this is not usually my thing but i felt i owed something to this site and to share a little information of my own as i know all of yours greatly helped me and maybe get a little feedback. so here is my story.... i was diagnosed with depression about 3/4 years ago after i went through a really bad patch of being intensly ill every morning and having very violent wretches every morning and alot of problems with eating and appetite. i was treated for the depression via medication and saw very mild improvement (to a point where i could just about cope..and i mean just) Ofcourse i was utterly convinced their was something wrong with me...their had to be some explanation as i hadn't felt like that when i was younger although i couldnt remember what it felt like anymore (im sure you know the feeling. my problems lasted all of the time and for such a length that i actually forgot what it was like to feel content and carefree because its always with you) anyway mood inevitably dropped to breaking point as did my symptoms and sickness. I really was confused and beating myself up all of the time, i felt so strange and on edge all of the time and it just fuelled my depression and bad moods. im sure youve heard the expression 'vicious circle' but it really is spot on. Everything just makes everything worse and all youre trying to do is find an answer, somthing MUST be wrong as their is howevermany billion people in the world and they dont feel like this. therefore something MUST be wrong (ring any bells?) anyway things got really bad again until one night when i was out i had a very scary episode with all of the classic panic attack symptoms sickness/tingly hands/dry wetches/stiff chest and i had to leave where i was and immediately go back home, after which i felt better. anyway the next day i was very concerned and was searching the internet for some explanation to my symptoms (again im sure u know the feeling) I came across panik attacks and anxiety and this website and here i am...a few days later and with alot clearer head. I have now realised that i was not depressed because i was ill but depressed because i was anxious. Before i guess i had thought depression and anxiety are pretty much the same thing. That is a key point when trying to understand your problems as i guess alot of you may have had depression aswell as anxiety. That was my problem...I was worrying but didnt know i was worrying (if that makes any sense??) i was always worrying but was unaware that that was or could be a problem. After all i was having PHYSICAL problems so therefore my problem must be PHYSICAL. not true. the brain is very powerful and the intense feeling of anxiousness is almost druglike in its nature. u know the intense nausios feeling you get in your stomach when your anxious and this is going to have very physical effects on you body especially if you obsess overthem we do. anyway ive had a few days to think it over and read over all of your posts and have realised that understanding myself or UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF and your actions is fundamental to recovery. it sounds a very patronising statement and i know you will be thinking 'oh hes talking some budda spiritual bull' but im not. it really is that simple. Understanding the tiny things that you do that makes you the way you are. Its these little revelations about yourself that really make you feel better. Trust me and i was at rock bottem about 4/5 days ago and after working myself out i feel so much better. the enthusiasm on this sight to help people out is proof in itself that their is a way to get better. i KNOW what its like to be at the bottom and thats why i felt the need to tell anyone else because i wouldnt wish the **** ive been through on anyone. Its almost as if everyone on this sight has a special cure that they must share because it ACTUALY DOES MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. and why cant you convince yourself that youre going to get better-its true- and after all youve been convincing yourself for years completely irrational things and situations are going to come true. so why not something that actually IS? lol and i know what its like to think that it never will. IT CAN trust me! you heard it from me and ive seen loads of people on this site with the desire to convince others. why do you think that is?? you might think that im a particularly caring person. youd be suprised to know that im actually a bit of a rude **** in real life. but im a rude **** with the secret so all the more reason to believe me! well anyway if one person is able to read this and feel better then its worth all the time i spent writing it. Get well soon p.s (just a little effort and you will) x
