Yesterday I thought I'd never see the sun, again. My thoughts were swirling out of control...thoughts of the past, thoughts of hopes/dreams that had died on the vine, and thoughts of the unknown future, all consumed me and was dragging me down into a very depressed, stressed out, regretful, anxious state. Those things can help one mindlessly kill a quit, becoming so weakened from the battle, that "nothing matters, who cares, what's the point" becomes easier than continuing the battle...just giving in to the weakness and telling ourselves, basically, we have no control.
I was letting my thoughts control me, instead of controlling my thoughts. After that realization, I looked at my thoughts as dark storm clouds that were covering the sun (the light of reason). Regardless of my "passing" thoughts, the sun was still there, it didn't go away, it didn't die and leave total blackness, despair. Thoughts form, but they pass, just like clouds....and so too, it goes for emotions, they aren't permanent, nothing is. So, I found peace in having my mind silenced from thoughts of an unchangable, dead past that has no need of being resurrected, found peace in realizing that I don't have to hold out hope and dream of a happier day in the future, when I can't live in the future, today, in this moment, and one of which I am not promised to have, and that it's this very breath, just now, that is where true life is, right here and now...not in yesterday, not in tomorrow. There's no need in holding my breath, as if waiting to start living my life, later...right now is the time to be happy, right now is the only time that I breath, the only time that I live.
Just had a need to say.
Thanks,
Harley
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 159
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $16
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 38
