The best way for me to stay posititve is by first writing down all of my negative thoughts, then I go over it, as if I"m having a conversation with myself and reply to the negative with positive comments, just like what I'd tell a friend. I keep doing that and sometimes I'll forget about my anxiety. I also envision my dreams and what I'd like to do. This used to be hard for me during a period of my panic disorder, because things were so hard for me to believe... I didn't want to be disappointed if my dreams never came true... but lately, I feel that I'm enjoying just the moment that I dream, and whether it comes true or not, is not the main point.
"Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself." Paul Varjak Breakfast at Tiffany's
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am
out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me
at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe
I was able to be in the car(I wasn't driving) when it was on the freeway on Saturday. It was a 30 min. drive and it has been a long time since I was on the freeway. I was nervous most of the time but I didn't have an attack. I was able to get off the car after that, even though my legs were shaky and I was able to have a normal conversation with the person I had to meet... and I even waited for her. The drive home felt quicker but I was still nervous but no attacks at all and I felt really excited. For a long time, I didn't want to believe things would get better, because I didn't want to get disappointed but, I felt like I can believe again. The other thing is that I knew I can make it this time. Before, I always decided that I couldn't make it, but now, I know that I can get to a place and accept that it may or may not come with anxiety. And I did it!
2 days ago, we cleaned the living room and remodeled it a little. It looks really nice and it is refreshing. This weekend I will start gardening and most of my trees have blossomed. There are bees buzzing and birds chirping everywhere.
Thanks soo much for the congrats, they are rewards for me already!
Doing it added another step to my confidence and it makes me feel hopeful. Davit welcome back and great job on getting it done too. And is it sunny? (the name is not visible) but I'm glad you felt relieved too after the visit. Best wishes to all.
When my anxiety disorder was at it's worst, I had symptoms like what Wrestler has mentioned. I felt like I will crumble if I let my thoughts go and I would get soooo into it that I wouldn't realize how obsessed I'd get about a situation. I was really obsessed about knowing everything or not being misunderstood and I was also paranoid for my health and life. It is 2 years now and I don't obsess as much but still do on occasion. And I do get caught in those episodes and my mind will just run until I've created a whole movie in my head, and then I'd finally realize that it hasn't happened yet. Right now, I'm practicing to say "oh well" when I start to get those thoughts. I don't know how 'severe' everyone elses' obsessions are but it seems to be helping me a little bit. Good luck .
I wanted to add how different my attitude was from when I first had anxiety disorder compared to this successful situation. I always wished I never had anxiety so that I could get the 'simple' tasks done. I remembered how well I've always accomplished things "if only I didn't have anxiety". And I've avoided riding on the freeway for about a year because I was always afraid I may have an anxiety attack in the car and I was sure I'd get it. But after a long period of time, being inspired by other's accomplishments and getting more knowledge, this eventually pushed me. On the ride this time, I looked around the view sometimes, or sometimes I closed my eyes. But when I looked around, I saw a girl biting her nails as she drove. Watching this, it made me realize how you can still safely drive even if you bite your nails... and my driver always drove this route everyday.. and I kept reassuring myself with these thoughts. I kept reminding myself that even after so many gazillion attacks, eventually there came a day when I can laugh or be at peace (even if it was after many months). So after much avoidance, I believe that exposure therapy is good now. Because the confidence eventually adds up. I do wish I kept forcing myself at doing things even if I felt terrible, like driving, because after avoiding, it's so hard to start again, but even if I did avoid, I am more hopeful now that I still have a chance to start again one day. I feel like I was able to accept that even if I have an attack, I still can get things done. I think that is what changed the most.
Exactly, not focusing is the hardest part. I'm such a control freak and I have a good grip on things because I'm so afraid to let go. But after practicing small 'let goes' it is building up to make me realize that life still goes on if I hold on or not.. or maybe it actually GOES now, now that I've let go. Yesterday, I had that doom feeling of a panic attack out of the blue, for a little second, and I knew what it was and my fear level was only like, 10 or 20. It just came and went
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