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Getting by.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Getting by can be very hard at this time of year because there are too many thoughts flooding our senses opening up memories and adding more thoughts. This is called sand bagged. (from the little sand bag crooks used to knock people out with) This overload of information actually stops us in our tracks like we have been hit over the head.

I know there is little I can do about the situation so I try to ignore it, not often with success. What I need is a routine and a project. But it needs to be small and simple because of the other thoughts taking up my concentration. I like my lathe for this. It is almost hypnotic how it draws my thoughts. It can crowd out so much negative. As for routine, that is light the fire, make meals, check the weather and clean house every second day. Lots of room here to add projects and pet the cat. Room to drink tea and look out the window too. Winter is tough for a cripple whose main interest is gardening. But I have found a project that will keep me occupied for a while.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

I want to brave the winter too, and this thing called grief. I like the crying, although some warped relative was nasty since she doesn't understand emotion. It may be the first time in a long time I've allowed myself to feel, since a priest at some talk gave "permission", in the right forum, to be human. I just can't believe what has happened....

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

I'm just coasting through winter waiting for spring. When you retire life will be better. What a croc. Most of us are too tired or too broke or both. Mind you, I do have a friend with enough health and enough money to tour. And absolutely no anxiety so she can. But that is only one person. My day revolves around just getting through it. It is time to make bread again. I like to cook also so that is something to do, but otherwise it is clean house and keep the fire going. Not very exciting. Today if I remember I'll buy fruit for a friendship cake. It is a fermented fruit cake so I need a pack of wine yeast too. It is quite good. but takes weeks waiting for the fruit.

One thing I do have to do is make flower boxes this winter. I've put it off two years. I can't do it in the spring, I will be too busy. I bought seed for picabella petunias. They have to be started 8 to 10 weeks before going out. I usually just buy the plants. But I need so many it gets expensive. Once the seeds are in the flats it takes ten minutes twice a day to water them is all. All my starts, not just petunias. Starting fewer plants this year but adding a few too. More flowers and less veggies.

I hope you have ways to keep winter from becoming depressing.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Years ago I wrote a book on panic attacks. Right after I got out of the psych ward. I'm adding to it, just to keep the information in one place. 25,000 words over 45 pages. And this is on one subject panic attacks and everything related to them. Not storeys about them but why they happen and what cures them and everything in between. It has been a lot of research, and I don't recommend it. Just do the program and get better. I also wrote a journal on life leading up to going to the psych ward and my recovery after. What a mess, I don't want anyone to go through that. Pills and pain and false trails and no idea what CBT was. Dead would have been better than what I went through. But here I am. I deleted the first part up to getting myself committed for my own safety. That was too disturbing. On top of living alone with an infected broken leg. The rest I saved but it has some pretty weird thoughts in it. Technically I have never been Depressed. But I sure was sad a lot. It just made me determined. SSRIs never stopped the panic attacks so I threw them away when they let me out of the psych ward. Three psychiatrists evaluated me. Together they asked me why they should let me go home. I said "This is a fine hotel, I like it here, but the bed is lumpy and the foods not that good"

So they put me in an ambulance because I still had a broken leg and sent me back to my home hospital to see if with help I could go home. I convinced them I could go home. The last ten years have not been good to me but the last five have been pretty much panic attack free. Determination is still the best way to get by.

Davit.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

I have two softball-sized beets in the oven on a baking sheet with olive oil, after seeing a youtube video suggesting putting them in. Another vid suggested shaving off the ends and peel, thereby allowing them to cook in less time. I guess I could have spent more time searching for a better video, but it's going to be cold, so maybe some of the heat will help. I don't think either of the vids admitted to the mess they make...but I'll find out.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

You can buy microwave egg cookers but do not use fresh farm eggs. A regular store egg can be cooked if the yolk is punctured with a needle or it is scrambled, but they are rubbery and not very good.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Davit,

Thank you for sharing the recipe. I wonder if walnuts would blow up in the microwave. I know for a fact whole eggs explode when you put them in a microwave.

Maybe I should stick to using the oven...

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

JayDee

I like this recipe for microwave brownies but you have to play with it because it depends on your microwave the bowl and the flour. I use a very small glass mixing bowl. 1 table spoon oil and 1 1/2 tablespoons water 2 tablespoons sugar and two or three tablespoons cocoa. mix well and add flour till it is almost thick. Start at 30 seconds, the longer it is cooked the more dry and cake like it gets. Remember it will keep cooking after it comes out. It only makes like two brownies so it is good for people like me that would eat too many. Measurements are not critical so you can change them. I think walnuts or raisins would blow up.

Davit.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 219

Davit,

Did you mention a recipe for microwave brownies? The first thing that caught my attention was not the thought of gooey chocolate brownies but the use of the word recovered. I like this word recovered. I like the phrase "Recovered and enjoying life." Another positive phrase that caught me was "Happy, panic and anxiety free."

My New years resolution just changed. A new year, a new day, a new me. My goal, to be Recovered and enjoying life.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Because we were short on space My nice recumbent Exercycle went to the garage and is in the mezzanine. I need to get Tim to put it back in the house. It is the only way I can get aerobic exercise since I can't walk far let alone run.

I made a nice cherry cake and of course ate too much of it. This is a very easy recipe without any fat, but it does have three eggs. I have another recipe that uses boiling water and is very moist. I also have a recipe for microwave brownies. Not your run of the mill recipes but I'm not your run of the mill guy. An ex benzo addict and a surviver of years of panic attacks and anxiety. Recovered is the word we use. Recovered and enjoying life. And I'm not going back to that life again. Once was enough thank you. Happy, panic and anxiety free, and I have cake. What more could I want. Well health would be a bonus. But I'd rather suffer with my arthritis than ever have another panic attack. No SSRIs or Ativan or ever again. Crutch free. It is a good feeling.

I hope the new year is going good for you.

Davit

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