Dearest Pink,
Why do you say, that being alone is the only way you can deal with this? When you are alone, the only thing you are left with are your own thoughts, you need to find someone that you can talk to and tell you there is always a positive to every negitive. I know that may not mean much, but it is true. I believe that everyone, at least once in thier life, thinks about what it would be like if they were not here, so you are not alone at all.
Now i am not a religous person, however i believe that we are all here for a reason, especially you :)
When i was feeling helpless, i talked to a councilor, and believe me, before i went i thought "this guy ain't gonna tell me nothing that i don't already know", but you know what, he actually helped me understand why i was feeling the way i was, he made suggestions, and you know what it actually worked!!
Pls go and see someone and talk about how you feel, it will make a difference. Also maybe talk to your doctor and see if there is a different medication that you can take, because as you said it does not seem to get any better. So maybe what you are on, is not the best thing.
You are not alone...and you know how i know that? Because even though i don't know you, i still want to hear that you will get better...and believe me there are others who feel the same.
I will look for your response, and maybe we can chat.
So again, even if you feel you have hit "rock bottom" as they say, it can only get better.
So stay around, please?
Someone who cares ;)