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Challenging Your Negative Thoughts
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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

PS love the word ruminate...very fitting. And the simple answer is four...cows don't really have four stomachs, but they have four individual compartments within the stomach.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Thank you, for you very thoughtful response thinkhard. I appreciate your perspective.

I am sad simply because I feel like I have been here before. Life is this ongoing journey of lessons and I feel like I should be further ahead in this journey than I am. I really dislike that I have allowed the depression to distort my rapport with my girlfriend (and that's not to say that I am 100% to blame for any differences we are having right now)...but it saddens me that going through the process is having some negative impact...and am a bit scared that if I keep being negative it will come between us. There are some really fantastic parts of me, there are parts that need a little tweaking, and some parts that just really hold me back...that need to go. There also exists some sadness because I think some of these changes will dictate that I need to take a step back from my relationship with my girlfriend, and while in the long run I think we can be really wonderful together I am not certain we will be strong enough to move past my stepping back...and of course there's the part that doesn't want to step back at all simply because she is so beautiful to me.

Years ago, I had a job simliar to the one I do now - my dream job, and I let it go...or wasn't well enough to keep it. I also lost my house, and a very close friend through this (I also found many pieces of myself in the process of putting myself back together after these losses...though it took years). I am trying so hard to keep moving forward, and though I see and feel some of my progress each day, and I am being more proactive this time around, I feel like I could loose in all in a flash, through my own action or inaction.

Every step could potentially be a mis-step, or could be the step that leads me back to who I need to be. Fear and sadness, with a dash of hope. Really need to turn this to hope, with a dash of fear and sadness.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Courage:

Very interesting line of discussion. I am a thinker too, and I understand the hazards of too much thinking. I once saw a caution against "ruminating" when you have depression, in other words going over stuff in your mind too much. Do you know where the word comes from? It comes from how cows digest things. They have more than one stomach (God knows how many) but they digest something and pass it over to the other stomach to digest some more, then back, then forth, then back etc. etc. It sounded like a perfect description of what I can do sometimes.

But I also wanted to say something about tearing yourself down to build yourself up afresh, I was struck by how that made you feel sad. It must reflect some attachment you have to the person you have been, and that is not entirely bad. Maybe you need to be sure that your rebuilding will also honour the good parts of yourself, and its not about discarding everything you have been but reorganising the package so that the strong parts can come to the fore more effectively. For example the way you talk about your relationship with your gf is beautiful. We all have our testy moments, but the desire to build yourself up in a way that enables you to show her you care, that is inspiring. That rebuilding would be full of your feelings for her, no matter how much tearing down or change it involves.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Courage,

"Airing your woes" is a great way to vent or sort things out. It is definitely like journaling and the members can help you with support and shared experience.

Never apologize, just keep posting!

Josie, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Thank you both for taking the time to write. You are both correct. Late the next afternoon, I had the opprotunity to speak with this person again, and explain a little better why I had said no - I also honestly explained that it was a difficult decision for me, that I really had wanted it to work out, but it just wasn't possible. The person was more understanding and accepting than they had been initially and seemed to appreciate that I was sensitive about the matter.

Another event over the weekend has me thinking (too much). The depression has one see in negatives - so my girlfriend was saying something to me and in the moment I found it to be rude and pushy and I was getting aggitated...we were driving at the time in poor weather and I really wasn't feeling comfortable. After the fact (which did end up with my car in the ditch and needing a tow...no damage or injuries thankfully) in thinking about it, I realize that my girlfriend only said what she was saying because she was trying to help calm me in the situation. We haven't had a chance to discuss it...but I know her well enough to know that she wasn't really pushing me, and know myself well enough to know this was my negative self. I seem to have a bit of a knack for taking things out on my girlfriend before I can re-assess the situation.

There is a very small part of me that wonders if maybe I am too forgiving, for my own well-being, that maybe there is some justification in my initial negative feelings in some senario's...how do you come to trust yourself...your thoughts and feelings when you flip-flop so much? I have always been a thinker...and often an overthinker...I like to investigate all sides...but at what cost?

There are some real comparrisons between quitting smoking, and dealing with depression...in that quitting smoking is a puzzle, each person has different pieces and has to arrange them a specific way in order to quit successfully...this journey seems similiar in that respect....I guess I am looking for some puzzle pieces. In quitting you tear yourself down in order to build yourself stronger...and I hit the depression on the way to building the stronger version of me and so it feels I am back to tearing myself apart before I can build up. I feel quite sad about this as I write it. My girlfriend really doesn't deserve this and I am keen to get back to a positive place with her...we've had some fantastic moments - even admist the depression, but we have had a handful of events similar to the one above.

Sorry, I am just writing by way of trying to work myself through this. Suppose journaling would be better than airing my woes...but I find it helpful. It somehow makes it more real when someone other than me is reading it.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

ugh, I agree. Sometimes is difficult to say no.

Depression = low self confidence = difficulty to say no.

I've noticed that as I start feeling better/less depressed, I find it slightly easier to say no. I still have to 'manage' the guilt though. And I would also like to find better ways of saying 'no' - perhaps less confrontational or that don't make me feel so guilty. But even if I feel guilty, I've come to realise the value of saying no:

Saying no = respecting my boundaries and honouring my needs = increased self confidence = increased self love = increased sense of well being

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

hi courage.

speaking for myself... I have said yes to others too often. Usually hoping that their challenge would make me feel good; accepted, rewarded, accomplished, intelligent, whatever. If it is not My Challenge. It is is not something I am ready to take on I will be miserable the whole was through. I will be stressed and exhausted throughout the project. So my health will pay the price.

It is best to say a firm no at the very beginning when it is easiest to give the Yes to someone who is ready for it, according to me. You took the time to look at the Yes and knew your limites and did not want to do something poorly, half-heartedly. The perfect little girl we are all brought up to be does what we are told to do - accept it all and do it all well with a stiff-upper-lip. But, we end up being very ill with that notion. Best know thy self.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Really not sure if this is the right place to post this. Just having a hard time with myself today...I'm not sure I can explain fully. I haven't been up to par, and it has been evident at work - I am making small positive steps...mixed in with some blunders/not up to pars...yesterday I had a hard time telling someone "No" right off the bat, and it made it more difficult I think for that person today to hear a full "No". I feel horrible for saying no, although I know it was the right decision, I also feel really horrible because this person had their hopes up and I let them down. I can't help but wonder if I had said no right away would it have been better, or easier for the person? I really believe that the decision is the right one, but can't seem to let go of the negative feelings. I think I could have handle the situation differently and that it could have been not such a let down if I had.

I have taken more time today to start really reading through the sections here. I start counselling on Tuesday, and think that I will ask the counsellor to help me work through this program as I still haven't completely taken on this challenge.

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