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I am sorry to read you have been struggling with depression for so long. I am inspired to see that you are still working on it, despite the struggle. I wish you will find someone soon as well. I think we all need someone to hug.
Depression can have a big impact on relationships. Relationships can be tough even when everyone involved is healthy; so, I can understand your discouragement. Especially if you have had an past relationship traumas.
I have a tough question for you though, do you think relationships always go wrong or do you think the depression may be colouring your experience? Some relationships may not last forever and they may have hurdles; but, they may also have positive aspects about them as well. What are your thoughts on this? I know you have experienced a lot of counselling; so, I hope you are comfortable if I ask some challenging questions sometimes? If not, please let me know. I am happy to adjust :)
Hope to read from you more soon!
You are not alone in this.
I've always felt alone and sad and realized I was suffering from depression in my late 30's. Now in my early 50's and years of counselling I still struggle everyday. I'm afraid to relate to anyone as it always goes wrong. I can't turn off the anexity, wish I had someone to confide in, to hug.