Not sure where to start so here goes. Stumbled across this site and was amazed at how I was reading about me! I've been putting off addressing my issues because I've felt so hopeless in beating this horrible disease and not really knowing how to go about it. After reading through the first session I actually have a glimmer of hope that I can get back to being a normal and healthy person living without anxieties ruling my life.
So, heres my story. I cannot drive with anyone other than my mother or two sons in my car with me. My poor fiance who is nothing but supportive, caring, patient, kind and loving cannot ride with me and my best friend can occasionally depending on my anxiety level for the day. The simple thought of someone other than my mom or son getting into my car with me will send me into a full blown panic attack. I was not always like this. I dread getting stuck in traffic, on a bridge, in a tunnel and so on. Any situation with the possibility of my "being trapped" will send me over the edge. I might be able to overcome not being able to have anyone in the car with me if my fear of having a "poop" attack was not so overwhelming. I have done alot of searching within myself and have realized that the "embarrassement" of having a "poop accident" in front of someone else is what most of my anxiety stems from. I am swallowing my fear even now of someone reading this and thinking "gross". The more I read though of others apparently having the same issues as I the more I am beginning to think that I can actually talk openly about this without having someone come down on me about how "inappropriate" it is to dicuss such a thing.
I am missing out on so many wonderful adventures with my fiance because of my anxieties and panic attacks. We live at a beach and I'd give anything to be able to just jump up at any given time and say to him "let's go for a walk on the beach". Unfortunately before I can even get the thought into words my brain automatically goes to "wait......you don't know where the closest bathroom will be.....what if you get stuck on the beach with no restroom to get to in time!". So there I continue to sit wanting to go and do something but being frozen in fear to do it.
I am getting married in June and here I can't even imagine getting into the same car as my fiance to get to our own wedding because of this stupid fear of having a panic attack on the way and needing a bathroom IMMEDIATELY! I know this man loves me for sure since he is willing to take two separate cars to our wedding...........I am very lucky. I just want to get through this and be able to give him a mentally healthy wife that can ride in a car with him without losing her stomach at the mere thought. So here I am and I am determined to follow this program through to the end with his help.
Thank you for listening and any advice, tips and so on will be greatly appreciated.
Cmgypsy
