance I will let others down? And I'm talking professionally here, not failing to take Rover for a walk today. Where do I draw the line? Do I draw the line at all? Do I just assume I will be fine all the time - unrealistic. No one is fine all the time, and I am fine less than others. So how do I balance my right to have a reasonably fulfilling life with my obligation not to let others down? Suzy
16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
No! You say it Twister! There's way too much reverence for doctors coming from the direction of the suffering patient. There are doctors whose people skills range from total crappy arrogance to indifference all the way to caring, concerned uber-humans. With mental diseases/disorders we depressives are always at a huge disadvantage when we question the wisdom of the average interning psychiatrist. If we protest too much the irritable, indifferent doctors can always withdraw into professional silence and will let us know that we are " over reacting, acting out, being unbalanced": it's a dreadful trap for the sufferer who speaks "out of turn". I once had an orthopaedic surgeon of repute tell me I was "stupid" for questioning him about an x-ray I didn't understand. I was supposed to stand there and nod gravely as he sputtered technologisms about the state of my own shattered ankle on the x-ray. After he swept in a regal way from the room, his attending nurse raised her eyebrows an said "You don't talk to Mister Neorex when he's talking." Talk about old school!? I'm in favour of the way they teach medicine in Hamilton Ontario ( Uny of West. Ontario) where the beginner medical student gets down into the community trenches right at the beginning of the programme and thereby learns to talk to the 'little people' who they are being trained by the government to serve in the first place. Harummphhh! The Old Fart has spoken. Patrick
16 years ago 0 46 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
we are not broken! that's the old school medical model of people with any disability or illness- that the patient is in need of repair, needs to be managed. i could go off my rocker on this subject as it's very close to my heart (i work for an organization that provides services to people with disabilities- particularly advocacy) i have seen too much of this in my career and personal life... we are not broken! we face challenges every day just like anyone else- sometimes our mountains are steeper and more rugged but, we climb them just the same. think i better stay off the soap box for now- twister
16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Suzy, About being "broken" and working the CBT:I know that starting CBT on this website is essential to alter what is fixed right now in my behaviour. I also know that it's a matter, for me anyway, of learning and developing habits which I already know are guaranteed to improve my wellbeing; exercise, diet, meditation and regular hours for family and myself. I've got 60 years of bad habits to unlearn. I've dismantled some of them along the way just to stay alive which is the classic motivation (drinking and self medication)but there are many more to deal with; tempering and easing my frustration levels (raised voice and impatience, intolerance etc.) I'm not looking forward to doing it. But I know it has to be done. I had 15 years of living alone between marriages and that created a whole OTHER set of bad habits which don't sit well with family/married life. Total privacy and cooking chops at 3 a.m. and all that... So, I'm going to start by dividing my time on this site between the pleasure of talking and reading in this support group and actually DOING the CBT sessions. Here I go into the fray... when you start I'd like to know how you're getting along with the sessions? Okay? Patrick
16 years ago 0 29 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
CraZ, His words were that I was broken and would always be broken. Didn't leave much room for doubt in what he meant. My psychiatrist is mostly interested in my meds. Not really interseted in CBT at all. If I bring something up we will talk about it but it isn't his preference. He believes that we need drugs and we are powerless to help ourselves. I have tried to get him to admit that I might be able to help myself and he will not. So. I've been through therapy before. I know my inner child. I know where my pain points are. I think I can work my way through them if I can only stay on focus. I'm hoping that when I can pick up the courage to start the CBT, it will provide the structure I need to work through this. Suzy
16 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Suzy, Great support here! Take what you need and keep it close. You are a wonderful individual working towards progress and overcoming. I would agree with the poor choice of words, so take the time to express your concern with the psychiatrist and let them know your feelings and emotions. You are active in your progress and this is an amazing step forward :) Josie, Support Specialist
16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Suzy, That doctor must be an awful goof. By his standard I am 'broken' because I have chronic arthritis!? Maybe I'm 'shattered and irrepairable" because I have MDD also? The curiousity about medical school curricula is that nowhere do they squeeze in a course on communication between carving up cadavers and trying to remember the 'phone book' of pharmaceuticals. The admonition "Do no harm" in the Hippocratic Oath seems to have slipped right over the heads of the 'plumbers' and corporate grabbers who comprise the medical industry these days. We, the depressed, may seem like the 'product' that they have to manipulate back to 'usefullness/normality' and, in that sense, I suppose that when they get a patient with flattened affect and liquid posture crouched in front of them they can't help but see us in industrial terms: "that patient looks broken to me". It's the old story of YOU having to go out and shop for a talk-therapist who suits YOU. You don't have to buy the Doctor-as-God syndrome at all. They're as fallible (and some more so) as we are. You have to seek hard and well to find a psych. with real people skills who is neither a Jim Jones, David Koresh or the inaccessible Dalai Lama. Somewhere in that spectrum is a woman or a man who sees YOU and not a product/patient/client. The big problem is finding the $100-150 per hour to buy time with her/him... there's always yoga and meditation and this here little website as an alternative to believing in the Oracle in the White Coat on Delphi. Jeez, I must have eaten something with vinegar at lunch... Patrick!

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