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time for renewal

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 375

123 Days. 123 bugs me. I really don't like seeing 123 on the clock, pm. I have a friend that has obessive compulsive disorder, and I think she's ifluencing me too much.

So, what doesn't bug me is that I'm finally making it. I'm lucky-- I live next to the coast which I'm taking full advantage of. It's really cold here. But I'm spending some time on the beach everyday-- sunset is amazing. And I've been meeting my eldest there to paint together.

I have Christmas plans done-- we're staying home and hosting our kids for a week.

The smell of the trees, of the ocean, and most important-- There is no smell of smoke. Maybe 123 isn't so bad. Maybe, I should celebrate. :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 375

Hey Ron-- I'll start by thanking you. I loved your post, and appreciated you writing your thoughts.

Ashley, turns out they were chestnuts! :) Mr. Science Friend was wrong. I actually took them into a local organic store, along with some buckeyes that I collected for analysis. I was slightly obsessed with this..... as you can see.

Holy Cow. It's so late here. Eyja, I will have to write to you more tomorrow. You continue to be a beacon.

I'm not much of a computer writer or even a phone person. But I do want to check in with my friends here. You all continue to inpire me, keep me grounded, and have helped me finally go past no smoking boundaries that I've never reached before.

love you guys. Will write more tomorrow. Just wanted to celebrate my 90 days with all of you.

XOXOXOXOXO

Deb

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 375

90 days :)

90 days! I'm so happy that I can't figure out how to make the font smaller! I will return in a minute

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 377

Deb,

I'm glad you are doing so well with your quit even when some things don't exactly turn out as you expected. I found that so true when I quit. There was always something going on in the background where I would say to myself "Man, I would in my past smoke a cigarette over this". What I learned over time was I could survive these things without smoking and it wasn't all that bad. Part of it as you alluded to is we really didn't get to experience our emotions by smoking. Now we get to experience them good or bad and just be ok with that. I'm happy how far you have come. Also, congrats for your little bit of fame:)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Deb,

Beautiful! This post really touched me.

Thank goodness you didn't eat those chestnuts!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Good post Deb; So glad you're sticking with your quit throughout the roller coaster ride. And have gained celebrity status to boot! No doubt that lovely clear smoke-free skin (if there's a pic of you in the paper too) shines through! So much to feel! I know what you mean - I'm just learning to recognize the strength, power and depth of feeling that you mention since quitting smoking. The tears can turn to wracking sobs - but the sweet moments of love -in all its innocence and glory - can fill oceans, it seems! It's a wondrous thing to feel!

PS: Its's also great news to hear that you didn't kill any friends with look alike poison chestnuts! Whew! Good catch by the science guy! Hope your mom feels better every day :) Eyja

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 375

A renewal of non-smoking vows for one.

I love this time of year. The time has changed, rains have come, we're lighting candles for the past few nights. We had friends over to celebrate a birthday. I love how much I can smell and taste. My skin looks fab, my hair smells good. I've been hiking, and painting...... stuff I didn't have time for! Isn't it amazing how much time smoking takes from us? Or maybe how much energy it sucks from us. I'm doing so much more.

I got very excited about finding a chestnut tree in our yard. I didn't know we had one. It was a fight between me and the squirrels for the past few days. The birthday friend that was over tonight is a fairly celebrated science guy. I presented my hard won chestnuts, and he told me they are poisonous buckeyes. :) Thank God for friends!

I told him to enjoy his dessert.

And I was on the front page of the paper today. And it wasn't for poisoning my friends. It was for a good thing. So I'm enjoying my 5 minutes of fame. It has spurred many calls to help people I'm trying to help, so it felt wonderful.

It has been a roller coaster lately. My mom has been transferred to a rehab center for her knee, I am still crying intermittently about Travis...... Have you guys heard that song-- "a short life" ? His schoolmate sang that song and I keep hearing it on the radio. Every time I burst out in tears.

Here is the thing though. Even though I'm grieving, and even though I'm happy.... I don't smoke. I'm lucky that I don't have anyone around me that smokes too.

Collectively, we are our own movement. We don't smoke anymore. I know for me, I feel more deeply. All emotions. Maybe that's why I smoked in the first place. But I wouldn't trade these feelings for the world. I love laughing deeply, crying, feeling my heart swell when my son hugs me, getting completely into work, smelling this rain.... you name it. It's all important.

Okay-- so don't eat buckeye's. They look a lot like chestnuts.

Deb

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