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16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 131

Thanks Brenna. But you know, I'm afraid if I say, "I'll be here for you when you want to talk", (of course I would be) but that just gives him an "out" not to deal with it again. He hasn't touched this in over 40 years. It's pretty sad actually. It's when I bring it up, we get some things out in the open. But he can do this as I can. Boy, what a pair we are!!!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1153

Maggie, Unfortunately you have to work through sessions 1-10 to get to session 11. It sounds like you are making some head way though, make sure your husband know that he doesn't have to talk when you want him to but that you are always available to talk if he wants to. This will open up some doors for him and hopefully he will start talking soon. Brenna, Bilingual Support Specialist

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 131

The one thing I have learned is that I don't need anyone to make me happy. It must come from within. Sometimes that is hard. Some days I have all the confidence in the world, things are good, my husband doesn't bug me, other days, I seemed to be a little more on edge, not totally snipidy, but just on edge. We had a talk last night. He very much protects himself. He just looks out for himself and that all he cares about. He said it himself. He has a very nice thick brick wall around him and he's very well protected. I bet he's also very loney. We'll see how it goes...

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

maggie, My husband doesn't say the Ilove you to the children either. so I translate... tiger, I saw you having trouble with your homework and papa was really talking loudly, trying to help and having no clue... right? But he so much wants to help you because he really loves you. He doesn't say it like maman but I guess we will have to learn papa-speak like you are learning english (his first language is french). tiamat, papa punished you with some very hard words. Does it still hurt. Come i'll bec-le-bobo and I'll tell you why it was so hard. Papa is OLD and knows what is best for you right now. hold up you toes and your hands, with my hands and my toes... that is the number of sleeps (days) when you are ready to be OLD and make decisions. For now you have to remember that candy is not food it is desert. You cannot go out in the snow in underware, papa is trying to protect you from the bad germs that can hurt you... my boy is 9 and my girl 4. Children learn the language of their parents' hearts. At first they just need a few clues (and if you need proof... my son know a whole bunch of stuff from his friends that I never taught him... only he knows NOT to bring home that language!).

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 131

You know Gabs, his fear of intimacy is so strong...I don't remember the last time he said he loved our boys, he tells me, but not our sons. I know he does, but kids, especially kids, thrive for that sense of security. I am constantly telling them, hugging them (they are young boys), talking to them, but he can't, he doesn't know how to. He's not a bad person, it's just the intimacy stuff...too much baggage from his past. I do feel alone in this marriage too. I seem to grabbing at others when they give me a compliment or show me some kind of attention (how sad is that), I think because I don't get it from my husband...you can certainly see how affairs happen. UGH!!!! I see other married couples who talk to each other, laugh with each other, I want that...I'm not sure I want what I have right now. Someone asked me if I would marry my husband again if I just met him, I probably wouldn't. I know I need to give him a chance to explain, get help, learn to talk...I know that. Thanks...Maggie :}

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 172

Maggie, Are we married to the same man? Boy have i been in the same place as you so often. I also would do anything for my children, even now they are grown, but i fear that with the husband whatever he does now is all too little to late. I dont want to feel this way, but for the same reasons you point out, i have been in this marriage alone. I now seem to have so much resentment towards him I wonder if i can get over it and have a normal relationship again. A night out could work for you, but it could also show that you have nothing to talk about and he may just want to talk about his work and what is going on in life for him. Then you will feel upset and angry. Its a tough call. You can get through this, i have and been married 29 years but i do wonder sometimes if i lost me on the way. Be kind to yourself and maybe write to him and explain how you feel about being in competition with his job. A little of his time and affection for you is not a lot to ask for and is essential if your relationship is to survive. Good luck maggie, I feel for you, i really do. x

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 131

Lulu, what a wonderful saying you wrote, "the wider the world, the more opportunity for joy and the greater number of things to appreciate". I just love this saying, such a positive outlook, awesome, great, perfect!!! Thank you for that.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 131

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone, I do truly appreciate you listening. I do understand that men and women think differently, I read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and found that quite interesting. My husband has some baggage from when he was growing up and communication was not on the list of priority. He knows he doesn't know how to communicate, he has a fear of intimacy, hence he's very good with his employees and other business people, there's no getting intimate (I hope), but when it comes to family, the brick wall is standing strong. This is something we need to deal with, just some days its frustrating. Our three boys are amazing, I would do anything for them, but I just don't feel the same with my husband. It just feels I'm in constant competition with his job, for his attention, he just doesn't know how to talk. Anyway, we'll get through this... Maybe you're right, a night out may do us good??? Thanks everyone :) Danielle, can I get to Session 11 if I'm not there yet? Thanks for your kind words.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 8760

Maggie, Give it some thought anyway. Our program may help you with the communication aspect. Session 11 focus is on communication and completing a relationship inventory. Hang in there! Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Hi Maggie ... Since I'm very fortunate in the relationship department, I can't comment on that at all. I find men so mystifying that I don't even bother to try to understand them! They really do think so differently than women. I feel lucky to be in a relationship with a woman so at least we speak the same language. ;p What I do find amazing is that you manage to cope with a relationship, children, a job ... I cannot imagine having to do that while depressed. That you simply make it through the days is something positive to hold on to. From the little I've read, it seems there are a lot of parents here. Hats off to you all. I don't have children (never wanted any) but even raising a Jack Russell is fertile ground for a bumper crop of the guilts. I feel so awful when she doesn't get her exercise or the attention or whatever. I cannot beging to envision how hard it would be to feel like that with kids. I guess the wider your world, the more chances there are for setbacks. On the bright side, though, the wider your world, the more opportunity for joy and the greater number of things to appreciate.

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