Hi Goofy, hi Diva,
It's nice to read your comments again. How are you guys doing? It's been a long time I've commented on anyting here on this website.
This website really saved my life. I couldn't imagine what I would have done without it.
It helped me structure my thoughts, and see some light in the darkness.
Being depressed feels like a chaos in your head, it feels like dizzy , cloudy, foggy. Everything is around there, in your head, good and bad, but you can't really see where they really are, how far from you, or how they really look like. You can just assume their shape, their purpose. As if all real things were so far away from you, though they are so close, you can never touch them. There is a wall out of glass maybe that keeps you seaprated from all the good things, as well as how it is to feel the real meaning of the bad things. Just anything real seems far away from you. In the cloudy foggy space you get some impressions of things & people. Some impression. And just impressions. So that you are aware of them. But nothing of those feels like yours or being liked with them.
This kind of condition made me feel soooo lonely for so long time. I had nice people around me, family, friends, colleagues, though, still felt alone and lonely. Isolated.
Doing journaling changed this cloudy, foggy weather in my head.
Reading conrete questions, even very very basic ones, helped me catch one or two out of those foggy shapes in my head and see them clearly.
Yeah, I think, it was exactly those basic questions I needed. When you ask me a general question I would have had no idea what to asnwer.
Yes, the basic, very specifc questions helped me getting asnwers too.
I really liked the journaling. It helped me more and more seeing clearly.
It helped me realizing when I felt bad. It helped me realizing, why I felt bad. It helped me seeing links between events and my mood so that I was not like I was just generally in a bad mood. It was not something that is there independently what you do or don't do. Finally I could see relations between my mood and things happening around me. Finally I could realize what would make me feel sad or feel happy. I was able experience happy moments and learn what it needs for being happy. Finally I was able to control my mood. Wow. What a change in my life. It was not this foggy, un-changing, apathyic condition anymore. It was a dynamic, controllable condition, I had power on!
I can relate to what Anerol is saying. Yes, I also envied people who apparently did not have any difficulty catch their thoughts in their head without difficulty. Who could speak their hearts out. They seemed to be able to have control over their mind, and see clearly what they think. And I did not - at that time.
Anerol, just wanted to "report" to you my experience to let you know that it may be something that can be learned
so don't ever give up!
Journaling was exactly the tool to this!
Hope you are doing well !
