Hi, I think I finded one core belief:
-If I don´t get good friends is because I don´t have value
-If I don´t have a boyfriend and children (my own family) is because I don´t have value
-If my brothers don´t like to share time with me is because I don´t value
etc etc
I think may be this is one of the major core beliefs I have since child.
Grandmother
My grandmother (caregiver with my mother till age of 7 and in our holidays when we were older) used to sing to me and to my brothers "who born to be a lizard (small animal) never will be a crocodile(big animal), always when she wanted to put us down.
Also my grandmother used to praise our friends of our age, like "why don´t you are like X or Y", "why do I had such bad luck with my grandchildren". My mother didn´t said that king of things, but she is also incapable of praising us too.
I would like to note that we were good behaviour kids with good notes at school, we never give a reason for my grandmother talk to us like that. But all my life I hear that kind of things.
Mother
Also my mother has a particular way to dialogue not healthy too. For example if I told I will choose "yellow", she answer "orange" is better because this and this, so I choose "orange", then she change her mind and try to convince me that "violet" is better. Then "yellow" is better etc etc normally she never stops at one point. At the end I was like brainwashed and lost, because I don´t know anymore what I want, what is better or not, total confusion. We are very good of what we repeat more, so this seams to me that my mother "trained" me to self-doubt my self and lost my identity.
I belief all of this are on my subsconcient, and made me and my brothers insecure persons. Findin this or analysing this, wans´t easy, but from now, what can I do about that? We born on this environment.
