Nice to meet you. I'm glad for you to have joined. I've had scary attacks right before falling asleep too. It doesn't happen as often anymore but I did have one last night too. It usually happens to me when I'm about to let go of the day and let myself sleep. Anyways, hope to hear about you more.
Hi, I'm having trouble picking up the phone and dialing to find a therapist. I guess, I'm afraid to be disappointed... if the therapist is something I wasn't expecting. And I feel like I'm pushing myself to get one. I find it uncomfortable that I'm going to a stranger to find my answers. I think I feel defensive and feel like this person won't know or understand me. I am also feeling like I'm doing "ok" without one right now... but I'm not doing much to trigger my anxiety these days either (only minor exposure work) so it makes me wonder if I really need one. I feel like I SHOULD get one... just because I've read many of your relieving stories about having one.. and that it might take me to a better place. I also feel like it would give some relief to my family... like it will look like I'm obviously trying to get better. But the fear I have most is letting a stranger into my problems. I feel like I'm in a secure zone right now.. where my anxiety is at bay but the fact is it's because I've lowered the standard bar and I'm not doing much. I realize this and it puts a bit of pressure on me, like I need to rush.
I hate it when that happens too. But lately, I've started to accept that I will have bad days too... and just like how the bad days come like out of no where, I know that the good days will do too. It's hard to believe when I'm in the bad days, a lot of the times, that next week may get better, but I'm starting to believe that it may, more and more. It took a lot of effort to get to those good days and much worry that it may never come, that I end up wanting to hold onto those good days forever that when the bad days come it's so disappointing. But lately I realize that bad days are still part of life... and that makes the good days more recognizable. Best wishes.
Nice to meet you. I have a lot of problems with driving too. Right now I have completely stopped driving... and for a while I avoided riding in cars, especially the freeway. But lately, I am attempting freeways again and I am on a good start. If possible, my advice would be not to avoid the driving if you are still able to, because it is harder to start again... (from my experience) but even though I have completely stopped, I am hopeful that I will start again one day... with much much patience.
Maybe my family is just an excuse. I get frustrated with myself, when I sit around the house with not much motivation or energy to do anything. I know I'm healthy and I know I am able to do things, I have the resources, but I don't have the courage to step out. I know it but I don't believe it I guess. So, I want to start something, I don't want to be stuck in my past forever... so I feel like a therapist would be a good step for me. I feel like I can use it as a tool to practice going out and actually having a verbal communication with a stranger, to get back on track and see things from another perspective. That is what I want... and I idealize about it, but once I say ok, I'll do it, I end up not dialing. I know it will be good, even if I do get disappointed, but I'm still afraid.
Davit and Shadowskins, thanks for the feedback. It's helping me clear my head on what I really want to do. Like you guys said, I'll probably do it when I'm really ready.
Congrats on your success. I also have a fear of going back to school. The thing I fear about is the length of time also and if I ever get a panic attack during the class. I'm also afraid of the rules because I feel like it will be pressure to me if I am not able to accomplish them due to my anxiety and of course that will lead me to stress about it and give me anxiety in return. But I do want to go back... lately I'm thinking I'd like to get a massage therapy license... but school is still an overwhelming thought for me. Anyways, thanks for sharing your experience.
There are days for me when I am able to still accomplish things like you do, Davit, but still many days when this Myth is running laps in my head. Lately I am recognizing my fear level more and more thanks to the anxious thoughts forms... and when I write them down, I realize that it shouldn't be that scary since, it happens almost every day, yet I still have not fainted.
I like the me who is sensitive, but I wish it was not uncomfortable.... but I guess I wouldn't feel things if it weren't.
Lesson I need to work on is : Just because it feels like it doesn't mean it is so.
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