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What did you learn today?

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs

Do you want more than you need? Every corner doesn't need to be filled. From the time we are conceived we have only one requirement and that is to live till we no longer can. We will achieve somewhere between a lot and nothing and for most of us come and go with little impact. That is just how it is. We will not be remembered. Everyone dies with a list of things they never finished. And it doesn't matter because you will still have fulfilled the original obligation.

But as thinking animals we add on other obligations. Some moral, some social and a great many economical. If you live in an area where you can not fulfil these I can see a problem. Things do happen without our input yet still affect us. So we have rules, this has to be done, this doesn't. The rules normally set the order. But we complicate life by throwing in things above what we need so there is not time for all of it. If you plug a hole in the roof then rain quits coming in but if you don't things can get a lot worse, but if you intend to tear down the house then why fix the leak. Because you have time. Because you would be more comfortable. Because you can afford to. That dictates which rule. Which of course doesn't mean you can or that you will. And that is my problem being disabled, can I or do I actually give a damn.

I have a concrete monument to a project I never finished. Trees are growing out of the foundation. It was going to be a horse barn till I realized I could not keep horses any more. It was as much work to tear it down as to finish it. I could have left it and it would eventually be a rotting mess but a social obligation said it had to be cleaned up and that set the rule. Doing that took the time away from something I would rather have been doing.

You did't say if you are having trouble making decisions or if you don't want to make the wrong ones. Or the other thing, you are tired and don't want to. All three are normal.

Davit

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi Davit, That helps with that specific situation. Maybe a more general example would have helped. What I was pointing out was that when we take our attention off of something, that situation continues without resources. Having spent so much time avoiding, escaping things, I wonder how to choose my strategies. With fight, flight and flow, I'm wondering if it isn't more complicated for dealing with life in general.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs

Making decisions is like doing math. Reduce it to the smallest denominator. You have three courses.What do they have in common? Take that out of the equation and deal what is left. Find the next thing in common and take it out of the equation till all you have left is what is different about them. Now looking at the differences, which is the most valuable based on such factors as availability, price, time consumption and benefit. This should put them in order of value.

You might have more factors or different ones but it works the same.

Davit

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Davit, I could give an example. I have two courses I wanted to take. Now I found a third, and am not sure which I should take. I went for a walk to change the focus, but it doesn't resolve the issue. The issue is that I feel unsure about which course(s) I should take. Changing focus hasn't resolved anything, and I'm avoiding the decision.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Davit, What I meant is that if you take your focus off something, which is unresolved, such as making an important decision, the agitation may temporarily subside, but the the unresolved issue is still there.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs

I would say the difference for me is contentment. If I'm happy doing something it would be flow, if not then flight. And things are not all flow. A good many are only tolerated.

Deadline is an interesting word made of two words. dead, can't be resurrected and line a point you can't cross. There are very few deadlines in life because most things can be rescheduled. Even seasonal things just get postponed. It is a word used to force you to fit a will that is not yours. Lost projects is a better way to look at things. The only deadline you will ever have is death itself. When it passes nothing else matters.

A good number of people besides me with anxiety disorders find that removing the pressure from projects and life in general reduces the anxiety level. This often means missing deadlines and postponing things. some times more than once.

Like my green house that the plastic should have been changed on two years ago.

Davit.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Davit, How do you know when you're "in flight" versus "in flow". I've been so rattled these last few years, that I think I've missed some deadlines, among other things.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

I learned that I can talk on speaker phone and make pie at the same time. One apple pie, six tarts and a shell for a lemon pie later.

I also learned that spending hours answering mail means I'm making pies real late.

maggee In the world of CBT that is changing the situation and works best when you have to concentrate on something not related. I'm glad it works for you. I use my shop or like tonight I bake. You can learn to do this in your head when you can't actually do it physically. It is a coping skill.

A lot of CBT is changing the thought or the situation or how you look at the situation. And it all works.

Davit.