i didn't have a sad childhood, but I was always somewhat sad as a child, if that makes sense. I always took things more seriously than they deserved (still do), and was very introverted, though I struggled mightily to hide it (still do).
I remember at age 12 crouched at the top of a flight of stairs, trying to work up the nerve to throw myself down them, because anything that happened had to feel better than how I felt inside. This wasn't hormones - that was still a couple of years away.
But that was many, many, years ago. This recent episode/downslide seems to have begun two years ago. I went through a couple of months of cluster headaches. If you look them up on Google, you'll see they're also called suicide headaches. They recur daily, at approximately the same time (midnight, in my case), last for about 20-30 minutes, and are the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Far worse than kidney stones, gallstones, or a broken wrist. Imagine a steel rod being driven through your eye and out the back of your head. Now heat it up. It's something like that. And they don't respond to painkillers. After about two months, they stopped. If they ever come back, I don't know what I'd do. They look like this:
Anyway, for me, that was about the time I started to fall into depression. Withdrew, gained weight, stopped enjoying anything. But I managed to pretend to the rest of the world.
Coming to this place, and seeking medical help, has made my life a little better. Still a ways to go, but I'm trying.
Jason, not sure if this in on topic or not. If not, I apologize.
