Hey ya'll... my name's Shay and I will be 19 in 3 weeks. I graduated from High School in June and thus begins my struggles....
It's been about a year now that I think I have been struggling with Panic Disorder... (didnt understand what was going on with me and didnt wanna admit to myself that I might be struggling with this until about a month ago.) I always had the thoughts "I'm too young to have this... I'm sure I have a brain tumor or something"..... While still in school I would have a period of about 4 days a month that I would just feel horrible and want to stay home and not do anything but be on the computer, playing guitar, or watching movies. I didnt wanna be with my friends or do ANYTHING!. (now just to let you in on what kind of person I have always been.... I absolutely LOVE hanging out with friends... going to movies.. staying overnight at peoples house (for weeks on end) and loved to go out and do things such as.. beach trips, shopping days, hangout days with my sisters, etc.....) Now I can't even leave my own house and it's just horrible. I never thought anything like this was possible! I WANT to be able to do the things I once loved (and still do) but it seems like I will never be the same person I used to be. and now it seems like I am always having to "make excuses/lie as to why I can't go to a friends party or out to the movies or what not" When I think of anything on the lines of... leaving the house.. going to the doctor...sometimes even my mom leaving to have lunch with a friend... I start freaking out!....
When during a panic attack.. the feelings come on very randomly for me.. I could just get finished eating breakfast and here I feel one coming on and I hafta prepare myself and go sit on the couch and wait until it passes.... I get a pounding heart... get exteremely HOT...feel like I'm gunna pass out (never have in my life but fear it more than anything)... and sometimes in the worst cases I start shaking... and EVERY thought of fear comes into my mind.... "your gunna die... your not gunna be able to see anymore" (because my vision goes wacky and blurry in the beginning of an attack and remains until its over) and loads of other thoughts....
I read alot of people talking about diziness and being lightheaded... even some say their vision is blurry.... is it common to have these feelings all the time.. except on the occasions that I'm distracted and not thinking about my problems....??
I've been in my house now for about 3 months.... with the occasional trips with my dad to the movie store... I'll stay overnight at my sisters house sometimes.. head to a party for 5 minutes just to say hi and leave because "my dads waiting in the car" (when actually I told him to stay because "I dont want to be here long... dont leave me")on the occasions that I feel "up to it".. and I'll go sit out in my backyard and read when it's not too hot.
Ok... I'm done ranting... I've pratically written a book... is there anyone out there with similar problems that can offer some help in getting me out of the house and back to doing what I love.???? I am so thankful for this website and knowing I'm not alone.....
Speedy Recovery to all who suffer! =)overnight at my sisters house
