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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Loves trees -

I go over some things with my support person when I'm calm that they can help remind me of during a panic attack. Some of the things I tell myself to challenge my anxious thoughts I have them repeat to me when I'm worked up. In an anxious state, I believe it more coming from them than coming from myself.

Also sometimes it's just a distraction thing, too, and we talk about something random or do a crossword puzzle or something.

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Loves trees: I asked my friend to talk to me about anything at all - I just listened at the other end, knowing someone was there. I would answer or add to the conversation as best I could, she knowing that I might be breathless or crying a little, but we continued on any topic. It was never about the "panic", any old boring topic did the trick. She never commented about it, just did exactly as I asked her, to keep talking about anything, boring stuff, anything. Then I could catch my breath, heart would stop racing and I could feel myself starting to relax and I would let her know. That's when I'd thank her for being there for me and we'd share a laugh and she'd say, until next time, to which I'd answer, hope there isn't a next time! our joke. We are still friends but I have moved away since then and we don't see each other as often. We have lunch together every now and then to catch up on news and we go on outings together.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees

From my past: My support listened. My support person asked how I felt. My support person talked to me about any thing but what was bothering me. My support person reminded me that I had survived this before and would be okay. My support person did not give advice. My support person did not tell me to get over it. My support person did not act or sound bored. My support person made sure I knew this was important. My support person made sure I knew I could call anytime. From my present, this I do as a support person. But then I know that you are going through.

Here for you,

your friend

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Thanks everyone for posting here. There is one person I can ask for help with these, but they don't know what they are supposed to do during my attack. they ahve tried things that have made my attacks worse. they want to help but don't know how. they think they are supposed to challenge the negative thoughts i'm obsessing on during an attack. that doesn't work. i get really mad at them for arguing with me about how i feel. it makes it worse.

what does your support person do during an attack that helps? any specific examples would be really helpful to me. thanks!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Loves Trees - One of the things I've done to believe I'm not alone during the attacks is just what Sunny mentioned - have someone I can call and talk to for a few minutes during the worst of it. Both of my parents and my boyfriend are great supporters of me even though they don't all completely understand what I go through. They're always available for me to call and can talk to me about something distracting for a few minutes. Being honest with them about what I'm going through and hearing their words of encouragement that I repeat to myself during the hard times reminds me that I'm not entirely alone in this. Posting on these forums has also been really helpful to me, because the encouragements that comes here is from people who really do know what it's like. And, you can post at any time about anything and not feel like you're being a burden (Sunny I have that feeling too when going to others!)

In regards to telling people you suffer from anxiety, this has also been a really big deal for me. My panic attacks have been my "deep, dark secret" for so many years that opening up about it has been really hard. It's such a big step for me to say something about it to someone that I kind of built it up in my head that I wanted them to have a major reaction to my telling them, but this isn't always the case. Some people just won't understand, and that is hard to swallow, but you may find others who will be more supportive and understanding than you expect. It's hard because you kind of want to control who you get support from, but some friends you want support from may not be able to provide it, as you mentioned. I have had a hard time figuring out what becomes of these friendships after that....I've kind of categorized them as "fairweather friends" since they made no effort to understand what I'm going through or offer support.

I guess I'll just end by saying know that you will have support here, no matter what!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

We have a very small hospital with only one RN and one LPN on at a time. I know all the nurses some of their family and some of their pets names.:-) They would let me call them and talk me down for about 15 minutes while I waited for the Lemon Balm tea to work. There is a crisis line but the one time I called it I got a jerk that was half asleep and managed to lose contact with me.

I was so mad the panic just faded away. I am available to any one here that wants to call any time of the day or night. My therapist gives out my number to people that might need it. This is my pay back.

Here for everyone.

