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Being normal, working and my lack there of...

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Diva,

No need to apologize. You're right, you should take time for yourself and focus on enjoying life again. I am happy you have found your independence and have thought of this method to help treat yourself. Sometimes feeling happy but not necessarily "cured", "functional", and " all better" is just what a person needs. You seem very positive and hopeful in your post. I am proud of you!!

I am sorry if I seemed pushy or overly suggestive in my post. I understand what you said about being forced by others or forcing yourself. It only makes you feel frustrated and want to give up. I do apologize and I am happy to see that you found an alternative that works for you at this time in your life.

Sincerely,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Furgitit,

Oh wow, thank you for all the lovely compliments! You really made my day!

And thanks for your support and yes, I will remember on the good days and the bad days, that I have you all here to help me through and root for me!

Thank you very much for your lovely reply! Thank you!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Diva,

You are superwoman, you have strength, charisma, insight, and determination and friends, here (cyber space) as well as in the real world.

Keep strong and remember we are here for you when you need us, and sometimes when you don't even want us :) We won't give up on you.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Diva,

It is great to hear you so excited about life and ready to pursue your goals! Thank you for sharing your independence process with us, and always know that you never need to worry about ranting or writing too much on here. We are here to listen and support you. Continue to fill us in on your pursuits!

Samantha, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hello Fallabe12,

Thank you for sharing your point of view with me and for caring enough to answer me!

I think though that I have come to a very conclusion then you have on this matter! I have spoken with family and with my husband of course. I have decided that I will no longer be forcing myself at anything. All it does is send me into new lows, depressions and peaks of anxiety! I have spent my whole life trying to fit in, trying to be productive, trying to meet other people's expectation of me and what I should be doing. I am frankly sick of it! NO MORE! Diva has declared her independance.

I will be me. I will put healing me and taking care of me first. I will put the realisation of my dreams first. I will put time with my husband and friends and fasmily first! I will out being healthy and rested and calm and serene and happy first!

If this happy serene calm life should one day include productive activities such as work, fine I am no against it in any way shape or form. But I am lucky enough to be married to the most wonderful man in the world. I am married to a man who just wants me to be happy, whatever that means for me. And so I will realize that I am bless, say my Thanks for it and then enjoy it and use this blessing to get healthy and happy. I am freeing myself of polite societies expectations of me. From now on, what I desire, feel, want, etc. WILL MATTER!!!

Atm, I DO NOT want to work, I beleive I WON't be going back to school. I want to draw and learn the piano and sing again. I want to leanr spanish! I want to spend time with family and pets and friends! I want to get fit and ehalthy again! I want to be creative and breathe! I want to be happy!

Productive and "normal" and all that is not at the top of my list of priorities anymore.

Sorry for the rant, lol. I have just recently begun my Independance process. I guess I am still in my Diva is affirming herself phase sorry :P

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Diva,

It seems that you are severely frustrated from this whole "job" nonsense. I too felt at one time that I wanted to work, but didn't at the same time because I didn't think I was capable of holding a full-time job. I even though, "I didn't ask to be her on this earth, Nobody asked my permission or asked if I wanted to be apart pf this society and work, So why should I have to be forced to be in a society and work as they all do when I did not ask for any of this?". I have felt this way for a long time. I feel that society and family and friends are expecting too much of me. I know I have to get a job, but they don't understand how hard it is just to make that first step. Recently, I have applied for jobs online, but haven't received any call-backs. I know I could do more, such as calling and discussing the status of my application on the phone, or I could go there in person and discuss it, but, I don't do these things, on top of being depressed, I am also lazy and spoiled, as well as selfish, I have to admit.

You're probably asking where I am going with all this. I do have a point here. Haha. I think you should force yourself, no matter how much your inner voice tells you to resist the work force. If you are tired of hearing others trying to push you and force you, then you must motivate yourself in some way. Find the positives in getting a job and work with that. Each time you get a negative, reverse it and find a positive that will reject and contradict that negative. Try, thats simply all you can do for now. Don't give up.

All the best,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Diva,

You're too hard on yourself! You know what you need to work on, and we all know you can do it

You're a smart cookie...so keep at it!

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

I have spoken to many people. They all say the same thing. That I should do my best within the limits of what I can do and be proud of myself. They say I should just try and be happy when I can and proud that I am doing my best. They said to accept myself the way I am and that we all have our own limits and that I am allowed to be happy no matter what work schedule I manage to achieve. I think the person who has the most trouble accepting my limits, is myself...

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Sarah,

Thanks for the reply! I know one can be happy with one's jobs. I know many people that way. But in the past everytime I attempted working more then 10-15 hours I crashed. So I keep feeling lame. And I keep feeling undeserving of all the good things I have because I am not independent financially and I feel like I do not contribute enough. The one thing I seem to do well at is studying... and that costs money....

My husband is very understanding. at the moment I am not working and it was his idea. He wanted me to rest before I started my doctorates. I just think I feel guilty aiming for happiness rather then ambition and productivity...

Bleh, feeling confused and not sure where I am going with this.

All I know for sure is that all I want is to be happy! I just want to feel good.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

Diva,

I don't think it is at all selfish of you to be want to be happy regardless of your job status or pay. Happiness can come from a number of different sources and does not always include your career choices or job path. However, what is important to discover is what makes you happy. What things in your life bring you joy?

It is important to note that we can often still feel happiness from our jobs. Although it may take some creativity, combining what makes you happy and your career choices is still possible. How do you think you can achieve this?

Sarah, Health Educator

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