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Loves trees and Teebs: Is there anyone out there who could just talk to you on the phone for 10 minutes or so? When I was going through my worse times I finally had to tell my friend about it. I was embarrassed to tell anyone, you know, thinking it was my fault because I was weak. When I had a panic attack I also felt very alone which made it worse, I wished someone could be with me during those times. It was so frightening. That's when I broke down, swallowed my pride and finally told my friend about it. I asked her if it would be alright to call her when I was going through one. She said yes, of course, anytime. I tried to limit the call to about 10 minutes so as not to become a whiny burden to her (this was in my mind). During this call I would ask her to talk to me about anyting at all. I would be breathing heavily, heart racing - lol - but the distraction would calm me, then we'd have a laugh (sometimes I'd be crying) and I would thank her. I was still a bit shaky afterwards, but the big panic had passed. It was a true help for me when I felt so overwhelmed with fear. Didn't even have a program in those days that I could study.

Hope you can get an idea from the above.

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Teebs,

Thanks for this post. I have the same thought during my attacks - that i am alone and no one will help me. Its hard for me to swallow the fact that the work is personal.

this forum is the first place i've had people say "you can do it' to me directly. I've been suffering this alone all these years for fear i would alienate people or lose them if i admit i have an anxiety issue. Its not something yo ucan tell someone you just met anyways.

You don't have to answer these but i thought i would ask because it would help me to know what people have done to get further through the program. What did you tell yourself to challenge the thought you were alone during the attacks? I struggle with this.

What did you tell people in order to feel supported by them? I have a friend i've known for 10 years who doesn't know i struggle with anxiety. I conceal it. I dont know how to tell people. I want their support, but I don't know how to tell them.

My few attempts to reveal to a few people in my life that i need support have gone badly lately. So i am freshly bruised i guess. I revealed to a friend in spring that i am struggling, she is someone who has told me she has struggled herself for years with anxiety and depression, and after I broke down crying in front of her for the first time after us being friends for 4 years, she stopped callign or emailing. I am debating whether I shoudl ask her about this point blank or let it go. I may be barking up the wrong tree wanting support from her .She is a kind person but she has her own issues and problems and hasn't had time for me the last year at all really.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees

Good post. In a way we are a bit guilty for forgetting that 80% of the population has no idea what we go through and never will. And some of these are the people trying to help us. I guess we should give them a little lee way. ( as long as they are not pushy )

Here for you

your friend

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Davit,

I agree with you. Like I said, I've thought about the "thrown into the deep end" approach a lot since it is a way I've been told is "good" by family members when I was growing up. I disagreed then and I disagree now with this approach. Some people think that it is the same thing they might experience if they sign up to go sky diving and then have to 'push' themselves out of the plane at the last moment in order to do it. Then they enjoy the experience. That is different from being pushed into panic because panic is not enjoyable!

I have also personally noticed that the specific people in my life who like to think that being thrown in the deep end is the "best way to learn" tend not to do much of that themselves. It is a rationale for them leaving when someone wants help. So I am cautious when someone says "just throw them into the deep end" because THEY might have their own issues and reasons for saying it that has nothing to do with whether this is good advice or a good appraoch. Just my 2 cents again. If sommeone lives by the "just jump in" motto themselves, I gues I can give them a little more credence that maybe this is actually their way of going thorgh life. When they advise it for others but dont do it themselves, I become suspicious.

Being pushed a little to do something that has a good ending - going on a roller coaster or something like that maybe, is part of the experience of exhiliration. I think this distinction is muddled sometimes by "well meaning people" who don't understand anxiety. They lump it all together. They are also the "walk it off" folks I have noticed who also might say that so that they can leave instead of helping.

It is possible I am caught up in my own issues again this AM. I resent the 'walk it off' advice because it is said instead of providing comfort or empathy. It sometimes appears almost inhumane to me. It is sometimes said by people who care for their pets better tahn their children. I admit, I am upset about how little support I have around me today and my thinking is colored by that here. My apologies. Good to be aware, bad to be cynical. I am going to breathe and keep trying to reboot.

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